2019 VMAs: The Rest

Bella Hadid in Charlotte Knowles

2019 MTV Video Music Awards at Prudential Center - Red Carpet Arrivals Featuring: Bella Hadid Where: New York, New Jersey, United States When: 26 Aug 2019 Credit: Ivan Nikolov/WENN.com

Bella looks totally indistinct to me now with her honey-colored hair. The see-through shoes, the dye job, the flesh-tone(ish) straps, the semi-sheer stretchy tube top and skirt... they all seem, paradoxically, designed for her to blend in and also draw attention, and so for me it's just a big malfunction.

Gigi Hadid in Tom Ford

2019 MTV Video Music Awards at Prudential Center - Red Carpet Arrivals Featuring: Gigi Hadid Where: New York, New Jersey, United States When: 26 Aug 2019 Credit: Ivan Nikolov/WENN.com

That top is a big NO from her boobs, methinks. And are those pants... taffeta?

-Newark, NJ - 20190826 - 2019 MTV Video Music Awards Arrivals at Prudential Center -PICTURED: Gigi Hadid, Bella Hadid -PHOTO by: JOHN NACION/startraksphoto.com This is an editorial, rights-managed image. Please contact Startraks Photo for licensing fee and rights information at sales@startraksphoto.com or call +1 212 414 9464 This image may not be published in any way that is, or might be deemed to be, defamatory, libelous, pornographic, or obscene. Please consult our sales department for any clarification needed prior to publication and use. Startraks Photo reserves the right to pursue unauthorized users of this material. If you are in violation of our intellectual property rights or copyright you may be liable for damages, loss of income, any profits you derive from the unauthorized use of this material and, where appropriate, the cost of collection and/or any statutory damages awarded

They just look like they're trying to market themselves now as interchangeable parts.

Hailee Steinfeld in Aadnevik

-Newark, NJ - 20190826 - 2019 MTV Video Music Awards Arrivals at Prudential Center -PICTURED: Hailee Steinfeld -PHOTO by: JOHN NACION/startraksphoto.com This is an editorial, rights-managed image. Please contact Startraks Photo for licensing fee and rights information at sales@startraksphoto.com or call +1 212 414 9464 This image may not be published in any way that is, or might be deemed to be, defamatory, libelous, pornographic, or obscene. Please consult our sales department for any clarification needed prior to publication and use. Startraks Photo reserves the right to pursue unauthorized users of this material. If you are in violation of our intellectual property rights or copyright you may be liable for damages, loss of income, any profits you derive from the unauthorized use of this material and, where appropriate, the cost of collection and/or any statutory damages awarded

Wispy, naked, and banal. (The dress, not Hailee.)

Queen Latifah in Sergio Hudson

-Newark, NJ - 20190826 - 2019 MTV Video Music Awards Arrivals at Prudential Center -PICTURED: Queen Latifah -PHOTO by: JOHN NACION/startraksphoto.com This is an editorial, rights-managed image. Please contact Startraks Photo for licensing fee and rights information at sales@startraksphoto.com or call +1 212 414 9464 This image may not be published in any way that is, or might be deemed to be, defamatory, libelous, pornographic, or obscene. Please consult our sales department for any clarification needed prior to publication and use. Startraks Photo reserves the right to pursue unauthorized users of this material. If you are in violation of our intellectual property rights or copyright you may be liable for damages, loss of income, any profits you derive from the unauthorized use of this material and, where appropriate, the cost of collection and/or any statutory damages awarded

I was RIGHT with her until the fringe cuffs, which just look like they tickle.

Jamie-Lynn Sigler

Because MTV is nothing if not literal, the show was in New Jersey and they naturally invited some Sopranos to present (and Sebastian Maniscalco to host, and his energy was TOTALLY wrong, and he leaned way too far into a weird "THESE KIDS TODAY" vibe)(I sympathize, but I also was not hosting). Anyway, this is... functional and forgettable.

Lance Bass

Wait. When did he turn into a cross between Perez Hilton and Jake Gyllenhaal?

