Jennifer Lopez, Keith Urban and Harry Connick Jr.

"I have a secret, lovers. Reality TV is not real. KEEP IT TO YOURSELVES. But it is the truth. In real life, I do not like to walk around as the meat in the man-hair sandwich. The Lopez is the meat AND the sandwich.

Jennifer Lopez, Keith Urban

"We are staring into the distance because, five minutes earlier, Mr. Kidman suggested that a Mr. Gumby might want to hump my leg and I scoffed because The Lopez does not HUMP."

'American Idol' Judges Attend The 'Hollywood Week' Auditions

"This pattern reminds me of the beautiful time when i was one with Puff Daddy -- glitter and animal print and shoelaces and FLOWERS THAT MIGHT KILL. Do not ask. I signed papers."

Jennifer Lopez

"Sweatpants are passe, lovers. Sweatbags are the future. I saw it in a dream. Or did the dream see it in me? Lovers, somebody call Pitbull. I need to create."

Casual Fuggerday: Jennifer Lopez at American Idol Auditions

"HOLA LOVERS. Did you miss me? So did my palazzo pants, until I dug them out of the basement at my old house with Marc, from a box right behind his Wednesday coffin and the IV drip stand." [Photos: Fame/Flynet]