Christina Aguilera
Real talk: Obviously, Christina is not the same stick-skinny body type that she was when she shot to fame. And that's fine; that's not a judgment from me. Curves are wonderful. What a lot of people in this town don't understand is that "skinny" and "healthy" often are not the same thing, and it takes guts not to lose your head in the quest for the former. As long as Christina is healthy, that's what matters, and in fact I think it's admirable that she's embracing them and not hiding in a caftan, nor backing away from her signature flamboyance, just because she's not a size 00 anymore.
So THAT is why I like this dress: Not only is the color lovely, but it flatters her body. Dress the figure you have, not the one you remember. That will always serve you well. And here, she finally is. And other than the fact that she's tanner than shoe leather, the more restrained color scheme on her makeup (I can't call it actual restrained makeup, because there is A LOT OF IT there; it's just in gentle hues) reminds you how lovely she is because it doesn't bury her features.
Christina Aguilera
I mean. Compare the two.
Christina Aguilera
And this is just not right. Rule of thumb, or rather, rule of abdomen: We should never see your navel THROUGH your clothes. This dress also doesn't have enough room for her chest, so they're shoved around and up and down on different planes... it's confusing. Also, I'm serious, does she order self-tanner by the keg?
Christina Aguilera
Here is Christina on The Voice, wearing a shirt that is see-through. That is rarely a good idea, and this occasion was no exception.
Christina Aguilera
It's Flashdance by way of a Real Housewife. And seriously, the hair makes it look like that amiable giant pitcher of Kool-Aid just burst through the wall and made her his concubine. We DO need to discuss the fact that her mic stand is a bunch of puckered lips, which I find tremendous. And tremendously apt.
Christina Aguilera
Honey, you have got to stop laundering your shirts with your knives.
Christina Aguilera
Don't you kind of wish Sofia Coppola could re-make her Marie Antoinette with this person? Nothing against Kirsten Dunst, but come on -- this would have been epic.
Christina Aguilera
Milady kept on part of her costume for the live show. I would like to make an obscure Yellowbeard reference here, about how Graham Chapman as the titular pirate would pop up in scenes with about a dozen lit cigarettes poking up out of his fright wig, but nobody would get it. So look! I found it.
Christina Aguilera
Oh, hey, Annie Potts from Pretty In Pink. Could you please tell that nice girl from the wrong side of the tracks that the major appliance she's dating needs to go back on the shelf? Thanks.
Christina Aguilera
And lo, this is totally sane by comparison. There's a pink tinge to her fringe, but it's not overpowering, and again, you can finally focus on the fact that she's a lovely woman and not a cartoon version of herself.
Cee Lo
This is not Christina Aguilera. But I just thought you needed to know that a leopard-satin tunic happened. And I bet Christina is mad she didn't wear it first.