Norman Reedus, Diane Kruger (in Oscar de la Renta)

Well. This is fabulous. What a return. At this point, if I were a celebrity who'd been MIA for a while, I'd hold out as long as possible until I could storm back onto the scene in something like this.

Coco Rocha

This is helped immensely being on Coco, who will always do the absolute most.

Letitia Wright in Fendi

I haven't seen her in anything so leggy, I don't think? The jacket/top portion is more interesting to me than the skirt.

Jake Gyllenhaal and Jeanne Cadieu in Loewe

Well, I LAUGHED, is that a positive outcome? It's mostly the shoes, which look like a beautiful way to wrap up your steakhouse leftovers, although the bodice is also creepily amusing. Those lip contours look WEIRDLY realistic.

Lea Seydoux in Louis Vuitton

The slit is intense.

Sophie Marceau

I can't tell if the cape is meant to be lopsided or if that's just what it decided to do, but it was like that in all the photos and frankly looks like it would start to chafe her neck after a while.

Bella Hadid in vintage Versace

This is from 1987, per Law Roach, who styled her in it (so it could be from HIS archive, rather than Donatella's). Did I miss Law starting to style Bella? Anyhoo: The design of this dress is made to look like it's swirling, to the point where it took me a while to figure out that it was built-in and not necessarily that Bella was working it.

Here's a better look, actually. See, I had thought she was spinning it here and she isn't. TRICKS.

Edgar Ramirez

Speaking of vintage Versace, here's a man who played him a few years ago, looking dapper as heck in his white tux coat. That's Valeria Golino getting taken by the wind behind him...

Valeria Golino

... and she seemed VERY CONCERNED that the wind was going to blow back the front of her dress and reveal her mysteries, so she ended up with her hands clamped on her chest in a lot of photos, which had the effect of looking like she was checking to make sure her boobs were still there.

Isabelle Huppert

... Friends, after this, I miss Sexy Gumby.

Cara Delevingne in Balmain

This is not one of the reveals I was talking about, although it is revealing SOME things. Mostly it looks very uncomfortable.

Adele Exarchopoulos

Gloves, gloves, everywhere a mesh glove. I know this is an absurd thing to say, but all the pastel jewels look so fake to me. I know they are NOT, but when you put all the colors together like that, it just feels like gigantic sugar candies in limited edition tropical flavors with names like Ocean Ice, Watermelon Krayze, and Apple Martini.

Maggie Gyllenhaal

SPEAKING OF REVEALS. Maggie, this is hideous, what is happening.

Mads Mikkelsen

I believe this is Mads's wife Hanne Jacobson, and here we are revealing that she has great taste in suits and that we want to be seated at their table at dinner.

Noemie Merlant in LV

That's very fun and has a lot of texture, to the point where I am concerned people ran their hands up and down it all night -- hopefully only on the bottom part.

But, it also is basically just a scarf belted to her chest.

Izabel Goulart

Gorgeous and perfect for Cannes...

... and also, Secret Pants. (Well, obviously not a secret to anyone who has seen more than just the previous photo, but I'm being dramatic today.)

Jourdan Dunn in Ashi

Truly, these outfits gave us great staircase moments with their floaty ballgown skirts...

... and SECRET SHORTS.

Berenice Bejo in Alexis Mabille

And here is a real spangly tulle cocktail...

... with SECRET CATSUIT.

Natasha Poly

She truly did a magnificent job twirling this pretty cape...

... and making sure it gave us a majestic staircase shot...

... WITH SECRET THIGHS.

2022 The Innocent Red Carpet, Cannes, France - 24 May 2022

It is SO GOOD until that part. And not even because I don't like thighs, although the cutouts are goofy. It's because the material they're using there looks terrible and cheap and completely undercuts the glamour of the rest of it. If you're hell-bent on sheer, at least don't make it look INEXPENSIVE.

Diane Kruger is Back at Cannes

And other surprises.