Kelly Monaco
I've seen what's on the inside of that slit before, and it was pouring out of a tauntaun on Hoth. (Remember how she was the first ever winner of Dancing With The Stars? I can't tell if I think she hopes you do or hopes you DON'T.)
Melody Thomas Scott
I have never seen her NOT look wryly skeptical, and it cracks me up. However, I have also never seen her wear a dress that looks like it used to be a zippered tote bag.
Lindsay Hartley
She looks like a hostess at a saucy belly-dancing restaurant off the Vegas strip. She is also REAL into Peek-A-Boob right now.
Chrishell Stause
Chrishell here is dating Lindsay's ex, GFY's beloved Justin Hartley, and to that I say: APPLAUSE, GIRL. APPLAUSE. I just wish her outfit looks less like she won a 2004 Betsey Johnson Costume Contest.
Kristen Alderson
This is a cuter version of black-on-pink. Needs a good hoiking, but what can you do. It's barely even a misdemeanor compared to some of what's happening in this slideshow.
Chrissy Teigen
Chrissy is on a new daytime talk show type thing with Joe Zee and Tyra and some other people. So if you think she's everywhere now, JUST WAIT. This is not my favorite iteration of Check This Cleavage,but she's Chrissy Teigen, so she can make something like that look like it's not a terrible idea.
Donna Mills
That netting is just. The worst. It's like the Hanes color modeled after a dead person.
Keltie Knight
Madam, did you not learn? Did Christina Hendricks endure the Calamitous Chest Bow for NOTHING?
Cady McClain
Bordello-chic.
Kim Matula
And, bordello-chic plus scissors.
Karla Mosley
Karla here plays a transgender character, and although it would've been cool to hire a trangender person to play that role, a) I think it's possible they only thought of it after they hired her, and b) daytime TV was a pioneer for such a long time when it came to social issues that I'm just glad they're doing this story at all.
But her dress appears to be REAL SHEER in the skirt, so BORING (although, some points for it being a very pretty color).
Leeza Gibbons
However, I would take Karla's dress over Leeza's. Aside from the absurd knee windows, this thing looks like she picked the style in the hope that an errant photograph would make this What Color is The Dress 2.0.
Eileen Davidson
She looks very classy.
Kassie de Paiva
Something is supposed to go over this. I'm just sure of it.
Laura Wright
GAH. Zzz.
Amelia Heinle
This is just a full-on vintage nightie. Someone tell Jennifer Love Hewitt that Amelia stole from her Ghost Whisperer season one wardrobe.
Melissa Claire Egan
This... hmm. I am torn. Part of me thinks it's unusual and kind of pretty, and part of me is like, "What? You are not Betty White."
Miss J Alexander
DAMN, though. He looks fab.
Christel Khalil
There appears to be a kink in her netting somewhere near her elbow joint.
Matt Ashford
Jack Devereaux! As I live and breathe. You look well, sir. Go forth and make merry.
Gina Tognoni
One of my favorites, especially given the competition.
Lauren Koslow
Does this dress have... some kind of built-in cummerbund panel?
Jacqueline MacInnes Wood, Ashleigh Brewer, and Jennifer Gareis
The woman in the middle wins.
Jacqueline MacInnes Wood
But seriously, her lips should not be the same color as her chin. MOUTHS ARE A THING. LET THERE BE LIPS.
Mary Beth Evans
You know, I'm just so happy that Kayla is still working and kicking it in Salem that I can't even get too mad at this chirpy thing. Even if it looks like she had it made to match an American Girl Wedding Reception doll. (Her name would be Peony and she would accidentally lose the ring in a pond, and then make up for it by valet parking a shitload of cars. It's an unusual story.)
Heather Tom, Katherine Kelly Lang
Heather Tom's boob latch is beyond understanding. Also... I don't mean this in a judgmental way, but I can't not comment on it: Katherine Kelly Lang is kind of starting to look like Joan Rivers. Just, like, baby steps.
Melissa Reeves
... Is this an evening of soap awards, or a soap wedding?
Charo
DANCE, SHIMMYING LEGEND OF WORLDWIDE (AND FUG MADNESS BRACKET) FAME! You are just the dessert I needed.