Hilary Duff
The low-slung skirt, the mix of white and off-white, the ratty extensions, the peek of hipbone... 2004, may you stay in this time capsule forever.
Chad Michael Murray and Sophia Bush
These two had been engaged for two months (and of course later got married and then divorced after a few months - I believe he was rumored to have cheated with Paris Hilton, and she tried to file on the grounds of fraud). She looks DELIGHTED and as if she's thrilled to be on his arm, and he looks like he's absolutely positive his squint and his threads are going to get him a sexy watch campaign or something.
Hilarious.
Haylie Duff
Look, the Pretty In Pink strategy is not going to work for everyone. It didn't even work in Pretty In Pink.
Regina King
OSCAR WINNER 1. And she looks amazing. 2004 could not lay its grisly egg on this woman.
Brie Larson
OSCAR WINNER 2. Brie looks like she's been sponsored head-to-toe by Limited Too, and is wearing a butt belt.
Jason Ritter
SURPRISE! A Ritter. And yes, that is Big Bang Theory's Simon Helberg behind him; Simon is in the movie. I think we can all agree it's a a miracle that, in 2004, both of these men appear to be wearing pants that fit normally. Sadly Young Jason appears to have used a broken bowl to achieve this haircut.
Sarah Ramos
GUYS. This is baby Haddie from Parenthood, a show on which Jason Ritter ALSO later appeared for a spell as the boyfriend of Lauren Graham's character -- and in real life LG is with Peter Krause, who played Sarah's father FULL CIRCLE KABOOM. Sarah is a great Twitter follow -- she's been doing pandemic scene remakes, and I can’t get links to work today but just go to her feed and scroll down. There’s a great one from The Parent Trap, and The Social Network, and that time Dakota Johnson got into it a little on Ellen with Ellen. This has been my public service announcement of the day.
Amy Davidson
I genuinely think Amy Davidson wore torn jeans to every single event she ever atttended.
Julie Gonzalo
Another friendly face. Julie has been in a TON of stuff. Eli Stone, Veronica Mars, the Dallas reboot, currently Supergirl, and this AND Freaky Friday, which earned her the IMDb distinction of "has been in two movies with Chad Michael Murray," and I assume she has given herself a tattoo of that sentence.
Taylor Cole and Jesse McCartney
These two were promoting Summerland on The WB. Taylor now has a series of Hallmark movies, and honestly, that is totally the way to go as far as I'm concerned. You get paid pretty well to act, work is presumably very chill, and yet you can live your life.
Jennifer Coolidge
Jennifer Coolidge deserved better than this dress AND probably better than whatever she had to do in this movie.
Jesse Plemons
AND THEN LANDRY SHOWED UP.
So, did you know this movie spawned FOUR sequels? Chad looks appropriately confused here. Perhaps he's wondering why they used an ellipsis if the rest of the sentence was going to appear right next to it.
Here we have Young Selena Gomez, and Jane Lynch as her stepmother. This was the year before Glee, which is the only reason I can think of why Jane Lynch is not on the poster. I am ALSO pretty sure they want people to think one of the girls on the right is Emma Roberts (it is not). The movie was mad in 2008, and per Wikipedia, "the role of the glass slipper was played by a Zune," which is a HELLA 2008 sentence, and most people probably do not remember that a Zune was a non-Apple media player.
And now, Part III, starring Lucy Hale, with Missi Pyle stepping in as the evil stepmom and Freddie Stroma back there (season one of UnREAL) as the prince. Megan Park, who is serving up some Anna Camp Lite back there, is from Secret Life of the American Teenager. The real puzzlement here is why Lucy and Megan appear to be tangled up in the same microphone cord.
If you guessed "starring Jennifer Tilly as the stepmother," then you cheated. I believe the subplot of this involves a school musical, which I assume is the reason the rest of this poster looks like a wretched knockoff of Grease.
And finally, we have Laura Marano's version from last year, alongside Gregg Sulkin of... stuff... and Isabella Gomez from One Day at a Time. There's no stunt-cast stepmother in this one, so I shall have to refuse to watch on principle. But this poster... shouldn't we be able to see a reflection of feet? Or does she not have any?