2003: Kieran Culkin

He won for Younger Performer for Igby Goes Down. The more things change, the more they stay the same: I'm convinced he makes this expression regularly now on the red carpet, and that half the reason his hair looks wacky is because he runs his hand over it exactly thus.

2003: Scott Speedman

Why does this look like the hair is attached to the cap?

2003: Nicholas Hoult

NICHOLAS HOULT! This was the year of About a Boy. He was only 14 here. Time, she flies.

2003: Ashton Kutcher and Brittany Murphy

I forgot that he dated Brittany right before Demi Moore. He looks like a tool, and she looks delightful; what a horrible loss. I like to think she'd be enjoying a TV resurgence and have been nominated for at least one Emmy.

Sandra Oh

She had just done Under the Tuscan Sun; Sideways didn't come out until 2004, and Cristina Yang might still have been a figment of Shonda Rhimes's imaginationl. This dress reminds me of many that I tried on at, like, Shelli Segal in the Beverly Center around this time.

2003: Salma Hayek

Sure, okay!

2003: Maggie Gyllenhaal

Her little bolero looks wacky with this.

Sean Young

Sean looks like she's headed to a very nice lunch with her grandmother.

Renee Zellweger

And Renee is meeting them there to discuss doing Granny Young's taxes.

Denzel and Pauletta

YOUNG DENZEL! Or, you know, younger. What would he say if we traveled back in time and told this man he'd be producing an August Wilson film but starring in a campy Gladiator sequel.

Nicole Kidman

The way this is designed, it almost looks like the black parts are pasted onto her.

2003: Daniel Day Lewis

I feel old.

2003: Jeff Goldblum

I AM OLD.

2003: Kate Bosworth

Blue Crush came out in 2002, so this was all relatively new for her. I wish she'd had a Peak TV resurgence.

2004: Lauren Graham

While we're on the subject of people I wish were on my TV regularly again: Exhibit A.

2004: Marcia Gay Harden

Maybe Marcia and LG can play sisters in something.

2004: Naomi Watts and Heath Ledger

I also keep forgetting and then re-learning that these two dated.

Naomi Watts

Her head-styling game has vastly improved.

2004: Patricia Clarkson

Her makeup game has ALSO gotten better.

2004: Jennifer Connelly

If you zoom in, the cut of that jacket and her suit overall is very cool. I think a simpler blouse would have showed it off much better.

2004: Alicia Silverstone

I appreciate her for playing the shoe game.

2004: Evan Rachel Wood

I am not sure what she was there for -- Once and Again had ended, and she didn't have another project until 2005 -- but I am not mad about it, obviously. She's always had the best face, if not the best dresses. (This is fine but it screams MALL, which is typical of 2004 red carpets.)

2004: Amanda Peet

This... could be worse.

2004: Scarlett Johansson

She was on her way to an Ancient Greece themed school dance.

2004: Charlize

Charlize Theron and the Curse of the Aughts Eyebrows.

2004: Ione Skye

Hmm. I don't RECALL there being a tornado in Greater Los Angeles this year, but apparently my memory is faulty.

2005: Tara Reid

This is like a precursor to some of the nightie-style frocks Rodarte has been pushing.

2005: Kate Winslet

What a face. She looks great.

2005: Lauren Graham

"... Yep, I'm still great."

2005: Maggie Gyllenhaal

Those fuchsia ribbons are a little deranged with this.

2005: Regina King

Regina! I hope she kept that shirt.

2005: Dakota Fanning

SWIFTLY FLY THE YEARS.

2005: Sandra Oh

I like her coat. I MIGHT be fine with her dress? Together they look so blah.

2005: Evan Rachel Wood

Lovely. This feels very Nicole Kidman to me, actually.

2005: Helen Mirren

She DEFINITELY threw this together herself, right?

2005: Sophia Bush and Chad Michael Murray

Talk about two people who might be surprised at their own futures.

Hop Into the Critics Choice Time Machine

It's like a hot tub time machine, but less sexy, and bubbly, and you don't need a towel.