Cannes 2021 Jury at the Closing Ceremony

Maggie Gyllenhaal in custom Gucci

CANNES, FRANCE - JULY 17: Actress Maggie Gyllenhaal attends the final screening of "OSS 117: From Africa With Love" and closing ceremony during the 74th annual Cannes Film Festival on July 17, 2021 in Cannes, France. (Photo by Marc Piasecki/FilmMagic)

I just... it's a giant frown. A giant reddish frown. A giant, reddish abdominal frown. Let's start a conspiracy theory about what's under the red part, which Maggie clearly stapled there in an attempt to conceal and distract, right? RIGHT?

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Matt Baron/Shutterstock (12219545fp) Maggie Gyllenhaal 'OSS 117: From Africa with Love' premiere and Closing Ceremony, 74th Cannes Film Festival, France - 17 Jul 2021

However, just this much? This is all fantastic.

Song Kang-ho and Maggie

"Perhaps it's staying in place because it's... A PARASITE. ZING."

Melanie Laurent in Armani

CANNES, FRANCE - JULY 17: Melanie Laurent attends the final screening of "OSS 117: From Africa With Love" and closing ceremony during the 74th annual Cannes Film Festival on July 17, 2021 in Cannes, France. (Photo by Daniele Venturelli/WireImage)

I would really have loved to see this without the gigantic buttons. This is not Armani for Gymboree.

I mean. Look how pretty that detailing is. Maybe if it were only three buttons, and not four? But no, I think zero buttons is the answer. Or at least smaller ones. OR, they're in the back, but not the front. NOTES. I have them.

Spike Lee

Spike looks like he was playing with sidewalk chalk that he then wiped all over himself. But in a joyful way. It's weird and wild and like a still-buffering special effect.

Tahar Rahim

He is extremely handsome, and yes, Mylene Farmer's dress is wacky.

Mylene Farmer

It's okay, Myleene, we saw your bike shorts without the help. This is very Widow at the Tour de France in Olden Times.

Mati Diop in Chanel

Mandatory Credit: Photo by David Fisher/Shutterstock (12219541gb) Mati Diop 'OSS 117: From Africa with Love' premiere and Closing Ceremony, 74th Cannes Film Festival, France - 17 Jul 2021

This dress is so pretty, and then we get to shoes so frumpy that even the Queen is just not sure.

The group

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Vianney Le Caer/Invision/AP/Shutterstock (12220642dp) Jury members Song Kang-ho, from left, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Jessica Hausner, Mati Diop, Spike Lee, Melanie Laurent,Tahar Rahim, Mylene Farmer, and Kleber Mendonca Filho poses for photographers upon arrival at the awards ceremony and premiere of the closing film 'OSS 117: From Africa with Love' at the 74th international film festival, Cannes, southern France 2021 Awards Ceremony Red Carpet, Cannes, France - 17 Jul 2021

I gather the man at the end, Kleber Mendonca Filho, is also on the jury? As is the lady in the white suit, Jessica Hausner. Sorry, Kleber and Jessica. Ms. Hausner can bring it up at the Conclave of the Jessicas. (I feel like I'm always getting that name wrong, so that's another grievance that can be aired.)

Mandatory Credit: Photo by David Fisher/Shutterstock (12219541et) Song Kang-Ho, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Jessica Hausner, Mati Diop, Melanie Laurent, Kleber Mendonca Filho, Mylene Farmer and Tahar Rahim 'OSS 117: From Africa with Love' premiere and Closing Ceremony, 74th Cannes Film Festival, France - 17 Jul 2021

If THIS were the new Gossip Girl, I'd be in. Maybe we can reboot Melrose Place.