Downton What's Everyone Going To Do This Week?!
In the weekly Hey What's Going To Be Happening At Downton This Week??! Crawley Family Roundtable we learn the folowing: a telegram has come for Edith, telling her that someone is going to show up later to tell her what's happened to Gregson, which we'll later be told, after being told multiple times that someone is about to tell us what there is to tell. SPOILER: HE'S WAY DEAD. Poor Edith. And poor us: the way this storyline has unfolded has been emotionally unsatisfying, a rant I shall unleash upon us all in a few short moments.
Also, everyone is off to a horse race at Atticus Aldridge's GLORIOUS GLORIOUS family seat, and by "everyone," I do basically mean EVERYONE: the Downtonites, Gillingham AND Blake, obviously Atticus and Parents, and a variety of players to be named later. Additionally, Rose's day dress is divine.
Downton Breakfast Tray
In which I admire Cora's china and we learn that Robert and Cora STILL aren't sleeping in the same bed after last week's incident with the Overly Forward Mr Bricker (Who Merely Sees That To Which Robert Has Become Blind). Robert is being all uptight and formal, and Cora is exasperated as usual. The running theme of No One Ever Tells Anyone Anything About Anything Nor Talks About Anything isn't just running this week, it's racing.
Downton Discussions
Additionally, you should know that although there are like six scenes of people talking about how Edith is about to get bad news, including this one, WE NEVER SEE IT DELIVERED. In a scene I somehow forgot to screengrab, Robert comes in and tells Cora the scoop. I really don't get this decision. We didn't get to see Edith finding out that Gregson was missing and we didn't get to see her find out that he's dead, both of which seem like really important emotional story beats that the audience should be SHOWN, not told. Laura Carmichael seems like she could handle those scenes, but given that we've been denied both of them, maybe she can't? It's a strange story-telling choice.
"Was it this 'Herr Hitler'?" Cora asks when Robert comes in and tells her the news. She pronounces it like "haaaair," and you can totally hear the air quotes. The entire scene was incredibly awkward. I love this show to the extent that even when I think it's getting repetitive, or squandering good ideas, I always enjoy WATCHING it, but throughout that entire exchange, I was just wondering why on earth they decided to go for Exposition instead of Emotion.
Anyway, speaking of Hitler (a segue I try to use in all my business meetings), it was. Well, not LITERALLY Hitler. Julian Fellowes did not have Adolph Hitler LITERALLY kill Gregson with his own two hands. But it was his "gang of thugs" in Munich, where everything is a total shitshow. "At least they've locked Hitler up for five long years," Cora exposits, and Robert all but turns to the camera to give us all a lecture on European history leading up to the second World War by noting that Hitler won't serve the time and then he mentions that Edith inherited ALL OF GREGSON'S PUBLISHING COMPANY. "I suppose they loved each other," he says.
A) WHO has been running said company for the last however many years? Can I hope that he's dashing and handsome and that when Edith shuffles in to try to bury her grief in work, instead she decides to bury it in his bed?
B) WHAT ABOUT CRAZY WIFE IN THE ATTIC? The whole reason Gregson went to Germany was so he could divorce Mrs Rochester behind the tapestry or whatever he'd stuck her, and he got beaten up by Nazis right off the bat! I don't know why this dangling participle of a plot point bothers me so much, but Fellowes has a habit of setting interesting things in motion and then forgetting all about them, OR dragging them out until no one cares anymore. I seriously think he's forgotten that Gregson has a wife somewhere.
Downton Letters
"Of course it's terrible. But what did she THINK he was doing? LIVING IN A TREE?" Mary asks, of Poor Edith and Poor Dead Michael Gregson. Listen, I love Mary, but she's a bit unsympathetic considering that she's a person who spent six months lying like a corpse on her marital bed next to a photo of Poor Dead Matthew. Anna is basically like, "don't be a jerk," and Mary swears she's only a jerk in front of Anna (who is essentially her best friend, after all), and then she retracts to say that she IS sorry and that Gregson was a nice man. "Though what he saw in Edith...." Anna's face is like, "aw, man. You were so close to not being a total bitch there, m'lady."
