in Ralph Rucci
Well! If you've ever longed for a high-fashion tribute to the rib cage -- or the spinal cord, even -- that also highlighted the belly-button, Gwyneth has delivered that to you free of charge. Also, over on the right if you click on the box with the single arrow on it, the photo will load in a new window and you can click to enlarge and you can JUUUUUST see that the dress has a bunch of little holes in the netting near her boobs. Whoops.
Leighton Meester in Marc Jacobs
As is often the case with MJ, there is WAY too much happening here. I would have lined the poppy skirt and turned the gold boob coaster into a full bodice and left the rest behind.
Tim McGraw and Faith Hill
Dad wasn't too stoked about having to chaperon the dance. He was SUCH a pill about it that Mom cheerfully didn't tell him he was mixing taupe and khaki, and in return, he didn't tell her that her entire dress looked like she'd ripped it open to have a tryst in the locker room with the math teacher.
Sara Evans
Let this be the sequined frock it WANTS to be, dammit!
Gwyneth in Versace
This movie was released in select theaters in November 2010, presumably JUST IN CASE it was worthy of awards attention HA HA HA HA, and GOOP promoted it with a performance at the CMAs. This dress is a sexy idea but it carves her up in weird ways.
Gwyneth
I DEFINITELY remember how nervous she seemed on-stage, which is one of the few times she's ever been humanized for me.
Gwyneth in Pucci
"That's boring," you might think. "Just a white dress with one slit?"
BUT WHAT A SLIT.
Leighton Meester in Dior
This is SUCH the opposite vibe. Much like in the film, this is the Good Girl outfit and Gwyneth's is the racy one. The shoes are really trying something, too, though they look like they were meant for another outfit and she just couldn't resist them. They are on the next slide...
And they were captioned "Leighton Meester's shoes," and I feel like I can HEAR the photographers yelling to each other, "LEIGHTON MEESTER'S SHOES," as they went for a close-up. They are INTENSE. Totally the wrong vibe for the dress, but bless the lenspeople for getting them from this angle. They knew.
Tim and Faith
Dad was a bit MORE excited to go to the sports banquet, because he'd been an assistant basketball coach and the team worked very hard.
Poster
Narrator: She didn't come back strong. (The poster sure wants you to think she did, though. That is not REMOTELY indicative of how unkempt she is for most of the movie.)
Tim and Gwyneth
"I can't BELIEVE my Walk of Fame ceremony is forever tied to THIS shitshow."