> ## Content Index > Fetch the complete content index at: https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/llms.txt > Use this file to discover other available public pages before exploring further. # American Fugdol: The Outfits So Far - URL: https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/american-fugdol-the-outfits-so-far-gallery/ - Published: 2011-03-09T18:00:04.000Z - Updated: 2011-03-10T18:28:08.000Z - Author: Heather - Tags: #wp, #wp-gallery, #slideshow, #Import 2026-10-07 07:27 ## Yo! ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/bf/b9/bfb99790-924d-4e41-a7e6-5e3c6e04fe57/content/images/static-gofugyourself-com/uploads/2011/03/jenniferlopez_img_3292.jpg) *Ay*, so lovers: When we left off, [I was wearing dresses with bow shoulders and shirts with musical thingies](https://gofugyourself.com/american-idol-the-story-so-fug-and-fab-02-2011?ref=go-fug-yourself.ghost.io), and also, this Head Scarf of Empathy. Because when I am keeping it real, and also *real*, which means royal in my Mark's beloved Love Tongue, sometimes I take away the hair so that all you get is my natural face, as it is naturally colored by my makeup artist. ONLY THEN ARE WE FREE, LOVERS. ## Yo! ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2011/03/jenniferlopez_IMG_3414.jpg) "So then the little kiddies held a concert for me, and I invited my pottery teacher to sit with me at the big table. I wanted to look like a nurse from that Pearl Harbor cartoon where that TREE WITH FEET romanced Kate Bloomiessale or what-ho OOPS THAT WASN'T A TREE THAT WAS EL NUTFLECK." ## Yo! ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2011/03/jenniferlopez_IMG_3418.jpg) RANDY: Jennifer, Jennifer, dawg, keep it calm, yo. JENNIFER: I AM SORRY RANDY BUT MY POTTERY TEACHER SMELLS STRANGE OVER THERE AND I AM VERY WORKED UP ABOUT HOW MUCH BLONDEFLECK RUINED A MOVIE ABOUT A VERY IMPORTANT TIME IN OUR HISTORY WITH HIS WOODFACE AND HIS HIGHLIGHTS AND HIS ACCENT OF POO. RANDY: Okay, dog, fine. Do your thing. ## Yo! ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2011/03/jenniferlopez_IMG_3423.jpg) "Lovers, sometimes you must experience pain before you can experience joy. And if I was in pain before, I am in rapture now, amigos! I am wearing a Cinnabon on my head and there is an X marking my spot, and I think that man from the Amadeus movie -- I think his name is Amadeus -- is sitting next to me in lace sleeves! Ay, the *alegria*! ## Yo! ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2011/03/jenniferlopez_IMG_3426.jpg) "Hehehehe! I am wearing one sleeve! Who is the rebel? *YO*! Not Dude Looks Like A Granny over there, but MEMEME! I WIN! HAHAHAHHAHA! Suck it!" ## Yo! ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2011/03/jenniferlopez_IMG_3424.jpg) "But lovers, there is gloaty time, and there is glowy time, and it is important when I reject these people that I do it as well-lit and attractively as possible, eh? Like Mr. Chris Medina. Ay, his story was so sad, with his wife who has the brain injury and the wheelchair, and I said to him, "Chris, I love your story. It was so moving to us. You are a man. A real man. It is beauty. It is power. I do not want to draw this out, Chris, but there are a lot of people in Lopez Idol and you are so nice and *te amo* I believe in you and your wife made me cry and I really do not want to prolong this moment but I have to tell you how special you are and how much you mean to ME and how much your wife means to ME and how sad it makes ME and so I will get to the point quickly which is that I cherish you and I want to put you in my pocket and feed you grapes and you are my sunshine, my only sunshine, and go home." ## Yo! ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2011/03/jenniferlopez_IMG_3428.jpg) "And lovers, the tears. THE TEARS. Am not used to breaking hearts on PURPOSE, *amigos*! I only break them accidentally! By being me, and not having ten others of me! And dating men and putting them in my music videos and trying to get them hair extensions and then dumping them because I met a real man OH YES FUGFLECK THAT IS WHAT WENT DOWN AND YOU KNOW IT PASTYFACE." ## Yo! ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2011/03/jenniferlopez_IMG_3431.jpg) "Hoda Kotb and Randy had to calm me down, lovers. I was beside myself. How could someone who looks this fantastic ruin somebody's career? Is that not against the laws of nature?" ## Yo! ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2011/03/jenniferlopez_IMG_3432.jpg) " I was inconsolable, lovers. My Marc had to bleed me to get the impurities out -- apparently this involves a box-cutter, a hose, and some pint glasses, so do not try this at home unless your tiny *esposo* is a trained Spirit Bleeder." ## Yo! ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2011/03/jenniferlopez_IMG_3434.jpg) "But I emerged from my grief coma a new *muchacha*, lovers! Bask in the sexy! Serenade me, desperate singers!" ## Yo! ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2011/03/jenniferlopez_IMG_3435.jpg) "But, *miran*, lovers: See my smile? And now see all the smiles on Steven Tyler's chest? And do you see whose is bigger? THAT'S RIGHT. I WIN AGAIN. You can have twelve mouths, or one mouth the size of twelve mouths, and you still cannot out-awesome my face! DO YOU HEAR THAT, MRS. LIPIFFER GARFLECK?" ## Yo! ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2011/03/jenniferlopez_IMG_3438.jpg) "And here I am with Mr. Rogers and some drunk model. I do not know. I walk ahead of them so I can't see their faces, but they can see ME looking like an icicle that is melting into your SOULS." ## Yo! ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2011/03/jenniferlopez_IMG_3440.jpg) "Lovers, have you ever had a vampire attack you for a snack right before you are about to go out on-stage to host a talent competition? I am just wondering." ## Yo! ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2011/03/jenniferlopez_IMG_3445.jpg) "Sometimes, lovers, you need to invite other people to your party. like, Steven Tyler invited the salesgirl at Forever 21 who sold him that shirt, and I invited *mi amigo, El Polterwango*. He is even tinier than my Mark, but he is there. The rest, I made out of some coat Mark brought back for me after he time-traveled to the French revolution to get a drink with his friends. He said some rich man wore this, and I said, "OFF WITH HIS COLLAR," and my Mark, he said, "You don't know the half of it," and I said, "Half of it? I want to use all of it! I need an ass cape," and we laughed and laughed!" "Lovers, you are like my diary. You complete me. Until next time! Watch my singing show!" [American Fugdol: The Outfits So FarHola, LOVERS! Ay, I have been so busy, amigos, now that I have my own telenovela on two nights a week where I wear things and I look SAD and HAPPY and so EMOTIONAL and then America votes on how much they love people that I also love! It's a show about amor! Except when it is about mi llores. And, ay, lovers, did I cry! Si! So much. But don't worry. When I cry, an angel gets its funny little harp thing! Venganme! Together we will FEEL."![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/bf/b9/bfb99790-924d-4e41-a7e6-5e3c6e04fe57/content/images/static-gofugyourself-com/uploads/2011/03/jenniferlopez_img_3292.jpg)](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/american-fugdol-the-outfits-so-far/)