Eva Longoria
I mean... someone with her obvious assets does not need to be this obvious about her assets.
Eva Longoria
First, this looks like a giant unsnapped bodysuit. No. And I am super concerned about what this dress wants to show me. And what should worry me more: That it wants to show me more than she does, or that their motives are aligned?
Eva Longoria
Every time Jessica and I try to explain why or when I began calling Eva "The Widow Longoria," we can't remember exactly how the conversation went. It was somewhere around the end of her marriage, when she went around in some dramatic black like a lady trying to win somebody's funeral, possibly that of her own rich old husband. The Widow Longoria would totally wear this outfit, and absolutely would hike back the skirt so we could see her thigh, maybe right before she slings a leg over her husband's coffin and writhes on it and weeps just long enough for a newspaper photographer to snap a picture. However, I like the bodice. The end.
Eva Longoria
Three words: Liberace knife fight.
Eva Longoria
"George said that co-hosting with me was the carrot they dangled to get him to do it. And then they made me an ACTUAL carrot."
Eva Longoria
I guess this is... turning your carrot into carrot-ade?
Eva Longoria
This doesn't seem to fit her very well. And for some reason, all the bodice makes me think of is Beaker. Or, like, a relative of Beaker's who isn't as charming about his misfortunes.
Eva Longoria
Mariah Carey is going to be SO UPSET that Eva wore this first.
Eva Longoria
This dress makes me stabby. Predictably stabby. It's the valentine a shower curtain would write to a Laker Girl.