1984
Here is Colin Firth with an absolutely resplendent cloud of hair. Take THAT, Chalamet.
1985
Here is Colin Firth trying to seduce you into joining the mathletes.
Here is Colin Firth in a play called "The Lonely Road," for which he has to look hot in a uniform.
Here is Colin Firth trying to pull off that hat, while ignoring the efforts of the band behind him.
Here is Colin Firth serving a surprising likeness to... former SNL-er Bobby Moynihan?!?
1987
Here is Colin Firth wearing a tragic mustache for a project with Kenneth Branagh. It's a WWI-era movie, which probably explains the facial hair.
Here is Colin Firth (in "Valmont") luxuriating in the freedom of billowing sleeves.
And HERE is Colin Firth punting with a robust ponytail.
Here, possibly, is Colin Firth falling for Meg Tilly, with whom he had a child after they met on this project.
Here is Colin Firth working some Hugh Grant-style hair.
1993
Here is Colin Firth looking like an extra in a Monty Python scene who is miffed he can't say "BRING OUT YOUR DEAD."
1995
Here is MR DARCY, Darcying it up all over the place.
1996, with Jennifer Ehle
Here is Colin Firth with his Lizzy Bennet, whom he ALSO fell for during shooting, but with whom he must have broken up with by the BAFTAs because he was there with his future wife Livia.
Here is Colin Firth looking shlubby-cute in Fever Pitch, and me wishing he could later have starred in the American version opposite Drew Barrymore. Not that Jimmy Fallon was bad in it -- it was, in fact, the last time I liked Jimmy Fallon -- but just because everything is better with Firth.
1998
Here is Colin Firth in full Tudor garb, managing to make it look dashing.
2003
Here is Colin Firth with Naomie Harris, both of them looking adorable.
2003
Here is Colin Firth filming a shopping montage with Amanda Bynes for their totally charming teen flick, the memory of which is now sad for TWO reasons (Amanda's struggles, and Kelly Preston's death). At least they were happy here.
2003
Here is Colin Firth getting his face squeezed by Emma Thompson, which frankly I wish she would do to me right now.
2004
Here is Colin Firth radiating goodness.
2004
Here is Colin Firth getting BOOPED on the nose by... himself.
2005
Here is Colin Firth sitting next to Angela Lansbury, because he knows ALL OF THE BROADS.
2005
Here is Colin Firth looking like some sort of delicious rumpled pirate.
2006
Here is Colin Firth waiting for you on a park bench, thinking about how happy he is that you're coming, and how great your hair is going to look when you finally arrive.
2007
Here is Colin Firth in a movie with Aishwarya Rai, which I had NO IDEA existed, and which looks here like a really bad green screen even if it wasn't.
2007
Here is Colin Firth getting an honorary degree from the University of Winchester, WORKING that cap and tassel.
2009
Here is Colin Firth looking hotter in sunglasses.
A Single Man - 2009
Here are Colin Firth and Julianne Moore looking so very hot and troubled and hot.
2010
Here is Colin Firth correctly identifying Meryl Streep (I assume; I feel like it's a safe bet he's not swaying, "Oh, look, it's TV's Joan Lunden!").
2010
Here is Colin Firth feeling REALLY perplexed by what he just saw unfold at Wimbledon.
2010
Here is Colin Firth thinking, "Do you think I'm sexy? Say it again. And again."
2010
Here is Colin Firth looking dashing next to Colin Firth, who is also looking dashing.
2011
Here is Colin Firth's waxwork, which is not NEARLY as bad as it could have been, sincerely.
2012
Here is Colin Firth promoting a movie I sincerely have bleached from my memory, and I think that lion is trying to say with its eyes that we all just need to move along and let it escape with its dignity.
2013
Here is Colin Firth in another movie I don't remember, which presumably involves him and Nicole Kidman sharing one brain.
2013
SURPRISE: Here is a GIANT STATUE OF COLIN FIRTH AS MR DARCY that was erected in Scarborough. There is nothing more amazing to me than this man just trying to do his thing on his boat (possibly his job) while a hulking fake Firth chills out with him.
Did no one think that Fake Firth might TERRIFY small children? It terrifies ME.
Here is Colin Firth wondering if some dink took his seat at Wimbledon, or if he's counting incorrectly.
Here is Colin Firth having a lot of questions about that line call, while Cliff Richard tries to watch in peace.
2014
Here is Colin Firth proving that, in fact, his iPhone is all we need to start Drinks With Broads for real.
2015
Here is Colin Firth, BUT MAKE IT FASHION.
2016
Here is Colin Firth potentially being very bad at selfies.
2016
Here is Colin Firth praying to the heavens that someone will deliver him Helen Mirren.
2016
Here is Colin Firth making a mental note to donate to his local Church because GOD IS REAL.
2019
Here is Colin Firth just being Colin Firth, in a great way.
2020
Here is Colin Firth with a beard, which I like to imagine has grown woolly and wild during coronavirus.
And HERE, from a little over a week ago, is the giant Mr. Darcy cake. It was placed at the site where they shot Pemberley, but... to what end, I do not know. Is someone going to eat Mr. Darcy? I assume he's gone rotten by now, but please tell me someone nibbled on this man, even if he is no substitute for the real thing.
He does not, to me, look like Colin Firth. But whom DOES he resemble? I think it's the half of his face on our left that's throwing me off. Oh well. Happy Birthday, Colin, and I hope someone sent you your own edible head.