Marion Cotillard in Alexander McQueen
I wasn't sure about this at first, but I think I like MOST of it, and just wish it weren't a turtleneck. The way she's posing, it's like she can't get out of its way -- like it's super uncomfortable on her, or something.
Milla Jovovich
She can blow her nose, she can dust, she could mop up a spill... Hilarious AND practical.
Jessica Chastain in Givenchy
See, she manages to find some Givenchy that's glamorous and not naked. IT CAN BE DONE. Also, Fug Nation, I choose to believe that major necklace -- and Marion's chains, actually, too -- are FOR YOU.
Dita Von Teese in Blumarine
This is beautiful on her. Very Dita, which is almost always our comment about her. But, I mean, I'd be alarmed if she DIDN'T have a handle on her aesthetic by now.
Aishwarya Rai in Armani Prive
I think the eye shadow AND the red lip are too much together, and the dress is... disappointing. Did she have to go so monochrome this year? Two gold dresses and one white one shot through with gold. LIVE A LITTLE. It's CANNES.
Conchita Wurst
Yay! I'm glad she showed up, and in such a bombshell dress.
Jess Weixler in Honor
This is lovely and interesting -- a nice antidote to the Zosia Mamet Honor gown from the Emmys, with the boob bib. Also, because Dakota Johnson used to be blonde, for a second I thought this was her.
Rosario Dawson in Vionnet
Pass, I think.
Riley Keough in Louis Vuitton
There's some weirdness in the bodice, but this actually looks pretty cool on her. Not that I recognized her at first with the red hair.
Paz Vega
ANOTHER meh. It's fine, but I think... it does not do what it thinks it does.
Paris Hilton
Credit where credit is due: Paris Hilton looks great. Paris Hilton may also be dying inside because Kim Kardashian is getting ready to have a ritzy Italian wedding -- her SECOND massive production in that vein -- and she is stupid famous and Paris Hilton is totally, like, the prequel to Kim Kardashian that everyone forgot ever happened. Like the Hannibal Lecter movie that came out before "Silence of the Lambs."
Michelle Rodriguez
This is nice on her, but I think Michelle Rodriguez looks better with less makeup.
Kylie Minogue in Joan Carlos Obando
Head looks great; the rest is a passing grade but not with any exuberance.
Kelly Preston in Oliver Tolentino
If they'd JUST made a little more room in the bust...
Carla Bruni-Sarkozy
She looks great -- about exactly as I expected.
Jane Fonda in Versace
This is from the same family as Lady Gaga's Oscar dress, and yes, this means Jane Fonda and Lady Gaga are officially crossing fashion streams, which I never expected to happen EVER. Having said that, Jane looks great, as usual. Regal.
Nicole Scherzinger
Boring. Falling down. Zzz. I don't have any (scher)zingers for this.