So, while I was at Target today I was thinking about this (don't you think about Downton in Target?) and I actually like that Fellowes has resisted the urge to soften Mary up. She's still prickly and difficult and a little bit mean, and I think that is a brave and interesting place to take your heroine, and especially to keep her there. I actually like Mary a lot, as you know. I sympathize with her, and I feel like I understand her (a lot of that is down to Dockery being very, very good in this part). I think Mary is a person who has no patience for other people not getting their shit together and Edith's shit is basically NEVER together. I think Mary loves her, but I don't think she likes her and I definitely don't think she respects her, and I think it's interesting to see a story of two sisters who basically would never speak if they weren't obligated by birth to do so.
Also: this scene has a wonderful moment, when Anna and Mary are talking about the Point to Point Race at the Aldridges' (if you're curious, a Point to Point is what we here in America [and elsewhere?] would call a steeplechase) where Mary used the word "wangled" where I would use "wrangled," and that's how I learned that I've been using the wrong word for a really, really long time. Thanks, Julian Fellowes! Anna wonders why Gillingham is coming to Downton if Mary's broken it off and Mary says, "because he won't accept that I know my own mind," and then she wonders if she needs a haircut, just to show Blake and Gillingham "what they're missing." Anna says she doesn't think Mary would ever be "that heartless" and Mary makes this very amusing and elegant little "I'm pretty sure I would be" shrug. Oh Mary. You totally would be.
Downton Games of The Old Ladies of Downton
I love that last week these two were doing a jigsaw and now they're playing...maybe gin? Next thing you know, we'll find out that Violet runs an illegal poker game out of her drawing room on the third Monday of every month. Anyway, herein we discovered that Princess Kuragin is for sure discovered, and that Violet has a new ladies' maid -- a well-bobbed woman named Denker -- and that the aforementioned new maid and Spratt are of course in an intense battle for control (Spratt is driven nearly to apoplexy by the fact that Denker refuses to handwash Violet's smalls) that I assume will prove to be deliciously psychosexual in nature?
Downton WOW, Invest In Some Eye Cream, Dude!
In which Anna is like, "DUDE. THOMAS. YOU LOOK LIKE SHIT," and the wheels are finally set into motion for Bates to AS PREDICTED find Mary's Cervical Cap and get all butthurt about the concept of Anna barring entry to his many manly sperm.
Downton Blarg
I guess we are now at lunch, as Cora and Mary are at the table, but given that Edith and Rose are in the exact same outfits and the exact same seats as they were in the episode opener, this scene sort of gives the immediate impression that everyone else in the house has just been sitting in the dining room for HOURS. Edith still looks like she wants to barf. Surely because she knows she's about to get very bad news, but perhaps also because this shirt of Cora's is HIIIIIIIIDEOUS.*
*Additionally, there is a scene later in this episode, of which I didn't get a screengrab, because it wasn't IN the version that iTunes gave me (which was the UK version), and I am just adding this in here so that you are fully informed: Cora DOES, post bad-news, go talk to Edith and basically tell her (nicely) that it's Time to Move On and Edith is like, "I AM GOING TO BE LONELY NO MATTER WHAT FOREVER. THE SUN SHALL NOT ARISE FOR LADY EDITH." So....that's going well for her.
Downton Snooping
In which Bates finds THE CERVICAL CAP and a book about CONTROLLING ONE'S BIRTH. You can imagine the tightening of knuckles and sharp intake of breath we get from one Mr Bates as this comes to pass.
Downton LOVERS
While Bates is angrily muttering over Anna's alleged need to keep his swimmers out of her pool, Violet pops over to Prince Kuragin's Dickensian Garret -- not to be confused with his Dickensian Workhouse -- to tell him that Princess Kuragin is most lively alive in Hong Kong and Kuragin is all, "Whatever with her. THIS IS NOT OUR FIRST SECRET ASSIGNATION" and also announces that he "wanted [Violet] from the moment [he] first saw [her], more than mortal man ever wanted woman," and I just want to reiterate that there is something beautiful and magical about the fact that Maggie Smith is getting to be the heroine of an angsty love story at 80 years old. Don't we all want people to be dramatically declaring their love for us until literally the day we drop dead? I do.
