Halle Berry

I did chuckle at part of her press conference. From the woman who just brought visible pubis to the Met Gala: "The nudity part is also probably a good rule." I mean, if it's a good rule at Cannes, why not everywhere? Anyway, now she's a walking circus tent.

AND she has a place to store her parachute.

Juliette Binoche in Dior

She looks beautiful here, potentially interesting, kind of like she could be Rebecca Ferguson's mother in Dune or a Princess Leia ancestor. I had high hopes.

And then, can I get a womp-womp? I don't love how droopy the bodice looks but the pants need to burn,

Alba Rohrwacher

She doesn't look as much like Andrea Riseborough when I can actually see her face. The sunglasses throw me off but I don't think I would have mixed them up here?!? We'll never know. Anyway, this is fine but perhaps understyled in the head-suit area.

South korean filmmaker Hong Sang-Soo, Halle Berry, Jeremy Strong, Juliette Binoche, Alba Rohrwacher, Congolese filmmaker Dieudo Hamadi, Indian filmmaker Payal Kapadia, French-Moroccan writer and journalist Leila Slimani, Mexican filmmaker Carlos Reygada

Ladies and gentlemen, your jury. I love that Jeremy Strong busted out the dusty pink (it's custom Loro Piana). Really, everyone looks fine, except I have a HUGE grudge against Juliette's pants and I'm disappointed we didn't get Halle's original plan.

Heidi Klum in Elie Saab

One of her stylists put up a meme the morning of this premiere that was two people dancing and it was, "My healed self and my hood self deciding who's going to handle the situation," and I'm DYING to know if it was about whether Heidi should risk it for the biscuit. She did, and no one did a bloody thing, so it seems. Good for her. WEAR THE DRESS. This was MADE for Cannes.

I MEAN.

ONCE MORE WITH FEELING.

Eva Longoria in Tamara Ralph

That was Eva up there with Heidi, and while I like this dress conceptually, it never looked like it fit her chest properly. It seems huge and boxy.

She did also have a train that I suppose one MIGHT have considered an inconvenience if one were a Cannes official who decided to be cranky? Mostly it looks inconvenient to HER, as does the butt bow.

Nava Mau in Carolina Herrera

Fabulous. I was a little worried when she first started going to fashion shows, because they were putting her in crazy stuff in the front rows, but she's been glam as hell when it counts.

Farhana Bodi

This honestly looks like it collapses to a very portable size. Like a car sunroof.

Frederique Bel

And this was deemed fine and not too naked. I mean, who was supposed to do an appropriateness check on everyone, anyway? Do they wand you at the door and then bust out a tape measure and calculate the percentage chance of flashing someone? Please. Also, I love her purse. You surely don't waylay a lady with a FRENCH FRY PURSE.

Bella Hadid

P.S., Bella Hadid is blond now. And EXTREMELY evenly tanned. It looks like she went somewhere that offered to match her hair and her skin exactly. The dress may have always been the plan, but it sure feels like a late replacement for something saucier.

She looks really generic to me now -- or at least, you could convince me this was some other random model who simply resembles Bella. I think she gave up too much of herself here. Luckily, she can exfoliate and buy some Clairol whenever she's ready to revert.

Maria Borges

This is so... hasty-seeming.

Julia Garner in Gucci

I don't love this either. I'm so curious whether this was ever intended to be sheer on top.

Wan QianHui

Clearly this was also deemed non-intrusive?!? HALLE, YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN FINE.

Blanca Blanco

Why oh why couldn't her sandals play off the clutch? What a jarring choice with an evening gown.

Irina Shayk

She would've been a contender for Most Likely To Be Naked-Adjacent and there's something almost petulant in the way she's wearing this confection.

Urvashi Rautela

That is majestic. I LOVE it. That's on my top list already for sure.

Robert De Niro and Tiffany Chen

He got an achievement award. I do not think Tiffany's dress straps were supposed to slide off like that -- it seemed accidental and frankly kind of annoying for her.

Shanina Shaik

I like this, and it also looks like she could use it as a little hors d'oeuvre tray.

Alessandra Ambrosio in Zuhair Murad

I am thrilled her elbows are warm. Cold elbows are a plague upon this earth. I do think... maybe that necklace is not the right match to this dress?

Mari Fonseca

That skirt is gorgeous and I wish there were more of it.

Leo

Leo popped by to hand a statue to De Niro, and this photo just made me laugh. They look like they just came out of their courthouse wedding.

This also looks like three people who have been forced to hold hands (which I believe they are, the jurors do this every year) but are not sure how to talk to each other. And then Alba, who's just happy to stare at Kendall Roy and ask him what the ending meant.

The New Cannes Dress Code Thwarted Halle Berry Already

She ditched Plan A!