2008: Bey in Armani

This was Beyonce's first Met, and as such, she went in gently. 

2011: Bey in Pucci

And then she went for drama. I keep thinking the lace is actually boob tattoos, which is distracting. Also, this looked hugely uncomfortable.

2011

She held herself super carefully on the red carpet, as if concerned she was going to burst, or it was a torture device that would slay her with one false step...

2011

... and needed extensive help getting up the stairs. This is not wise, everyone. People need TO MOVE in clothes.

2012: In Givenchy

From one rear view to another: The next year, she arrived in an eye-popping and also possibly butt-popping Givenchy. From the back, at least the train is pretty.

2012

From the front, it's ALL DOWNHILL. It's like puberty gone horribly wrong.

2013: In Givenchy

This was the year she and Kim both came in Givenchy. Kim was pregnant and upholstered; Beyonce was on fire. Neither outfit was flattering, and this one is so strangely fit. 

2013

In case you needed to see the boots. They could stay. For a concert.

2014: In Givenchy

Beyonce clearly decided that she was allergic to coverings at the Met, and so she was back to her sheer safe place the following year. If this had JUST been a real skirt...

2014

... but, it wasn't. And it looks like the seam is being extruded from her derriere.

2015: In Givenchy

So she topped that by going EVEN NAKEDER. 

2015

This outfit is, to me, as tacky as anything Kim and her Kards have ever worn. But much like them, you cannot argue that Beyonce's bod-yonce isn't on point. Because wow.

2016: In Givenchy

Eerily, the next year she pulled from the Kard playbook and essentially wore plastic sheeting.

2016

THIS sheeting has come down with a very expensive case of bubonic plague, and also looks like it might pop at any second down by her crotch.

2016

You can also see sweat through it. THIS is why the world invented breathable fabrics.

2011: Solange in Dries van Noten

And, over to Solange, the more avant-garde of the two. I like the top. I don't HATE the bottom? I don't think they needed to be in the same dress.

2012: In Rachel Roy

I miss lipstick here, but otherwise, this is simple and perfect. Interestingly, it's by Rachel Roy, the designer whom she two years later thought was flirting too hard with Jay-Z -- leading to that infamous elevator fight.

2013: in Kenzo

I also love this. She referred to it as "afro-punk." I think the fabric is swell on her and that she looks perfect.

2014: in Phillip Lim

However, here, someone left her cake out in the rain. Maybe THAT is why she was crabby in the elevator. I would be, too, if I realized I was wearing this.

2015: In Giles

"This year, I will be INTERGALACTICALLY BULLETPROOF."

2016: in David LaPort

This is fascinating as sculpture. It would be perfect for a Fraggle Rock-themed gala. I see you, Wembley.

2017: In Thom Browne

Believe it or not, this was NOT Moncler. I do wish I could wear my own sleeping bag around town, in a future where I have places to go.

2018: in Iris Van Herpen

She let the Internet vote on her Met dress, and this won. It is amazing.

2019: in Ferragamo

This was a bit of a letdown by comparison. But that's okay. Let's just imagine that whatever Solange had in mind for last night, it was an EXPLOSION of allegory and poetry rolled into one package.

I Knowles What You Did Last Spring

Sorry, that's a nonsense headline. It's just a Met Gala slideshow.