This says, "I love Blossom Russo."

This says, "In my opinionation, Blossom Russo can f*ck off into the sea."

This says, "Do they need any hot teen pirates on 90210?"

This says, "Sorry I stole your Prom date."

This says, "Except I'm not at all sorry I stole your Prom date."

This one is irritatingly "we washed up on a deserted beach and all I have on me is my underwear, oopsie." I doubt they needed to lean this hard into sexy when she was still two years away from being of age, but then again, when has Hollywood ever cared about THAT.

Angie's modeling has improved somewhat since this.

"On the deserted island, I learned how to make my own clothes from the gifts of the land."

This looks like a still from a Lifetime movie about your nightmare teen babysitter.

Angelina Jolie Portrait Session

Is she... reclining on a glass coffee table?

That face, though. You can see why she became a star. It's hard to look away. This also would have made a great cover for a YA romance -- one of those Sweet Dreams books where all the cover models turned out to be someone (Courteney Cox, Jeanne Trippelhorn, to name a few) and the story is that she's a lonely math genius who falls in love with the boy who moves to her high school and threatens her class dominance.

I Fell Down a Teen Angelina Jolie Rabbit Hole Last Night

It involves Meat Loaf.