Natalie Portman in Dior

The shoes are my ONE beef, mostly because the longer you look at them, somehow the less of them there is?!? But I get the idea.

Charles Melton in Boss

Sir, what hath thou wrought?

Charlotte Le Bon in Miu Miu

NO, SORRY. Both of you need to go to the principal's office.

Stacy Martin in LV

"But I did okay, right? I did!"

'Bonnard, Pierre and Marthe' photocall, 76th Cannes Film Festival, France - 22 May 2023

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Steve Wood/Shutterstock (13925806e) CZcile De France 'Bonnard, Pierre and Marthe' photocall, 76th Cannes Film Festival, France - 22 May 2023

Alicia Vikander in Louis Vuitton

This seems to be from the same corner of the Vuitton atelier as the one Julianne Moore wore to her premiere, but better, or at least less silly. That neckline makes it look like it's on backward, which is not ideal.

Alicia Vikander

Can you imagine having to do one of these with that crush of people pressed up behind you?

with Jude Law

I am sure these two get along fine, but the aura of this photo is very much "I am not here for his weird nonsense so I will just smile and pretend he isn't there."

Marion Cotillard

Chanel has SO much to answer for. So much.

Khady Mane, Ramata-Toulaye Sy, Mamadou Diallo

Ramata-Toulaye (center, in Chanel) is, per Deadline, only the second Black woman to make it into competition at Cannes. She discovered Khady on the street late in the casting process. Mamadou over there just looks cool as hell in his shades. I love all of this.

Robert De Niro , Lily Gladstone , Leonardo DiCaprio

I love Lily's cape. One of you said you can't wait to see these outfits in a wrap-up after she wins her Oscar for this movie, and I LOVE that idea.

Tantoo Cardinal, Jillian Dion, Janae Collins, Cara Jade Myers

The other ladies of the cast look IMPECCABLE. Seriously.

Jesse Plemons, Robert De Niro, Martin Scorsese

For some reason, our photo service captioned him as "Jess Glynne," who is an English singer. ("Hold My Hand" is probably her best-known song here? You definitely heard it a lot, like in the trailers for Bridget Jones's Baby.) He and De Niro look so similarly frowny that I've decided they should play relatives, if they do not here.

Siran Riak

Yes to ALL of this.

Anais Demoustier in Celine

I need that jacket. I think Celine right now is what Chanel wishes it were.

Chloe Maayan

That's so pretty, and her LIPSTICK.

Ester Exposito in Acne Studios

Shit. Someone left her cake out in the rain.

Michael Pitt, Raquel Nave, Tye Sheridan, Jean-Stéphane Sauvaire and Sean Penn

Apparently Sean Penn is back at it. Tye Sheridan in the middle there brought a very nice ensemble indeed, and Michael Pitt looks like he's biting the insides of his cheeks.

LIly-Rose Depp

She has Resting Are You Fucking Kidding Me face.

Jennie Kim in Shushu Tong

This is cute on her.

Hank Azaria, Hari Nef, Moses Sumney, Jennie Kim, Sophie Mudd, Troye Sivan, Sam Levinson, Lily-Rose Depp, Abel 'The Weeknd' Tesfaye and Da'Vine Joy Randolph

And here's the whole gang. I wish people I like, like Hari Nef and Da'Vine Joy Randolph and Jennie, hadn't gotten sucked into this really awful-seeming show. Everything Abel or Sam says makes it, and them, sound douchier and douchier. The fact that Sam Levinson's response to all the horrible on-set rumors was to crow to his wife that they're about to be The Show of the Summer... ew, dude.

Karidja Toure

This is like an edgy tennis dress.

Harrison Ford and Phoebe Waller-Bridge

Well at least parking was easy.

Natalie Portman's Cannes Photocall Is My New Avatar

It's amazing.