Helen Mirren in Del Core

I am THRILLED to see Helen Mirren in a designer beginning with D that doesn't end on "olce & Gabbana." But this one doesn't feel that elegant. It seems like the wrong material for all that tucking and darting and draping. Like trying to make a gown out of chinos.

But WAS IT, Helen? WAS IT?

Elle Fanning in McQueen

I suspect this looked better in person. It doesn't seem so twinkly in photos.

Hanne Jacobsen and Mads Mikkelsen

These two seem like a rad, stylish couple. Like, she's your friend who just looks great and put-together all the time at ALL your events, even the casual ones, and you can't figure out how she does it.

Pom Klementieff in Versace

I knew this had to be Donatella before I even looked it up. Her boning is her signature. This is fine? It's certainly dramatic. Actually, I do think it works well on her.

Naomi Campbell in Celine

This is elegant and flawless and I LOVE IT. Brie Larson should get on the horn with Celine ASAP.

Simona Tabasco

Ehhhh.... I like the train? The bodice seems awry, and as if they were out of ideas.

Fan Bingbing in Christopher Bu

If the dress is going to sit that low, I might have traded the earrings for a bigger statement necklace. But I'm thrilled to see her. She always turns up in something dramatic.

Speaking of, madam, I do not believe this was finished.

Elvira Jain

That train looks soft, and also colorful -- it's like a gelato case. I see chocolate, lemon, pistachio, vanilla, coffee, strawberry, maybe a watermelon...

GAH.

Chika Ike

And this rippling green cape is very dramatic, but...

... just kidding, for once this ISN'T a terrifying reveal. Although somewhere, a giantess is wondering where her matching scrunchies went.

I have to think this came from a bridal collection.

Cindy Bruna in Act No. 1

Please, be kind and don't bother her right hip today. It's CLEARLY in mourning.

Alessandra Ambrosio in Elie Saab 2005

Well. I love it. And it's archival! Yet also you'd believe me if I told you it was from this season.

Hofit Golan

For a wild second, I thought this was MASSIVE floofy bellbottoms, and while they would have been crazy, I also think it might have made this AMAZING. I mean, Cannes-amazing, not regular amazing.

Catherine Deneuve in Louis Vuitton

This is all very stately.

Irene Jacob in Chanel

This pattern is checkered race flags, which is from that season when Chanel used the Grand Prix as inspiration for a show in Monaco. But it works shockingly well.

Guan Xiaotong in Valentino

On the runway model, the bodice was really more of a cummerbund, so I guess let's be happy THAT didn't happen here.

Daphne Burki

Sparkly argyle? YES PLEASE.

Maya Diab in Jean Louis Sabaji

Must we? Also, look at the size of that jacket in the background. That's LONG.

Maria De Medeiros

I love this glittery, art-deco frock. She is serving modern flapper.

Araya Hargate

This is dramatic! It's serving Heaving Bosom.

Gong Li in Alaia

This is... maybe a little bleak. That NECKLACE, though.

Paola Turani

Lovely.

Emilia Schule in custom Gucci

Does it NEED the sheer bits?

Coco Jones in Valdrin Sahiti

Well obviously I'm on board with THIS.

Farhana Bodi in Atelier Zuhra

That's a bit of a muddle.

Emmanuelle Beart

Love the IDEA, but the top seems so sloppy.

Cannes Officially Opens With Elle Fanning, a Smurfy Helen Mirren, and BIG Skirts

Just the way we like it.