1. Bryce Young, QB, Alabama, to the Carolina Panthers

Rest assured that if anyone had interesting shoes, I grabbed a second picture. Otherwise, we're mostly stuck with shots of them walking on-stage, shadows and all. What is that? A bird? Sherlock Holmes in his hat? Anyhoodle, don't ask me why Bryce wanted a coat with two extra sleeves whacking him in the crotch when he walks. Maybe it's to keep him humble. Or like getting a jump on hazing.

2. CJ Stroud, QB, Ohio State, to Houston

This was a GREAT moment. Analysts thought Houston would pick a defensive player, and the Titans would trade up to No. 3 and scoop C.J. But the Texans need EVERYTHING. So they played great chess: They picked C.J. second, neutering the Titans, then traded up to third to take the defender they also wanted -- taking a chance that nobody else would do that, but KNOWING that they might not be able to compete with any Tennessee offer for the third pick. Just really good stuff. And now they have a young man who MIGHT have been playing paintball in his hotel room? Also, check those glittery Loubs. You DID IT, C.J.

3. Will Anderson Jr., OLB, Alabama, to Houston

He appears to have one crimson button -- a nod to Alabama? -- and one GIGANTIC "Anderson" amulet. And even if you hoped you'd go No. 2, it has to feel good to have a team leapfrog up to get you, no matter what. Houston is a hot mess express -- I'm glad they did the right thing, getting rid of Deshaun Watson after that avalanche of assault charges (boo to you, Cleveland Browns, for not caring)(also I'm a Steelers fan so "boo to Cleveland" is very easy to say), knowing as they did that it'd set them back. Hope this all pays off.

4. Anthony Richardson, QB, Florida, to Indianapolis

This was a surprise: Most pundits had Kentucky's Will Levis going at this spot, and instead he did not go at ALL. Richardson seemed super emotional when his name was called. Some had him going to Houston in their No. 12 spot, some had him going 20th. Did ANYONE predict him wearing a diamond R that looks more like a D that's wearing a scarf? Doubtful. (The lining of his jacket reportedly said, "I want to be a legend.")

5. Devon Witherspoon, CB, Illinois, to Seattle

I almost always want socks, but for whatever reason this works nicely for me without them. Devon played high school ball in Pensacola, Florida, hence the glittering palm tree medallion around his neck. Florida Man Likes Florida.

6. Paris Johnson Jr., DT, Ohio State, to Arizona

Detroit traded this pick to Arizona, which had accepted the trade from Houston that knocked them down to 12 from 3. DRAFT NIGHT TRADES ARE SO FUN. I love his suit, but somebody please get this man a fancy purse or European Carryall. Look at all the stuff in his pockets. I guess if you're a football player and you're squatting 500 lbs, none of that will feel heavy. But the suit would look so much better.

7. Tyree Wilson, DE, Texas Tech, to the Las Vegas Raiders

THIS IS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. He's wearing his initials and a fantastic floral suit, and the light is glinting off his sunnies just-so... He is my everything. I'm sorry he has to be a Raider.

8. Bijan Robinson, RB, Texas, to Atlanta

He kept it very low-key, if you could call his necklace that. It's just a very well-made suit in a luxe material, and a big smile. But... Atlanta's depth chart at QB right now reads, "Desmond Ridder, Taylor Heinicke, Logan Woodside, Feleipe Franks," which reads like a list of QB3s. Yet for some reason did not seem to look seriously at a QB. Maybe they just assumed none would be around; I wonder if they at least PAUSED on Will Levis's name when he was still around.

9. Jalen Carter, DT, Georgia, to Philadelpha

Jalen cried pretty hard when they picked him, and I think a big part of that is that he figured his career was over when some idiotic street-racing after the National Championship led to two deaths in a car wreck. (He had to leave the NFL Combine, months later, to turn himself in because that's when they served an arrest warrant, which you know was intentional timing.) Of course, if you have enough talent, teams will overlook stuff like that, so the rest of the world was confident he'd be fine. And he is. But if you kneel during the National Anthem, WHEW, such red flags!!!!! ANYWAY: He and Paris (if not more) must have gone to the same suitmaker, because they both have their names printed on their cuffs. This is a great outfit for him.

17. Christian Gonzalez, CB, Oregon, to the Patriots

And now we drop all the way to 17, because the rest were all at home. I THINK they were also all on camera; plenty of them were, anyway, because I know I saw some tears. This is crisp, and I'm pleased to see a little color on the shoes. Remember when this thing was all studded loafers and the like? Where are the shoemakers this year?!?

Christian Gonzalez

At least he had a primary-color surprise for us: His ancestry is Colombian, so he brought along the colors of the flag. I LOVE it, even if he also looks like he's wearing a necklace made of dinosaur teeth.

20. Jaxon Smith-Njigba, WR, Ohio State, to Seattle

Likewise, many of these gents must have had a deal with the same jeweller. All these personalized necklaces feel like they came from the same base catalog. He also, admirably, does not NAB. I think he put more effort into all that than into his suit.

FINALLY, some shoe juice! Although don't they look a bit like clown shoes? Are they even his size?

22. Zay Flowers, WR, Boston College, to Baltimore

The Ravens signed Lamar Jackson, finally, shortly before the draft -- and then got him a receiver to have fun with, and hopefully throw to a lot so that his body doesn't get hammered from all the scrambling. I caught an interview with Zay and he was very happy and cute, and I LOVE the beaded leather suit. I have no idea (yet) who is in the medallion around his neck, but the lining of his jacket was all photos of him as a kid. I am so peeved that we don't get any of those (THAT one is from USA Today).

23. Jordan Addison, WR, USC, to Minnesota

HIS lining is noteworthy! THE PATTERN IS MONEY. I don't know what "FRSE" stands for. "Football Really Sucks, Existentially"? HIs suit sure doesn't, though.

The 2023 NFL Draft Was Not Very Well-Attended

But we DO have some fashion highlights.