Hudson Williams in Balenciaga

The good news is, the head is WORKING and I suspect Shane Hollander might get hotter hair this season.

Shailene Woodley in Balenciaga

"Shailene is coming??? Um, I mean, of course Shailene is coming! She's going to love the, um, dress we've really... carefully made for her. *hisses to assistant* Get me two black shoelaces and a dropcloth."

Teyana Taylor in Balenciaga

Well, YEAH, I'd try and hide my face, too. What the hell is this catastrophic bag? And why are her legs bound? Did they make EVERYTHING ten minutes beforehand?

Jodie Turner-Smith in Balenciaga

Like, COME ON, this doesn't even come CLOSE to fitting. And the jeans! Why? Has someone checked for traces of lead in the paint on the atelier walls?

Rachel Sennott in Balenciaga

SOMEONE GOT PAID FOR THIS.

Naomi Watts

I mean, it's better than the first five. Also, I've edited this caption four times, because Naomi was originally the second slide and then every time I found a worse outfit, I'd bump it ahead. "It's better than the first one." "It's better than the first TWO." "It's better than the first THREE." "It's better than the first FOUR." Et cetera.

Cynthia Erivo in Balenciaga

I'm feeling one or the other: tan jacket OR brown puffball. I sort of prefer dressing down the sparkly dress with the coat, and chopping off the tuffet.

Maika Monroe in Balenciaga

It would be churlish to complain after the others. I WELCOME this boredom.

Lily Collins in Balenciaga

I don't think "rich and mysterious" is her natural vibe, but whatever. Again, at least my eyes are not bleeding.

Danielle Deadwyler

Is it still sweltering in Paris?

Isabelle Huppert in Balenciaga

It is not sweltering wherever Isabelle is. You know how Pigpen in the Peanuts cartoon had a cloud around him? In my mind, Isabelle is like that, but with chilly air.

Cate Blanchett in Armani

Now THAT is how you dress a front row celeb.

Rosamund Pike in Armani

TIMES TWO. I know the aesthetics are not the same, but the slop at Balenciaga was UNREAL.

Laura Harrier in Armani

Her omnipresence makes SO MUCH more sense to me now that I know she has an old billionaire boyfriend. Because I can only name two things she was in: Doctor Odyssey, and a Tom Holland Spiderman movie.

Li Bingbing in Armani

This is sort of a womp-womp. but there's always ONE. The top seems to be... fans? Something in that whole portion, fit-wise, isn't clicking.

Cardi B

Never one to enter the scene quietly, is Cardi.

Cardi B

Nor exit the scene. I would have gotten a photo from the front, but I didn't really have one. She was WAY more excited about this angle.

Cardi B in Robert Wun

But THIS is fun.

Maura Higgins in Robert Wun

This reminds me of the season of The Traitors where they had to walk in their own funeral procession and then three of them had to climb into coffins. Maura would have SLAYED there in this outfit.

Maura Higgins in Viktor & Rolf

I mean, it's Viktor & Rolf, so of course it's lightly ridiculous. However, with that wig, doesn't she look strangely like Halsey?

Mischa Barton in Viktor & Rolf

I wish this were more flattering? It's just sort of shapeless. Also, something about the way she's glaring at the camera feels like she's a long-lost GOOP cousin or something.

Teyana Taylor in Ashi

This is very Queen of the Thunderdome.

Sheryl Lee Ralph in Stephane Rolland

I am thrilled to see her hitting the shows.

J.Lo in Zuhair Murad

And then here's Jennifer Lopez, showing us all that paper shredders aren't JUST for sensitive office documents. However, I had to get a photo of her from outside...

... because wherever THESE arrivals are had UNFORGIVABLE lighting. What an own goal.

Hudson Williams Did His Balenciaga Duty

And so did several other people. They all maybe should've stayed home.