Violet sniffs that "that is an historical detail," but Kuragin proclaims, "If Irina were dead, I would ask you to run away with me now...I love you more than I love her. Even today. Even this afternoon." IT'S VERY ROMANTIC, and highly, highly dramatic on his part, but Violet points out that there's no one left to run away from, and it's not like they were both brutally unhappy with their respective spouses. But she admits, finally, that he does really understand her. Of course he does. JUST MAKE OUT ALREADY.
Downton Thelma and Louise
In which Isobel tells Violet that she's made her decision re: the Proposal of Lord Merton, but this conversation keeps getting interrupted by The Dueling Duo of Sprout and Denker, which Isobel clearly finds hilarious. It IS funny -- this is an instance where HEARING about the conflict is funnier than SEEING the conflict -- but this entire episode feels like it has a lot of people talking about really important emotional moments that have happened when we really should get to SEE THEM HAPPEN. Is advancing The Household Quarrels of The Dowager Countess a more important plot point that witnessing Isobel accepting a marriage proposal?
Downton Boot Room of Doom
NOTHING GOOD EVER HAPPENS IN THE BOOT ROOM. Here, Bates is all gruff and cranky because he thinks Anna is accepting of his body but not of his fluids, and when he tells her that he found her "cunning piece of equipment to make sure there would be no Baby Bates," Anna doesn't grab him by the elbow and hiss, "that's NOT mine and I'll tell you all about it LATER." I sometimes want to push the both of them into the Downton well for a couple of hours, to think about what they've done. When Mary made Anna hide her birth control, Anna should have seen this coming a mile away and gotten home that night, shown it to Bates, and said, "I need to hide these for You Know Who, and you didn't hear it from me." I do NOT generally endorse breaking a confidence, but Anna and Bates are on the same team twice over, both as spouses and as servants. She also could have told Mary that she'd be happy to keep the contraception, but she has to tell Bates because if he finds it, there will be trouble afoot. After all, Mary knows Bates (and thinks he's a MURDERER) and also Mary is REALLY PRACTICAL, so I think she would have seen reason.
The thing is, I think Bates is actually correct, as her husband, to be annoyed if he thought he and Anna were trying for a baby and she's secretly been on birth control the entire time. SO JUST EVERYONE TALK TO EACH OTHER. Anyway, Anna FINALLY tells him that he's got the story wrong, but she can't explain it all because someone else comes into the Boot Room of Doom. Just never go into the Boot Room, you guys. It never ends well.
Downton Dressing Gown
Speaking of ending well, however, Cora gives Lord G a big Come to Jesus in her new bathrobe, basically telling him that if he's never, say, MADE OUT WITH A MAID, then he can be as cranky as he likes about the whole pile of NOTHING that happened with her and Richard E Grant, but OTHERWISE he needs to come back to her bed. Which he does. Thank God.
Downton SUSPECTS
And now Scotland Yard is questioning Baxter. The news about Her Scandalous Past comes out, and Mrs Hughes is very relieved to know that Cora already knows all about how Baxter once stole a bunch of jewels for a hot evil dude. Also: Scotland Yard got "an anonymous tip" from a person whose name surely rhymes with MOMAS FARROW that Baxter knows "something" about Bates and Anna, regarding the murder most foul. Baxter is basically, "Something MIGHT have happened when Mr Green was here and SOMEONE might have gone up to London but I don't know WHO and I can't swear to ANYTHING." Which doesn't seem that helpful. And at this point, I've honestly forgotten if Baxter DOES know anything. I have no idea who knows what about what anymore.
