1974: Donny Osmond and Michael Jackson
Michael was 16 in this photo. Donny was 17. I keep forgetting that they were contemporaries because to me it feels like Donny Osmond has been like 58 for his entire life. And for some added fun: What color do you think Michael's suit is? Drumroll...
I thought it was ivory at first but it's fully YELLOW, I think? I didn't expect that one.
1975: Conway Twitty and Loretta Lynn
She looks sort of like Mary Steenbergen here to me, and he looks like John Michael Higgins, so I guess let's make that damn movie. And as a bonus, yes, we're going to find out what color HER dress is...
1975
... the answer is, ALSO YELLOW. Having said that: Conrad is wearing different clothes. Both photos are dated 1975 and she APPEARS to be in the same dress, so maybe he just changed for a performance or something.
1975: Michael and Janet
Look at tiny Janet on her stool, and in those checked pants! She was only nine.
1977: Fred Berry
People could levitate even in the '70s.
1977: Marie Osmond
Oh, Marie. Such a child of the '70s. She looks like the fresh-faced cover star of a teen romance where no one kisses with tongue.
1977: Dolly Parton
I love that Dolly looks vaguely like she might be in someone's NASCAR pit crew.
Diana Ross and Robert Ellis Silberstein
I don't have a date on this, but they were married from 1971-1977, so... gotta be in here somewhere. Anyway, we always have time for Miss Ross in feathers.
1978: Stevie Wonder
I love this coat, and get real Prince vibes from it. I assume Steve lent it to him one day and then had to call three months later and be like, "Can I get that back? I miss it."
1978: Donna Summer
This looks dangerous. Don't make her juggle three weapons.
1980: Meat Loaf and Charo
Mandatory Credit: Photo by AP/Shutterstock (6585857a) Baeza Loaf Meatloaf Aday Rock star Meat Loaf is shown with Spanish singer Charo at the American Music Awards, in Los Angeles AMA Meat Loaf And Charo 1980, Los Angeles, USA
1980: Cher
Cher + Derelicte = Cherelicte.
1981: Michael and Diana Ross
I didn't get the color photo of this, so: Michael's shirt is deep red.
1982; Tony Geary and Demi Moore
I don't BELIEVE these two dated. They were both on General Hospital, and yet she was married at this time, AND YET this is very DIRECT for an "I love my good friend" smooch, AND YET they're both actors and thus dramatic by nature, so... I'm gonna go with NOT dating and just very forward with each other.
1982: Donna Summer
Someone would wear this now. Busy Philipps would.
1982: Charlene Tilton
Lucy Ewing has gone full 80s bridesmaid, as one might expect.
1983: Janet Jackson
Janet in a party dress, looking all young and slightly timid, is tugging at me.
Laura Branigan
I DARE YOU not to start singing "Gloria" right now. Unless you have never heard it, in which case, look that one up and THEN let it burrow into your ear.
Grace Jones
I wish I had this in color, but honestly, it's perfect no matter what.
1984: Michael and Brooke Shields
I'm sure I've said this recently, but: I forgot these two dated. My brain cannot hold it. (There is a whole section on her Wikipedia page dedicated to it, and I assume whatever was happening here, it involved two people who'd gotten famous EXTREMELY early in life and were bonded by how it affected them.) Michael has entered the "starting to resemble his own waxwork" phase here.
Cyndi Lauper
Cyndi Lauper was always a rainbow.
1985: David Lee Roth
This all seems absolutely correct.
1985: Madonna
I am pretty sure my sister had this poster on her wall. I remember Madonna and that iconic AMA logo with the crazy M.
1985: Cyndi
Cyndi, meanwhile, lit it up even hotter. That is some serious Lady Heat Miser hair.
1985: Tina Turner
This is a little more like a skating costume than I expected on Tina.
1985: Prince
I like that his pants bunch as if they are legwarmers. (They AREN'T secret matching legwarmers, are they?!?) Prince was so brilliantly theatrical.
1986: Prince
But he could also tone it down and be just as effective.
1986: Whitney and Sheila E
It is hard to pull focus from Whitney in a formal caftan, but Sheila E has done it. She looks like Liberace's footman.
1986: Marilyn McCoo
Okay, here we go: What color is THIS?
If you guessed green, WELL DONE. I kind of love it?
1986: Michael, Liz, Brenda Richie, Lionel Richie
I believe Michael and the crew sang "We Are The World" at this? I mostly pulled this for Liz's beautifully fitted gown and planetary hair.
1987: Madonna
Not my favorite of Madonna's aesthetics.
1987: Corey Feldman and Alyssa Milano
Oh dear.
1987: Billy Ocean
Billy would like you to know that when the going gets tough, the tough get an AMA they can use to impale whatever wrongs it.
1988: Whitney Houston
This is an actual great 80s outfit that I wish someone like Tracee Ellis Ross would buy from an archive and wear.
1988: Gloria Estefan
This photo immediately went on young Shania Twain's mood board.
1988: Michael Damian and Eileen Davidson
Soap stars! Michael was on Y&R for a long time (and toured in Joseph for a while), and Eileen of course was Ashley on Y&R and then played five different characters on Days and ended up most recently on a Housewives franchise. Her dress needs a hoik, but my gaze keeps going back to the face-splitting '80s cheese of Michael's grin under that mullet.
Willie Nelson
Is Willie without the long braids even Willie at all? (I know, I know, they had to grow from somewhere, but it just doesn't seem right now that we KNOW.)
Duff and Slash of Guns n' Roses
The amusing thing about this photo is not really their hair, nor the twin shirtlessness, nor the Solo cup, nor Slash's chaps...
1990
It's that one year later, they appear to have fully TRADED pants (with Duff adding an extra belt to his package, for good measure). This is not how I imagined Paradise City.