Marion Cotillard in Jean Paul Gaultier
Isn't Cannes heavy Dior territory, and isn't Marion the Dior poster child? It's nice to see her in something that isn't so studiously wacky, and the color is fantastic. I can't decide if I like the dress itself that much, but the color MAY override my reservations. And obviously: NAB.
Aishwarya Rai in Elie Saab
She is for real. I love this on her.
Rita Ora in Marchesa
Well, we can't see her entire buttock, so this has to be considered a victory, even if I think the flower looks like it was made from crumpled tissue. Like it COULD have been pretty, had it not traveled by suitcase.
Kendall Jenner in Calvin Klein
Someone noted in the comments the other day that at least Kendall Jenner's missteps don't reek of desperation or delusion. Although honestly, I don't even count this as a misstep. The color is beautiful, and even if it looks a little Beach Wedding Bridesmaid, it also suits her extremely well. I have to say, of all the Jenndashians, she's the one who gives me the most hope -- just because she actually works for a living, and hard. at something that doesn't involve simply being a Jenndashian.
Doetzen Kroes in Margiela
I'm not sure I even CARE what the back is -- I just like this on her, period, tent-y cut be damned (and weirdly that's actually part of why I like it; she wears it so nicely). Granted, the second I say that, the back will turn out to be all solid except for a square window right over her derriere. Because that's always the way.
Eva Longoria in Georges Hobeika
"Yes, I forgot about this event and had to wear what I've been sleeping in. WHAT OF IT?"
Jourdan Dunn in Vera Wang
This is a size too small on top, yes? As if the dress is forcibly hunching her (in addition to bunching her in the chestal region).
Toni Garrn in Elie Saab
This is spicy. It feels like a Cannes reboot of an old Agatha Christie mysteries -- you know, Lively and Flashy Woman Who Commands Attention During Exotic Vacation Ends Up Dead. Not that I want any such fate to befall Toni here. I just could see her wearing this while hijacking the mic at a lounge and singing something while other people glare at her resentfully and maybe consider poisoning her Champagne.
April Love Geary in DSquared2
Okay. I really like that skirt a WHOLE LOT, even if the top seems to hit her a touch too high. But apparently she is also Robin Thicke's new girlfriend, and there was a news story recently that she had to rush her dog to the emergency vet because it had gotten into -- an eaten -- her poorly concealed weed stash, and the dog nearly died (and Robin Thicke has A SMALL CHILD, too). And so now I am concerned she is a horrible person and/or pet owner.
Michelle Rodriguez in Romona Keveza
She also looks miserable, and indeed, this dress does not seem to have any of her personality. It's VERY elegant and well-made -- Romona Keveza is great at this stuff -- but it isn't Michelle's dress. It's merely a dress that she happens to be wearing. (Michelle OBAMA, on the other hand, should wear this right now. Whatever she is doing.)
Karolina Kurkova in Alexis Mabille
That bodice just looks messy, and I'm not particularly attracted to the hook-and-eye closures that run up the front. Her face looks GORGEOUS, though, and I can see a bracelet poking out of there. KAROLINA. Show off the accessory. Try to distract us with bling.
Barbara Palvin
It's okay, but... for some reason when I see the dress and then go up to her face, she's younger than I expected. It just doesn't feel like a 21-year old's dress. Where is Sharon Stone? SHE would wear that, and she's an amfAR mainstay. I can't figure out why she isn't present.
Petra Nemcova
Next, on Dynasty: Krystle acts gently concerned about something, and then gently angry, and finally makes gentle love to Blake.
Anja Rubik in DSquared2
This is fairly groovy and has a leathery look to it. What I like about it is, the gown found a way to be unusual without having to resort to showing us everything about EVERYTHING. It can still be done, y'all.