Jessica Chastain in Givenchy
Oh, you guys. Purple. ROYAL purple. On a redhead. I cherish this look so much. It's stunning and does stunning things with her figure. Drool.
Milla Jovovich in Armani
Whereas this is fine, and all, but I am more concerned with why Milla is practically doing Paris Hilton-style red-carpet back bends. That can't be comfortable. Realign yourself, old chum.
Irina Shayk
And, the requisite model in a slinky revealing boobalicious "HELLO DO YOU SEE ME BECAUSE I AM RIGHT HERE" number. Cannes is like the OPPOSITE of a never-nude convention. It's a near-nude convention.
Alessandra Ambrosio
See? You can be a total foxy sexpot without your sexpots hanging out.
Li Yuchun
This woman followed up her spectacuwack red ruffled cape number with this equally insane fringe poncho/carpet combo and glittery bootaloons. That whole sentence is chock full of words that shouldn't go together.
Araya Hargate
I finally Googled this woman and I guess she, like most of the Cannes attendees, is an actress/model. This is sort of pretty, and sort of a very fancy version of the Stanford Tree, which is a joke I've made before about other outfits but I had no idea how apt it would continue to be. People, please stop emulating the Stanford tree.
Barbara Palvin
Sigh.
Petra Nemcova?
Okay, so Getty hasn't been super reliable at Cannes this time around, and I don't want to get punked again. They CLAIM this is Petra Nemcova. And I looked at this photo and went, "That is not Petra Nemcova. That CANNOT be Petra Nemcova." Right?
Petra Nemcova!
But then I saw THIS photo and was like, "Wait, that could be Petra Nemcova. It might in fact BE Petra Nemcova."
Petra...?
And THEN I was like, "Not Petra, and also that looks super uncomfortable."
Petra Nemcova-ish
AND THEN I was AGAIN like, "Wait, it COULD BE Petra, but with terrible makeup. Why is she contorting herself? WHO IS THAT? It really might be Petra."
I give up
AND FINALLY I was like, "I have no freaking clue what is going on here but I guess I don't hate her dress."