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Cardi B in Schiaparelli

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Rob Latour/Shutterstock (12612436fp) Cardi B American Music Awards, Arrivals, Microsoft Theater, Los Angeles, USA - 21 Nov 2021

Never let it be said that Cardi B is a wallflower. This is hilarious. She looks like the widow of whomever throws that party in Eyes Wide Shut, here to preside over the anonymized grief orgy that she knows is what her late spouse would truly want. There will be no passed apps; only whatever crudités are served atop the bodies of naked cater-waiters. You might want to eat before you arrive.

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Rob Latour/Shutterstock (12612436fr) Cardi B American Music Awards, Arrivals, Microsoft Theater, Los Angeles, USA - 21 Nov 2021

I assume there are eyeholes somewhere in here. Do you think this was also created from a cast of her face? It kind of looks like it, right? It's extremely unsettling. (If I were her, I would rig it so that it could hover next to the bed and scare the ever-living shit out of Offset when he wakes up. Just to remind him who's boss.) I would love it if we were to find out this isn't Cardi B at all, and that she decided to send out a body double while she stayed inside to prepare for the hosting gig.

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Jordan Strauss/Invision/AP/Shutterstock (12612564o) Cardi B arrives at the American Music Awards, at Microsoft Theater in Los Angeles 2021 American Music Awards - Arrivals, Los Angeles, United States - 21 Nov 2021

She DOES have some peripheral vision, at least. In addition to her sightless ear eyeballs and their fingers. I suppose if you're going to go there with Schiaparelli, then GO THERE.

Cardi B

Mandatory Credit: Photo by John Salangsang/Shutterstock (12609873ai) Cardi B 2021 American Music Awards, Red Carpet Roll-Out, Los Angeles, California, USA - 19 Nov 2021

Here is Cardi from a day or two earlier, at a photo shoot for the unrolling of the red carpet, or somesuch; she looks great. Cardi B is one of the few people for whom this outfit would legitimately be the smart-casual alternative.

Cardi B Takes Masking to the Fullest Extreme
In Schiaparelli, at the AMAs.

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