Maggie
Let's start with the ladies of the jury. Maggie is taking full advantage of Everyone Looks Hotter In Sunglasses, has a GREAT lip, makes me want to bob my hair, and is wearing Celine -- which feels very researched and right. It's polished French-y chic. She might need a necklace. But she looks like I imagine one wants to in Cannes -- ready for wind, ready for warmth, ready for an impromptu yacht trip....
Maggie Gyllenhaal, Jessica Hausner, Mati Diop, Spike Lee, Melanie Laurent and Mylene Farmer
... which you can see from her flat sandals. Jessica also looks cute but maybe needed to swap in a wedge for the photos? I like Mati's outfit, which I assume is Chanel. The sandals sell it. Melanie's dress is good but she needed less heavy footwear, and Mylene looks... ventilated. (It's also fine. IT'S FINE EVERYONE IS FINE.) And Spike somehow looks like a tourist who ran into all of them and asked for a pic for the 'gram.
Kleber Mendonca Filho, Spike Lee, Tahar Rahim and Song Kang-ho.
Kleber over there is giving me big Hugh Grant vibes. Tahar is CUTE but I would love a wacky sock here, just a flash of one, and Kang-ho looks nice and like a dad who JUUUUST made it to your class performance because he got stuck in traffic at work and now he has to stand at the back. (That's not an insult.) Also, some media outlets Anglicize the order of his name and some don't; I went with what his Wikipedia page says, but if that's the wrong play, no disrespect intended.
Jodie Foster in Louis Vuitton
Jodie looks exactly as you'd expect, and also as if she's doing a pro-am tennis event with Chris Evert and in a second she's going to bust out her Nike kicks and a racket and engage in a little spirited trash talk.
Marion Cotillard in Chanel
And Marion looks absurd. I'm sorry. I'm sure this is on-trend, but since when has that stopped me from being a crank and showing my age? I SIDE-EYE THIS. They might be shorts, and not bike shorts, but they LOOK like bike shorts and that's enough for me. Although honestly, they might not even be as bad as the blouse. The whole thing is delicious batshittery.
I did think you might want a closer squizz at her shoes.
Simon Helberg
Apparently he is in this movie-musical? So, I'm not into the shades of brown, typically, but clearly a lot of thought was put into this and it hangs together -- the shoes really bring it all in. If you are a UPS superfan, you could do worse than this outfit.
Ron Mael, Russell Mael
These guys are from the longtime band Sparks, and are here both as the subjects of their own documentary, and the writers of the music portion of this movie (I think I have that right). And I think we can all agree that when they make the film version of the documentary, Biendéca Cannesbâcler will play the one on the right. And also, very possibly, the one on the left. It'll be a tour de force. He'll be nominated for an Oscar for each performance, and then end up losing to Casey Affleck or Joaquin Phoenix because they played a sadsack.
Adam Driver made history for, they joked, being the first man to sing an original song in a movie while performing cunnilingus. He looks great and I hope that is the very first line on his IMDb bio henceforth.
"See? I smile! I feel glee! LOOK AT ALL OF THIS GLEE, JOHN OLIVER!"