Celine Dion Again

in Ronald Van Der Kemp

Celine Dion leaving the Hôtel Ritz Paris in Paris, France. Featuring: Celine Dion Where: Paris, Île-de-France, France When: 30 Jun 2019 Credit: Jonathan Rebboah/News Pictures/WENN.com **Only available for publication in UK, USA, China, Japan, Sweden, Norway, Denmark, Australia, South Africa, Argentina)**

I couldn't figure out why Celine was giving us the full Paris Hilton pose -- you know, the one that's practically a full back bend -- but then I saw the her walking in this...

in Ronald Van Der Kemp

... and I feel like it doesn't move very well, so she figured out a line in the mirror that would give her one crisp photo. From this angle, the coat looks bunchy and the skirt looks like a fright wig she bought at Goodwill. She is the ringmaster of Big Bird's NIGHTMARES.

in Miu Miu

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Swan Gallet/WWD/Shutterstock (10324882x) Celine Dion in the front row Miu Miu Cruise 2020 show, Front Row, Hippodrome d'Auteuil, Paris Fashion Week, France - 29 Jun 2019 Wearing Miu Miu

She looks like the 1986 Prom chaperone who's taking it way too seriously, and also will bust out a mean rumba at the worst moment.

Celine in Off-White

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Philippe Blet/Shutterstock (10324348f) Celine Dion Celine Dion out and about, Paris, France - 29 Jun 2019

And here, you think, "Oh, how colorful, this seems promising," but then you think, "Wait, is that... do my eyes deceive me, or..."

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Philippe Blet/Shutterstock (10324348c) Celine Dion Celine Dion out and about, Paris, France - 29 Jun 2019 Wearing Off-White Same Outfit as catwalk model Gigi Hadid *10311790i

... and yes, it's basically a bathing suit. It's CRAZY and I both can and can't believe she's teetering around the streets of Paris without pants. It's striking in the wrong way, to me; imagine if that were a dress, or even a romper or matching shorts and a top. Whatever. But a bathing suit and a blazer... Remember that show Ed, where he was a lawyer in a bowling alley? Maybe Celine is Edwina, an attorney at a swim-up bar. I'd go.