Harry and Shania

Harry is in Gucci, as you might imagine; he looks like a wonderful disco ball, and that jumpsuit is perfect for Coachella. It screams "desert rave." I also think Shania looks aces.

Halle and Chloe Bailey

These two leapt RIGHT into the spirit of Coachella garb. I imagine they had these outfits kicking around lo these many years and finally brought them out of their bags as the Hallelujah Chorus sounded. I am with Intern C, and she thinks Chloe looks like a highlighter that is running out of ink.

Peyton List

I think her bra is made of trivets.

Doja Cat

Her top looks like someone drizzled her in tar. And I guess we're cutting the waistbands off our pants again? The general "we," I mean. The societal we. Jessica and I are absolutely not doing it. (I think I can speak for her on this one.) Guys, buttons are USEFUL. They keep your pants up. Don't reject them.

Nicole Scherzinger

Some people are hacking off the waistband of their pants, and Nicole is wearing JUST the waistband.

Anitta

For when you're not ready to cut off the button but you're thinking hard about it.

Keke Palmer

Rachel Zoe had a whole party that she called "The Zoeasis," so I gather that means she'd like to be happening again. Keke did her best to help by wearing a fairly typical Coachella getup.

Jabari Banks

Psst. Jabari. This is cute and bright and cheerful. Keep it up. Don't let Coachella get in your head.

Ava Philippe

This is Coachellawear for when you don't have tickets to the main grounds. I mean, maybe she did, but that thing would be brown by the end of the day.

Samantha Hanratty

And of COURSE we have an elaborate bra with shirty aspirations. This design looks like she put her arms through the loops that are meant to keep it on the hanger.

Ella Purnell

See-through pants? CHECK.

Anitta and Saweetie

They're on stage here, so this... makes as much sense as anything on stage ever does.

Snoop

I appreciate Snoop's commitment to weed, probably one of the most meaningful relationships of his life. I am VERY confused and intrigued by the dancers in the back wearing shirts that are odes to bad pantyhose.

Carly Rae Jepsen

I did not anticipate Carly Rae in an open-sided jumpsuit that looks like it's also either chafing her badly, or part-codpiece.

Karrueche Tran

... Fur shoes at a desert party? Mmmkay.

Lil Baby

Not to be a buzzkill, but I'm going to be a buzzkill: This looks like a TERRIBLE idea in a dry desert.

Isaiah Joseph and Amber Rose

For a hot second I really did think Amber's chest said "GROUPONS."

Mika

That's probably as cooling as a suit can be in Indio. What WERE the temps this weekend, anyway? The couple times I went, it was MISERABLE during the days, but I am elderly so this was a long time ago. Before it was three days. OLDEN TIMES. The most famous people I saw were Abraham Benrubi from ER and Vincent Gallo serving people curry at the food stalls.

Sabrina Carpenter and Serayah

They're at some party hosted by Nylon. This year, there were a lot of hosted parties -- this one, Rachel Zoe's, one by Revolve that's annual, one from Casamigos, one by Coach... the list is long -- and I wonder if the celebs who ACTUALLY wanted to hear the music disappeared into the crowd as the pap photogs were all assigned to these.

Sofia Boutella

This 100 percent looks like layers she packed in a backpack so that she could stay warm when the sun set. I buy it, Sofia.

Emma Chamberlain

This YouTuber/face of Louis Vuitton actually DOES also own her own coffee company. I guess I have to appreciate the randomness here, but like... at a certain point, unless you are growing and mixing your own blends for real, all the mumbo-jumbo on the marketing site is just that.

Apparently I questioned that romper so much, I downloaded two pictures of it. It has a She Ra quality to it.

Serayah

Again with the furry shoes?

Olivia Culpo

The bra-as-shirt trend is quickly being matched by the shirt-as-bra trend.

Nicole Scherzinger

I appreciate the effort. Do I think she wore this to any shows at all, or kept it on beyond this photo op? No, I do not.

Charles Melton

Obviously those pants are bad, but they're also CLEARLY just hanging-around-in-comfort pants, which are very much in the spirit of surviving a weekend at Coachella. So carry on, Charles. I see you.

Alessandra Ambrosio

She was always a mainstay; she must be relieved.

Taryn Manning

I love that this is an eccentric blazer moment for her.

Billie Eilish

I've heard she gets very intense at her concerts, so she doubtless actually DOES need the matching kneepads.

Behati Prinsloo

Satin nightie, clutching a bottle, in Doc Martens = 90s college party.

Paris Hilton

Paris did a whole-ass photo shoot labeled "at Coachella," and I feel like she was at Coachella the same way I am currently at the kitchen -- which is to say, it's NEAR ME in the same house, but I'm technically in a different room. (Intern C thinks she looks like Tails from Sonic the Hedgehog. The kids have their fingers on the pulse.)

Sure, Parisl

Yes, cock your head, Paris, you might be able to hear the strains of Saweetie's set if you listen hard enough.

Mmm-hmm, better model that in pink, too.

"Anyone call for a Mother of Coachella Dragons?"

Did You Miss Coachella?

The makers of heinous clothing sure did.