Bella Thorne Leads the Sheer Parade at the Critics' Choice Awards

Bella Thorne in Steven Khalil

52255496 The 22nd Annual Critics' Choice Awards held at The Barker Hangar in Santa Monica, California on 12/11/16. The 22nd Annual Critics' Choice Awards held at The Barker Hangar in Santa Monica, California on 12/11/16. Bella Thorne FameFlynet, Inc - Beverly Hills, CA, USA - +1 (310) 505-9876

And to think, some people say global warming isn't real.

Bella Thorne

52255502 The 22nd Annual Critics' Choice Awards held at The Barker Hangar in Santa Monica, California on 12/11/16. The 22nd Annual Critics' Choice Awards held at The Barker Hangar in Santa Monica, California on 12/11/16. Bella Thorne FameFlynet, Inc - Beverly Hills, CA, USA - +1 (310) 505-9876

She has EIGHT MOVIES AND A TV SHOW coming up. SURELY she feels adequately seen?!?

Michelle Monaghan in Monique Lhiillier

52255367 The 22nd Annual Critics' Choice Awards held at The Barker Hangar in Santa Monica, California on 12/11/16. The 22nd Annual Critics' Choice Awards held at The Barker Hangar in Santa Monica, California on 12/11/16. Michelle Monaghan FameFlynet, Inc - Beverly Hills, CA, USA - +1 (310) 505-9876

I was really surprised to learn this came from Lhuillier. Full disclosure: I often find her stuff extremely exocative of what I've seen elsewhere first, but I don't know this is that, or just... imitative of an idea that isn't quite natural to her. All of which is me using a lot of words to say: pass. And NO. And WHY. That little white bow being extruded from her cleavage like so much fresh pasta is making me nuts.

Carrie Keegan

52255385 The 22nd Annual Critics' Choice Awards held at The Barker Hangar in Santa Monica, California on 12/11/16. The 22nd Annual Critics' Choice Awards held at The Barker Hangar in Santa Monica, California on 12/11/16. Carrie Keegan FameFlynet, Inc - Beverly Hills, CA, USA - +1 (310) 505-9876

She is a "TV personality" whose dress suggests that she's mildly worried someone like me will put "TV personality" in quotes. Which I just did, twice, so I guess... anyway, we know who you are NOW, I guess.

Naomie Harris

Naomie! No! It's so MUNDANE, Naomie. It's run-of-the-mill, but from a really kind of subpar mill that you only go to when the other mills are closed! RESIST!

Haley Lu Richardson

Haley here starred with the other Hailee -- as in, Steinfeld -- in Edge of Seventeen. And she looks very pleasant and lovely as a human. But I'm very sorry for her that a muddy, albeit elegantly composed, tire ran straight over her before she arrived.

Kate Beckinsale

52255530 The 22nd Annual Critics' Choice Awards held at The Barker Hangar in Santa Monica, California on 12/11/16. The 22nd Annual Critics' Choice Awards held at The Barker Hangar in Santa Monica, California on 12/11/16. Kate Beckinsale FameFlynet, Inc - Beverly Hills, CA, USA - +1 (310) 505-9876

This is not as sheer as I feared at first, and not NEARLY as see-through as the runway version, for which we can all offer Kate a hearty well done because her cooler head prevailed. It does still look SILLY, though. That the sleeves are the most opaque part of this thing -- and also the most childlike -- is sincerely weird.

Kate Beckinsale

It is a BIT see-through still. Honestly, what bothers me more is just the entire cut of it. That the sleeves are the most opaque part of this thing -- and also the most childlike -- is sincerely weird. She almost looks silly

Kate Beckinsale

Also, she later removed her legs and just floated around on a cloud of electromagnetic funk.