Adriana Lima in Sally LaPointe

-Newark, NJ - 20190826 - 2019 MTV Video Music Awards Arrivals at Prudential Center -PICTURED: Adriana Lima -PHOTO by: JOHN NACION/startraksphoto.com This is an editorial, rights-managed image. Please contact Startraks Photo for licensing fee and rights information at sales@startraksphoto.com or call +1 212 414 9464 This image may not be published in any way that is, or might be deemed to be, defamatory, libelous, pornographic, or obscene. Please consult our sales department for any clarification needed prior to publication and use. Startraks Photo reserves the right to pursue unauthorized users of this material. If you are in violation of our intellectual property rights or copyright you may be liable for damages, loss of income, any profits you derive from the unauthorized use of this material and, where appropriate, the cost of collection and/or any statutory damages awarded

She genuinely might have JUST climbed out of a swimming pool.

Shawn Mendes

Sure! He looks cute.

Hayley Kiyoko

-Newark, NJ - 20190826 - 2019 MTV Video Music Awards Arrivals at Prudential Center -PICTURED: Guest -PHOTO by: JOHN NACION/startraksphoto.com This is an editorial, rights-managed image. Please contact Startraks Photo for licensing fee and rights information at sales@startraksphoto.com or call +1 212 414 9464 This image may not be published in any way that is, or might be deemed to be, defamatory, libelous, pornographic, or obscene. Please consult our sales department for any clarification needed prior to publication and use. Startraks Photo reserves the right to pursue unauthorized users of this material. If you are in violation of our intellectual property rights or copyright you may be liable for damages, loss of income, any profits you derive from the unauthorized use of this material and, where appropriate, the cost of collection and/or any statutory damages awarded

Hayley apparently acts and sings, and was in Taylor Swift's latest video, and somewhere Maria Von Trapp is bewailing that KIDS TODAY (okay, I feel you, Sebastian) don't know how to make playclothes out of old drapes anymore.

Cardi B

Cardi didn't walk the red carpet, which is frustrating to me, and possibly to whomever gave her that dress. It is, however, not what I would call a GREAT dress, so maybe the lower exposure is a win for them all.

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Matt Sayles/Invision/AP/Shutterstock (10372564s) Cardi B, Missy Elliott. Cardi B, left, presents Missy Elliott with the Video Vanguard award at the MTV Video Music Awards at the Prudential Center, in Newark, N.J 2019 MTV Video Music Awards - Show, Newark, USA - 26 Aug 2019

Well there was still SOME exposure, obviously.

Lil Nas X

I know I'm old because my kids are the ones who knew what "Old Town Road" was before I did.

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Andrew H. Walker/Shutterstock (10369399bl) Lil Nas X MTV Video Music Awards, Press Room, Prudential Center, New Jersey, USA - 26 Aug 2019

His jacket makes me think of Desperately Seeking Susan, which was peak Madonna for me. I could not imagine anyone cooler when I was a kid. I remember asking for a "loose perm" so that my hair would look like hers, and finally someone was like, "That's... not a thing you can get without getting a tight perm first?"

H.E.R.

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Christopher Polk/Variety/Shutterstock (10369396fy) H.E.R. MTV Video Music Awards, Show, Prudential Center, New Jersey, USA - 26 Aug 2019

I like HER's messaging -- I'm against bullying, I'm against racism, and I do need some help sometimes -- but I wish I could remember this performance. Her clear guitar is EXTREMELY cool.

Queen Latifah

Speaking of cool.

Missy Elliott

Missy won the Video Vanguard award. I almost didn't recognize her. They had Cardi B give it to her, and I sincerely feel like it should have been Jessica Alba, after playing a clip from Honey.

Taylor Swift

I mean, it wasn't her BEST performance, but I love it when she gets out the guitar. I also like those boots, but not with hot pants.

Miley Cyrus

This one was no "Wrecking Ball," but what is? I don't get why she looks like she just escaped a downpour.

Lizzo

The giant inflatable thong-clad bum on her set amused me. "Why men great 'til they gotta be great" is just an outstanding and evergreen sentiment, also (as is, "I just took a DNA test; turns out I'm 100% That Bitch").

Lizzo

She delights me.

J. Balvin

I have to be honest, though, J. Balvin confused the shit out of me.

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Stephen Lovekin/Shutterstock (10369398gu) J Balvin and Bad Bunny MTV Video Music Awards, Show, Prudential Center, New Jersey, USA - 26 Aug 2019

What was IN those cookies I just ate?