Exhibit A: Carrie Underwood in Gauri + Nainika
The defense opens by pointing out that this color is extremely nice, and that there's a pleasant theme to the flare on the peplum and the flare on the skirt. The prosecution wants to know if her lips and her bronzer were mixed with the same pigment as the dress, which the defense argues gives it all some continuity but which the prosecution thinks is just a little anal retentive. Then it devolves into the prosecution throwing bracelets like horseshoes at her wrists in the photos, so the judge bangs the gavel and suggests they move on to Exhibit B.
Exhibit B: Carrie Underwood in Rani Zakhem
The prosecution snorts something derisive about why we're suddenly watching the Golf Channel, but the judge is not amused, pointing out that Brad Paisley and his comedic pants pranks are not on trial here. The defense compliments the very artsy valentine scheme of this dress, but the prosecution loudly wonders when exactly it was attacked by a jungle cat.
Exhibit B.2
The prosecution here freaks out, because this wasn't part of its initial presentation and the sight of William Shatner in a storm trooper suit -- and Carrie's facial expression -- could prejudice the jury favorably toward EVERYTHING in this picture. The defense just looks up at the ceiling and whistles innocently.
Exhibit C: Carrie Underwood in Gauri + Nainika
The prosecution points out the little window in the back and crabs that the pattern looks like a really boring nature walk. The defense sniffs that it's very artsy and lovely and maybe the prosecution needs to GO on a nature walk and put down its phones and LIVE GOD DAMMIT LIVE and then starts singing "We Are The World."
Exhibit D
The prosecution just points and then sits down again. The defense calls Neil DeGrasse Tyson to the stand to lay down some science about the cosmos, but the prosecution rages that this is SCREAMINGLY unfair and the judge agrees.
Exhibit E: Carrie Underwood
The defense agrees with Carrie that we should all look at Brad's sparkly jacket. The prosecution notes that it makes sense to deflect attention, given that Carrie's dress is patchy and inconsistent and staring at it too long will give you wrinkles.
Exhibit F: Carrie Underwood in Erevos Aether
The prosecution boils over and wonders WHY you don't just WEAR LEATHER PANTS ALREADY, to which the defense responds that perhaps her favorite part of her body is those two inches of upper thigh and why are you DENYING HER the CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT to show off what makes her happy, and it's PHYSICAL FREE SPEECH and evne the judge makes the BLAH BLAH BLAH hand gesture. The prosecution smugly suggests that it will take Carrie and a team of three minions about half an hour to remove those.