Jean Paul Gaultier: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture Spring/Summer 2013
I KNEW babies would be so hot for fall. Please nobody give Paris Hilton that memo.
Jean Paul Gaultier: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture Spring/Summer 2013
I believe this is the dress onto which said baby was strapped. I desperately want Kim Kardashian to wear this to marry Kanye West, either with her REAL baby in about a year, or the symbolic doll. Come on, guys. Don't be milquetoast NOW.
Jean Paul Gaultier: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture Spring/Summer 2013
I ESPECIALLY want her to lift up her skirts and let Kourtney's children scamper up the aisle from under her nethertent.
Jean Paul Gaultier: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture Spring/Summer 2013
However: MUFFINS. LOOK HOW CUTE. And I love those colors.
Jean Paul Gaultier: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture Spring/Summer 2013
Kim will wear this to deliver the babye, obviously.
Jean Paul Gaultier: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture Spring/Summer 2013
This is SO Madonna's Blonde Ambition Tour by way of Marchesa. Anyone who wears this will be at the nipple end of some serious cone-bra jokes.
Jean Paul Gaultier: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture Spring/Summer 2013
Leggings are not a substitute for actual finished skirts. WITH an actual finished bottom, this is very Heroine In An '80s Corporate Rom-Com to me. Like if The Secret of My Success had ended with Helen Slater and Michael J. Fox aboard a yacht.
Jean Paul Gaultier: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture Spring/Summer 2013
There is some very intricate and lovely details on the skirt and bodice of this dress, but I only conditionally accept the color and REALLY would like to see those details... on a different outfit.
Jean Paul Gaultier: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture Spring/Summer 2013
And now we're down to business. Kristen Wiig's Globes dress was a version of this, kind of, but without the scarf. Which was obviously her big mistake. But seriously, I feel like Sofia Vergara would wear this for a paparazzi shot on the beach.
Jean Paul Gaultier: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture Spring/Summer 2013
Come on, Meryl. You know you want it.
Jean Paul Gaultier: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture Spring/Summer 2013
Come on, Mirren. You know you want it.
Jean Paul Gaultier: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture Spring/Summer 2013
Come on, Daniel Day Lewis. You know you want it.
Jean Paul Gaultier: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture Spring/Summer 2013
This is very dark and brothel-y. Weirdly, I could see Nicole Kidman in an adaptation of it.
Jean Paul Gaultier: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture Spring/Summer 2013
Sharon Stone, baby.
Jean Paul Gaultier: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture Spring/Summer 2013
Rihanna sometimes wears Gaulthier, and I'd like to see her take a stab at something like this.
Jean Paul Gaultier: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture Spring/Summer 2013
But with our luck, she'd wear this. Our girl does like t be naked. But first she'd have to wrest it from Fergie's talons.
Jean Paul Gaultier: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture Spring/Summer 2013
Or this -- I mean, don't you feel like SOMEONE will wear this with the underskirt removed? Lady Gaga would probably love the illusion of having a giant crotch spike.
Jean Paul Gaultier: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture Spring/Summer 2013
This mosaic-style top is Elizabeth Banks adjacent, to me.
Jean Paul Gaultier: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture Spring/Summer 2013
There is something beautiful about this loudness. Imagine it simpler -- maybe as a short, floaty, incredibly expensive summer sundress.
Jean Paul Gaultier: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture Spring/Summer 2013
That fabric is enticing to me, at least. I'd love a regular-person skirt in it. Or, again, a casual (well, "casual") knee-length dress with gold flats.
Jean Paul Gaultier: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture Spring/Summer 2013
That neckline is really trying to come back -- Chanel showed it, but with tees and halters layered underneath, and now here it is with bare shoulders. It's better this way, but seriously, it's not very boob-friendly. Mama needs a bra, and I don't care what you say, clear straps are not invisible and do not make it okay. Having said that: Kristen Stewart or Gwen Stefani for the pants.
Jean Paul Gaultier: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture Spring/Summer 2013
I am so distracted by how unflattering this would be on anyone, ever, that I can't even unfug it.
Jean Paul Gaultier: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture Spring/Summer 2013
Come on, Kidman. I called your name once but I actually think you would look amazing in this color. You could cut off the waist ruff. OR MOVE IT UP TO YOUR NECK. But, cut it.
Jean Paul Gaultier: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture Spring/Summer 2013
I'm feeling... Katy Perry, or Solange. Or Padma Lakshmi. But maybe I'm only saying Padma so that we can discuss Top Dog Chef from SNL, which was... so terrible. Lately it feels like half that show's sketches come from inside jokes they made at 3 a.m., possibly while intoxicated, and so they're never funny to anyone else. I mean, Padma Leash-me and Tom Collie-chio are SO things that you only laugh at if you were in the room at the time.
Jean Paul Gaultier: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture Spring/Summer 2013
Peekaboo cone bra! I'm putting this on Andrea Riseborough, who was Madge's star in W.E., and thus might have been instilled with a passion for geometric intimates.
Jean Paul Gaultier: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture Spring/Summer 2013
This is so summery. Kate Winslet?
Jean Paul Gaultier: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture Spring/Summer 2013
Blanchett?
Jean Paul Gaultier: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture Spring/Summer 2013
Hmm. I'm going to say Mia Wasikowska, only because the pants and that shirt are unusual and not for the faint of heart, and therefore they will end up on someone who probably shouldn't have made the attempt.
Jean Paul Gaultier: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture Spring/Summer 2013
This is a tad dreary, no?
Jean Paul Gaultier: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture Spring/Summer 2013
But slap a rich red lipstick on Mia and I'd be THRILLED if she took a stab at this. Or Michelle Williams, ooh, or Kirsten Dunst. Or, Jennifer Lawrence at the Oscars, even though I'm guessing she'll go Dior or Calvin. But I really love this. Like, a lot. Beyonce would kill it. Or, let's get TOTALLY against type: Kristen Wiig, with correctly done hair. I am dying for SOMEONE to do this, and soon, before my mind-sieve lets it go.
Jean Paul Gaultier: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture Spring/Summer 2013
Also, you need to know that this happened.
Jean Paul Gaultier: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Haute-Couture Spring/Summer 2013
Gaultier is like, "ACTUAL socks are for SUCKERS."