Anja Rubik
I hope it turns out that this isn't a dress, at all, but that she's been full-body waxed and then ritualistically sprinkled with Rogaine.
Karolina Kurkova
Not to be outdone, Karolina Kurkova has chosen to come dressed as Foxy Oscar.
Kate Upton
And by contrast, Kate Upton -- nakedest model of the year, thanks to Sports Illustrated -- looks like she thought this was a Marie Antoinette cake-cutting party. Although I'm pleased to note that in keeping with the apparent ACTUAL theme, the basket-weave is freeing her groin.
Madalina Ghenea
I have no idea who this is, except that apparently she briefly dated Leonardo DiCaprio, who is apparently allergic to dating non-models (except for that time he flung Blake Lively). Somebody should've told her to brush her furry neck pillow before getting out of the car.
Doutzen Kroes
This is quite cool, actually.
Doutzen Kroes
I even like the back, although if she sits down she's perilously close to cracking like a plumber working overtime.
Lily Donaldson
This is... fine? Very easy-breezy. I've never been to Cannes, and probably never will, but I always imagine it as one giant romp involving lots of daytime yacht parties, and this would fit right into that vision.
Cara Delevigne
Yes, you have a slit. We see it. I promise. Love the color, though. Just don't Lea Michele it quite so hard next time.
Liya Kebede
Those pants look like a disaster of tailoring, and yet somehow Liya looks completely cool to me in her take on a tux. Maybe it's because she's not moving and so I can't REALLY tell what the deal is. Or maybe it's because I feel like SWINTON would endorse this. Who can say.
Petra Nemcova
I couldn't tell if the dress was out of whack, or Petra's posture -- this was the closest I could find to her standing up straight, and still the bodice appears to be tilting. Oh, Petra. I blame Sean Penn, since apparently they're hooking up again. It just feels right to blame it on him and his skeezy mustache.
Irina Shayk
I guess Irina blew all her demi-nudity earlier in the year. Sigh. Plan ahead, girl. It's Cannes. You've got to have SOMETHING hanging out, or threatening to.