Rihanna in Gucci

This is from Riri's Instagram, which she posted with a caption about how she couldn't go home because not enough people had seen her outfit yet. She looks hilarious. It's one of those outfits where ostensibly she's just trying to blend in with the other wingnuts, but in fact, she would like to make sure she is seen.

Kendall Jenner

Girl, you're supposed to REMOVE the parachute.

Hailee Steinfeld

Can we call a time of death on thigh-high boots? They damn everyone to Cankletown.

Those boots are... I don't even know what temperature it's supposed to be there anymore. I guess they'll repel dirt?

I have a bad feeling about paper-bag waists coming back. First there's this, and then...

Freida Pinto

... THIS. WHAT HAS H&M DONE TO FREIDA PINTO. 

Kendall Jenner

I believe this is the very definition of "overstyled."

Kylie Jenner in PrettyLittleThings

This could have gone way worse, that's for sure. I'm a little concerned about her hair, though. Here, she looks like she cracked open and liquefied a thousand highlighters and dumped them on her head...

... and then here, she's purple. She must deep condition three times a day.

Leona Lewis

And then Leona Lewis showed up dressed as a South Florida loveseat.

Chanel Iman

It's short, but at least it has personality.

Christina Milian

The denim diapers just make me think of rough times in Britney Spears's life.

Jamie Chung

Jamie Chung is one of those people who always looks way cuter and more stylish than I expect, even in stuff I don't know if I like.

AnnaLynne McCord

That bathing suit is not going to stand up to water. Or sitting. Or drinking, or the application of sunscreen, or motion in general. 

Nicole Richie

Nicole is dressed as Baby from Dirty Dancing, when she realized she was kinda hot for Patrick Swayze and started wearing hotter clothes and dancing on logs and stuff.

Shanina Shaik

That wrist adornment may have taken just as long to put on as the outfit itself.

Emma Roberts

This might work if we just cut off the arm bicep cuffs.

Chanel Iman

A+ for the necklace. That fringe must be desperately irritating, though, the way it tickles all her limbs.

Soko

She looks like a VERY confused exchange student.

Kate Bosworth

She's at a Rachel Zoe party, and this FEELS very Rachel Zoe to me. (And is, in fact, Rachel Zoe Collection!)

Kaia Gerber

These long filmy coverups are also happening hardcore at Coachella right now. 

Alessandra Ambrosio

This genuinely is the only way to do Coachella: not actually being at Coachella.

Emily Ratajkowski

This looks more or less right. Also, she REALLY REALLY loves to tilt her head in that direction.

Victoria Justice

This too. I mean, I don't have to love it, but at least it's made up of actual clothes.

The cast of Riverdale

Did we interrupt Cole Sprouse in the middle of his portraiture class? Also we probably need to discuss Riverdale, and how the show would be a lot better if they wrote out all the Blossoms -- or, immediately recast them and then proeeded like nothing happened. The more words they give Cheryl, the flatter her delivery of them, and the glorified extra they hired to play Jason can't even gaze at people convincingly. It's like he doesn't know how to use his face. His storyline needs actual real flashbacks where he's able to converse and be charismatic, and it's clearly impossible. This show has a lot going for it otherwise -- Archie is not great, but if he was the only problem, we could handle it -- and so it PAINS ME when they do Cheryl Blossom Exposits Stuff About Maple-Tree Tapping And Her Family Business. NO.

Yara Shahidi

I find it interesting that she put a tank top under this. I wonder if she had to wear whatever H&M had on-hand and this was falling off her so she decided to layer up.

Ariel Winter

Which means I guess Ariel Winter made the opposite decision.

Sophie Turner

Her coat is printed like a bandanna, and I can't decide if that's CRAZY or if I want one. Possibly both? But then I would never wear it, possibly, out of fear of being side-eyed by people who are like, "SINCE WHEN are you a bandanna person."

Rita Ora

Much like I am side-eyeing Rita Ora's cowboy boots and giggling, "SINCE WHEN, RITA ORA."

Tinashe

I think this might want me to believe it's snow-washed denim, but that it's actually velour. I'm not sure which reality is less appealing.

Amber Rose

Add tights and a coat and you, too, could wear your bathing suit out on the town.

Emma Roberts

Are there cuter shoes? Yes. Does she overall look great and normal even though she's at Coachella? YES. So, a victory.

Leona Lewis

If you need a bra under your bathing suit, it's probably not a great bathing suit.

Roisin Murphy

Roisin here was performing, and her costume changes were magic. She went from this...

... to this... 

... to THIS. Which is what you'd wear to a masquerade if you were going as That Thing Your Little Brother Did To Your Dolls.

I just want you all to look at this more, again, and forever.

Sophie Turner

And now for something completely normal.

Melody Thornton

She's a former Pussycat Doll. Remember her? One year she made a push into Fug Madness. And now I guess her nipples are making a push of their own here. Although honestly, it's the shoes that hurt the most.

Jamie Chung

Well, I like her sunglasses and her shoes, at least.

Bebe Rexha

I feel like David Bowie, from the Great Beyond, wishes she'd paid homage to him in different shoes.

Serayah

Those shoes again. They muset have been handing them out.

Kat Graham

Obviously she looks awesome

Ireland Baldwin

No no no no no no.

Peyton List

Of all the things I could question here... why are her boots different HEIGHTS?

Ashlee and Evan

I think Evan Ross might need to accept that he is not Pharrell's millinery equal.

Lady Victoria Hervey

I cannot believe my eyes. Lady Victoria Hervey shows up at a traditionally EXTREMELY naked music festival AND SHE'S FULLY CLOTHED? In something CUTE? IS SHE THE HUMAN EMBODIMENT OF OPPOSITE DAY?

There Is Still So Much Nay (And Some Occasional Yays) From Coachella 2017

Rihanna, Kendall, Yara, Hailee, and the cast of Riverdale -- among others -- await you.