CMAs Bigness

Jennifer Nettles in Christian Siriano

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Stephen Lovekin/Shutterstock (10472108ag) Jennifer Nettles 53rd Annual CMA Awards, Arrivals, Bridgestone Arena, Nashville, USA - 13 Nov 2019

I was sort of hoping she'd gone rogue and made this herself at home with a Sharpie, but apparently she designed it with Christian Siriano. It says, "Play Our F*@!!ing Records Please & Thank You" on the cape. Honestly, I might have left off the niceties -- play their f*@!!ing records RIGHT NOW -- but I'm a crone, so.

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Evan Agostini/Invision/AP/Shutterstock (10474337af) Jennifer Nettles wears a cape that reads "Equal Play" at the 53rd annual CMA Awards at Bridgestone Arena, in Nashville, Tenn 53rd Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals, Nashville, USA - 13 Nov 2019

The back features art by Alice Mizrachi (actually she might have done the lettering as well, but this is the real art focus). It says EQUAL PLAY on her back. I actually think this is sensational.

Maren Morris in Honayda

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Matt Baron/Shutterstock (10474303an) Maren Morris 53rd Annual CMA Awards, Arrivals, Bridgestone Arena, Nashville, USA - 13 Nov 2019

Our optimism about her fashion was misplaced.

Carrie Underwood in Yas Couture

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Matt Baron/Shutterstock (10474303cd) Carrie Underwood 53rd Annual CMA Awards, Arrivals, Bridgestone Arena, Nashville, USA - 13 Nov 2019

The DNA test on this dress came back and turns out it's 100 percent Carrie Underwood. It's glittery, it's tight, it's very mini, it has transparency, there's a train that looks horrible with it... this is like Carrie Underwood Red Carpet Bingo.

Kristen Chenoweth

Well, she DID get a Tony nomination for playing Glinda the Good Witch.

Halsey

So, Halsey, to me, looks enormously like Paige Spara, the actress on The Good Doctor who pops up occasionally to remind us that Freddie Highmore has a roommate. And with this hair, that similarity is EVEN EERIER. I love the bob on her, though, and I actually think this dress blends edge and elegance in a way that is IDEAL on her.

Gwen and Blake

NASHVILLE, TENNESSEE - NOVEMBER 13: (EXCLUSIVE COVERAGE - FOR EDITORIAL USE ONLY) Gwen Stefani (L) and Blake Shelton attend the 53rd annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 13, 2019 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by John Shearer/Getty Images for the Country Music Association)

I don't know why Gwen Stefani bothered with a crazy neck-sleeve and then decided not to walk the red carpet (that I have found, anyway).

Martina McBride

Hard for me to be mad at a big rainbow skirt.

Kacey Musgraves in Valentino

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Stephen Lovekin/Shutterstock (10472108dp) Kacey Musgraves 53rd Annual CMA Awards, Arrivals, Bridgestone Arena, Nashville, USA - 13 Nov 2019

This does absolutely nothing for me, but it is tailor-made (though not custom) for her whole yeehaw style thing she's talked about before.

Pink

This may not be BIG, per se, but the hattitude IS something and it's absolutely different for her. I don't like the color. Also, this reminds me of something Christine Elise would have worn in her BH90210 incarnation, and now I'm sad all over again that weirdo show is dead.

Hannah Brown

This is gorgeous. I don't love that I can see a mini tutu underneath, cutting across the overskirt, but it's not too visible. She looks wonderful. I hope she got tipsy and spent the whole night telling people stories that her DWTS co-star Sean Spicer is bullshit.

Trisha Yearwood

THIS is a COMMITMENT TO PRINT.

Tanya Tucker

This is just wonderfully, delightfully campy which is her M.O. I don't know how she found a suede shirt that gives the weird illusion that I can see one of her nipples, but... here we have it.