Delta Goodrem
Delta here hosted the event -- she's a singer and actress -- and did so dressed as a disco ball, in a piece of fabric that looked like it had been only passingly trimmed and tailored.
Sia
Among her duties: watching Sia perform by satellite while dressed as a ghost that comes to life in Mood fabric store after the doors close at night, and wearing this really bad suit with a bare shoulders and baggy sleeves.
I JEST. The shoulders only LOOK bare from a distance. Up close they are flesh-toned fabric, which honestly is worse. This whole top looks like it tried to fire itself, and she refused to accept its resignation.
Amy Shark
I can only imagine that Amy Shark is tired of people walking around humming, "A...my... SHARK" to the tune of "Baby Shark." (I tried to write out that whole refrain and it just wasn't happening.)
Emma Watkins
Emma is the first female member of The Wiggles. She is also, apparently, Homecoming Queen.
Jessica Mauboy
Jessica has achieved many things, but Fug Nation probably most wants to know that she represented Australia in 2018 at Eurovision. (She finished 20th, and I didn't have a lot to say about the song other than: FIRE.) This dress is the Eurovision of frocks: loud, with a lot of confusing extras, and would be better with FIRE.
Kate Ceberano
Kate is, yes, also a singer (and was on The Masked Singer in Oz). I cannot make heads or tails of why she's wearing this, or what ... it is? Is her neck blooming?
Brooke McClymont, Samantha McClymont and Mollie McClymont
These ladies are The McClymonts, and they all seem to own those hair irons the Internet is trying to sell me that makes perfect waves.
Lime Cordiale
Portrait of Hipsters, 2020.
Joel Creasey
Joel is an actor/comedian/presenter type, and this is absolutely a jumpsuit, it should be in Lil Nas X's closet, and if you are an auto mechanic and you want me to give you all my money then please become known as the shop where people wear these.
Tegan Martin
Tegan is a model who may have strung her own top out of tassels, and then become bored. It will be a nightmare in the bathroom.
Sophie Monk
So will this. Does EVERYONE want floor scuzz on their clothes?
Christine Anu
I just hope all these ladies went to the lav at the same time, so they could hold each others trailing bits.
Montaigne
Montaigne here would have been Australia's 2020 Eurovision entry. GOOD NEWS: She's gonna take that song with her straight into Eurovision 2021. Well, I assume it's good news. She isn't being overly effusive at the moment, and neither would I be, in that top.
Christian Wilkins
I definitely want to know more about those pants.
Mia Rodriguez
This feels like Gossip Girl 1997.