Ilona Maher in TJ Maxx

I don't know what "designer gown" this actually is; just that it was "sourced" at TJ Maxx and is part of their new partnership. I love Ilona and want only the best for her and she does look great in this.

Eileen Gu in Guo Pei

This is really beautiful. I love seeing Guo Pei creations out and about; that exhibit was still one of the best ones I've ever seen.

Simone Biles

Glam! For an objectively tiny person, she can carry a lot of dress very well.

Jonathan Owens

Her husband also turned out nicely.

Jarron Collins and Elsa Marie Collins

Jarron is an NBA assistant coach and ex player. His twin brother, Jason, was the first athlete in one of the U.S.'s major sports league to play as an out gay man. Jason died of glioblastoma this year; Jarron accepted the Arthur Ashe award for courage on his behalf. He and his wife look stunning, though perhaps not their primary concern.

Myles Garrett and Chloe Kim

Chloe, Miles's fiance, presented him with Best Record-Breaking Performance -- according to him, it was a surprise. But the most interesting thing to ME is that he's randomly snacking on an apple on the red carpet. Also, the fit on his pants is AWFUL.

Dwight Howard

If NBA star Dwight Howard can get his pants to work, then so can Myles Garrett.

Justin Verlander, Kate Upton (in Schiaparelli)

Kate looks fantastic. The strappy gold shoes are excellent with that.

Mikaela Shiffrin and Lindsey Vonn

These two hit personal bests here. Lindsey said her ankle is still broken though? She'd better be wearing sneakers under that thing.

Teagan Kavan

Teagan is a two-time softball College World Series MVP -- the first person ever to win it twice. She's a badass in a great dress.

Evan Bates and Madison Chock (in Christian Siriano)

This looks like Christian took one of her skating costumes and hit it with Miracle Gro.

Dion Dawkins, Daiyaana Muhammad

Frankly, I don't think anything here works except his brooch.

Chiney Ogwumike

She is statuesque, and my current inspiration not to skip arm day.

Folarin Balogun

It must have been very weird to have to rep the USMNT at this event, after everything that went down at the World Cup with his red card. He seems chipper though, and he ALSO has a great pin.

Mathieu Joseph

He plays for the Edmonton Oilers, current nemesis of BOTH my personal hockey teams. So it pains me to say that he looks very good here, even if his hat screams This Influencer Has Supplements To Sell You.

Jutta Leerdam and Jake Paul

Jutta is a star speed skater and Jake Paul is a lunkhead. The pose in this photo is SO weird. Why is his right hand up so high?

Russell Wilson

That's a great jacket, but whither Ciara? It feels incomplete without her.

Alysa Liu in Louis Vuitton

She has so much sparkle and personality, and I'm not sure this dress is quite keeping up with that. It's close? Maybe it just needed some literal sparkle.

Ayesha Curry (in Siriano) and Steph Curry

This looks like Christian made it while he was drinking martinis and watching Spider-Man.

Sunisa Lee

Simple and slick.

Jalen Brunson and Alli Marks Brunson

He and the Knicks cleaned up at the ESPYs, as you might imagine. I mean that in terms of awards haul, although he also looks very handsome.

Jordan Clarkson

Are those... floods?

Hannah Hidalgo

My ND girl! She's such a pleasure to watch (and did not look this bored all night; I just had poor options for the full-gown shot). It's a little... Flintstones Funeral for me.

Damar Hamlin

I love Damar (Bills player, famously nearly died during a game, or perhaps did die and then came back). The sneaks aren't quite formal enough, but you know. He lived!

Harper Murray

She is a star college volleyball player. That top half is feeling like... I don't know. A Reverse Ringwald?

Fernando Mendoza

He is such a cheerful dude. I am no Raiders fan, but I really, really hope he does well there and that they do not suck the spirit out of him, because I think it's completely genuine.

Lauren Betts

She won Best College Athlete in the women's division, for leading UCLA to the national championship in basketball. Jessica will be so proud of how beautiful her fellow Bruin looks!

Jayson Tatum and Allyson Felix

Allyson KIND OF looks like she's wearing a chunk of turf, but she's selling it.

Cam Jordan

Oh damn. I've been staring at his suit and now I see faces. Tortured faces.

Savannah Bananas

I enjoy their antics in social media clips, but I have to confess, the one time I tried to watch an actual broadcast, it did not have the same charm. I think they are born for small doses.

Alex Ziegler

I was going to say, "How does one figure out one can do this," but I am a person who knows she can hang a spoon from her nose, chin, and both cheeks, all at the same time. How? Because I did it one day to make my nieces laugh. So there you go. Somewhere, there is a loved one whom he wanted to amuse, and now he has a party trick.

The Athletes at the 2026 ESPYs

Surprise: There were a lot.