Christian Dior: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture F/W 2013-2014
... Is this a couture STD?
Christian Dior: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture F/W 2013-2014
I totally understand that all this stuff is supposed to be viewed through a different lens than I use -- namely, I am constantly like, "WHAT THE CRACK?!?" when really it's all about art and emotion and yada yada yada (I am not and don't pretend to be a fashion analyst). But I see something like this and keep wondering how and why it started out at point A and then ended up at Point Break.
Christian Dior: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture F/W 2013-2014
What exactly is hatching from her thighs?
Christian Dior: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture F/W 2013-2014
There are nuns who like it sassier than this.
Christian Dior: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture F/W 2013-2014
Is that a pocket ponytail, or a wrap slung over her wrist? If the former, I am afraid. If the latter, I am going to calm down and resume being fascinated by that necklace.
Christian Dior: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture F/W 2013-2014
It's a toga! It's a sarong! It's one nylon! It's an anklet! It's a sundial on her wrist! It's a garter belt that rode up too high! It's a TOTAL NIGHTMARE to put on without a team of three! So I'm sure it's perfect.
Christian Dior: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture F/W 2013-2014
Okay, that is some foxy drama, though. Put a hat on it and send it to Royal Ascot.
Christian Dior: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture F/W 2013-2014
Oh God, somebody sniffed glue at the button factory again.
Christian Dior: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture F/W 2013-2014
Botanists, can you confirm that this is a rare desert plant?
Christian Dior: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture F/W 2013-2014
I think there's a vaccine for that.
Christian Dior: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture F/W 2013-2014
This is pleasantly weird -- like if Cousin Itt went to a fancy salon.
Christian Dior: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture F/W 2013-2014
In the '80s, this is what we all thought we'd be wearing by 2013. Congratulations to us!
Christian Dior: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture F/W 2013-2014
Oh, sure, just stick a menstrual belt around it and call it done.
Christian Dior: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture F/W 2013-2014
I'd have been curious to see this dress if the rest of it looked like the bottom third. Sadly, instead, she's wearing the seat of a deckchair.
Christian Dior: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture F/W 2013-2014
This could adapt into something effective. Or am I reaching? I'm feeling Cotillard, though -- she loves a play on length, for one.
Christian Dior: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture F/W 2013-2014
Lord, they'll probably stick this on J.Lawr in baby pink. It's not terrible but what is that mucus globule on the skirt?
Christian Dior: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture F/W 2013-2014
Someone will wear this in cocktail length. I hope. As-is, she looks like a car wash.
Christian Dior: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture F/W 2013-2014
Well, if this makes HER look wide, I can't imagine what it will do on non-model people. But at least it's interesting.
Christian Dior: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture F/W 2013-2014
It's the demi-wimple that really completes the outfit.
Christian Dior: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture F/W 2013-2014
Word vomit: Nautical bumblebee sack.
Christian Dior: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture F/W 2013-2014
Perfect for a day at the Kabbalah Center, right, Madonna?
Christian Dior: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture F/W 2013-2014
I guess her pilot never turned off the Fasten Seatbelt sign.
Christian Dior: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture F/W 2013-2014
It's grim when this is not the worst thing on the runway.
Christian Dior: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture F/W 2013-2014
I MEAN. And are those oven mitts?
Christian Dior: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture F/W 2013-2014
WORDS.
Christian Dior: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture F/W 2013-2014
I can't even parse what this IS.
Christian Dior: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture F/W 2013-2014
Well, she didn't win the quilting bee, but at least she found a way to wear it again.
Christian Dior: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture F/W 2013-2014
J.Lawr all the way. Right? I mean, it's even red. If she's still a Dior girl when "Catching Fire" comes out, it's so thematic.
Christian Dior: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture F/W 2013-2014
This is SO wholly dependent on context.
Christian Dior: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture F/W 2013-2014
Ditto -- like, it could be an underboob nightmare, or it could be flowy and nice.
Christian Dior: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture F/W 2013-2014
Look at her working this mess of patterns and that plastic see-through skirt. She is the only even remotely convincing argument that will ever be made for this outfit. Whatever it is. (What IS it?)
Christian Dior: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture F/W 2013-2014
Well, I always LOVE it when my sleeves look like I'm wearing scrunches as bracelets.
Christian Dior: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture F/W 2013-2014
Let's close on this: simple but achingly effective, and a dress -- you will see this coming a mile away -- that I would love them to put on Jessica Chastain.