Adriana Lima
Weren't we JUST HERE? Didn't Joan Smalls just give us this particular aneurysm in Cannes? Is this Go-Go-Gadget fashion, where it's a minidress and then the right verbal command drops it floor-length so that it can execute some incredibly handy function, like... oh, I don't know, waterproofing? And is this EVER not going to look dumb?
Joan Smalls
Even Joan is like, "Dude, I need a clean slate." This is about as blank a slate as it gets.
Linda Evangelista in Oscar de la Renta
Linda Evangelista got bumped to third place in this slideshow because of Adriana Lima, so I guess... mission accomplished, Adriana. As for Linda, isn't this a bit disappointingly shapeless and been-there for one of the old guard diva supermodels?
Lily Aldridge in The Row
Those shoes are insane. They are foot Scrunchies.
Lily Aldridge
Seriously, those are not for the public. They are for dancing around your dressing room in a silky slip, spritzing perfume in your cleavage from one of those bottles with a long woven pump and powder-puffing yourself because you're going to the freaking movies with Daddy Warbucks and maybe, just maybe, he will try to get to second base after the orphan falls asleep.
Hilary Rhoda
I love this. Straight up, now, I will tell it that I really want to love it forever.
Karlie Kloss
Ooh. Yes. Karlie has been very excited about this region of her body lately, or so it feels, but this dress is pretty freaking cool.
Alessandra Ambrosio
This is all plain and simple from the front...
Alessandra Ambrosio
... and all netting in the back. Meh. Next.
Miranda Kerr in Proenza Schouler
I like this, to. I am not sure I have ever bought into HER, particularly, but she finally chose a good outfit at least.
Karolina Kurkova (possibly in Michael Kors?)
It's short. It's also shorts, which makes the shortness slightly less squiffy, but... I just wish it were like four inches longer, and a dress. The shorts aren't adding anything cool here. Well, I suppose they are cool in a climate-control kind of way. But that's it.
Ireland Baldwin in David Meester
Is she a model? I believe she's modeling, more than she is acting, so... it counts. She looks pretty, and boy, is she a mix of her parents. I feel like here, she looks pretty Baldwin...
Ireland Baldwin
... and now her Basinger is totally showing.
Jessica Stam
Something about this peplum, weirdly, makes me keep thinking that she's shrugging. As if to say, "Eh, whatever, I don't know." My verdict: The color and accessories are fun, the shoes look like they are breaking her feet, the hair is no, and the eyebrows make her eyes look small. She used to be as in-demand as Coco Rocha, back in the day when they were on the catwalks, and unfortunately for Stammy I think Coco is getting the better of her right now.
Erin Wasson in Alexander Wang
Her naked Globes ridiculousness was a year and a half ago, and I STILL want to begin every piece about her with, "Well, at least she's covered." When will that stain wash away? Regardless: She looks okay, and it's a cool enough dress, but there is enough threat of underboob that I'm not as enchanted as she wants us to be. We're at underboob Defcon 3, although the General is really starting to stress out about whether we need to kick it to Defcon 2.