Balenciaga's LA Show

Nicole Kidman

She looks great! She also looks like she's at the funeral of her colleague who died while running an op in Monte Carlo. (Nicole is their newest ambassador. I forgot Balenciaga made her wedding dress -- she mentioned that in her statement -- although that was under Ghesquiere and not Denma.)

Tracee Ellis Ross

Tracee has invented extendable shoulders, the better to invite your carrier pigeons to come home and perch on you and deliver messages from underground agents.

Billie Lourd

Billie was on assignment for the Agency in Paris, but she had to come and mourn her former lover, whose body CONVENIENTLY was never found.

Natasha Lyonne and Billie Lourd

In this fantasy, Natasha is her sister who still thinks Billie works in forensic accounting and who laughed during the eulogy.

Brooklyn and Nicola Peltz Beckham

LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA - DECEMBER 02: (L-R) Brooklyn Peltz Beckham and Nicola Peltz Beckham attend the Balenciaga Fall 24 Show on December 02, 2023 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Stefanie Keenan/Getty Images for Balenciaga)

Brooklyn somehow manages to look like a goober in everything. He has Bieber energy to me, in that way.

Cardi B

Cardi walked in the show. She's clearly cosplaying as Cookie Monster.

Rachel Sennott and Emily Alyn Lind

I think this is the first time I haven't seen Rachel in a micro-micro mini. But she looks like she's hoping you'll think she's Charli XCX, and Emily, like she's trying to be Paris Hilton circa 2003.

Salma Hayek

Business as usual here.

Victoria Pedretti

I feel like this is what Isabelle Huppert would have worn, had she attended.

Teyana Taylor

All of these pieces seem clumsy to me, when put together.

Joey King

I think the jacket would look better with the plainer tights?

Taylor Zakhar Perez

Those sleeves look... demi-puffed.

Tyler James Williams

I hope he was on the runway, because otherwise whaaaaat.

Samara Weaving

The visible thong and overlong double-pants make my veins throb.

Storm Reid

This brings some sanity.

2 Chainz

He is ready for some apres-ski.

Eva Longoria

She's showing off the purse expertly.

Cole Sprouse

Yes, that's a bath towel skirt, and yes, it costs $925, and YES, it's embarrassing, and yes, you bet that's an affiliate link; if someone out there in Fug Nation decides they must have it, I feel no shame or guilt about accepting a commission.

Hari Nef

I honestly don't understand how this DOESN'T feel like shlepping around under someone's laundry pile.

Ashley Graham

Ashley, I've decided, runs a rival spy organization and she and Nicole Kidman had a very loaded conversation over the crudite.

Paloma Elsesser

"Psst, Ashley, this message will self destruct in ten seconds."

Luka Sabbat

People, USE YOUR SLEEVES.

Amelia Hamlin, Lisa Rinna, Delilah Hamlin

LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA - DECEMBER 02: (L-R) Amelia Gray Hamlin, Lisa Rinna and Delilah Belle Hamlin attend the Balenciaga Fall 24 Show on December 02, 2023 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Stefanie Keenan/Getty Images for Balenciaga)

I'm exhausted by these three, for whatever reason. None of this looks stylish to me, so I guess I am never gonna be a Balenciaga person, or at least not in the current regime. I'm sure Denma is crushed by this news.

Zooey Deschanel

She has waited for the world to embrace thick black tights the way she did. NOW IS YOUR TIME, ZOOEY.