Downton Boring Building Plotline
What a hideous shot, horribly framed, full of ugly people in a grotesque house on a horrific rug. This scene is all blah blah blah real estate, but we also learn that Isis is NOT WELL AND I WILL BE ENRAGED IF THE DOG DIES, EVEN THOUGH SAID DOG IS ACTUALLY LIKE 25 YEARS OLD AND IF SHE DOESN'T KICK IT SOON SHE MIGHT BE A VAMPIRE.
Downton Confessions
In which Thomas cries and moans and shows Baxter his disgusting hip abscess and she, long-suffering martyr, doesn't PUNCH HIM IN IT for meddling with her and the Bateses, but instead tells him she's taking him to the doctor. Baxter really is a kind, saint-like person. I keep thinking of the comment Fug National MaryOMary made the other week: "I’ve decided that all this week I’m going to end every uncomfortable conversation by blinking my eyes closed and looking pained but resolute, a la Baxter." Because that is basically exactly what she does here.
Downton Haircuts
Mary got a haircut. All you need to know about this scene is that she looks grand in it, and that her hairdresser is faking his French accent. "At least she can 'arry it off," he Cockneys when Mary leaves the salon. "Most of them look like bald monkeys." Zing? Aren't all monkeys bald? Don't quit your day job, Fake French Hairdresser.
You should also know that they used the same music cue in this scene as they did at the Fashion Show two weeks ago. It must be the Ladies' Ablutions And Outfits Theme Song.
Downton Doctoring
In which we learn that Thomas WAS trying to De-Gay himself -- he even had electro-therapy! -- but while we were all wondering if perhaps his injections were saltpeter or some such, he was actually just injecting himself with saline. Poor Thomas (Rob James-Collier was very affecting in this scene). Dr Clarkson nicely tells him that he was born this way, and he needs to figure out how to live the best life possible, regardless of whom he'd prefer to bone. "Harsh reality is always better than false hope," he says. "Does that count as the mic drop moment in this episode? No? Seriously? Aw, man."
After the appointment, Thomas tells Baxter that this must all be HILARIOUS FOR HER -- proving he doesn't really read people very well; Baxter finds nothing hilarious -- and she is, as you would imagine, very kind and very nice to him about it indeed.
Downton The Stiff Upper Lip of Romance
Oh, these two! I always like seeing them out of uniform, as it were. Let's deal with their plot here: They go with Mrs Patmore to eyeball the cottage she's buying for her dotage (thus mending fences between Mrs Patmore and Carson once and for all), and at the end of the episode, Carson very gruffly suggests that he and Mrs Hughes buy a cottage of their own for THEIR dotage and she's all atwitter about it. JUST MAKE OUT, YOU TWO OLD ORGANIZED PROFESSIONALS!
Downton Wheeee!
Cue the DO DO DO DO DOOOOOO Music of Lady Outfits and Hairdos as Mary waltzes in to show off her new coif. Now. Look. As mentioned, I love Mary. I relate to her having a prickly bitch exterior but a secretly romantic interior. HOWEVER. It was mad insensitive for her to come prancing in wearing a fabulous dress to show off her new haircut when Edith's lover is FRESHLY CONFIRMED DEAD. WE LIVE IN A SOCIETY.
That said, everyone coos over it -- except Violet, who snarks, "I thought it was a MAN wearing your clothes" -- and Rose gleefully introduces Mary to Atticus (whom I SHAMEFULLY NEGLECTED to screengrab; I am the worst) and everyone is basically acting totally normal while Edith seriously sits in the corner and looks like this the entire time....
Downton Sad Potato
....poor Edith. She lurches out of her chair and is basically like I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU CHOSE THIS DAY TO GET A HAIRCUT!!!! and also I CAN'T BELIEVE EVERYONE IS HAVING A &&%#@$%^ PICNIC ON SATURDAY CAN YOU REALLY EXPECT ME TO GO?!!?!?!!?!? And Mary goes, "I hope not, as you usually ruin everything" (which was WAY HARSH, Mar).
Edith, of course, then runs up to her room to see if she can set the building on fire for real. As this is going down, there is a great little moment where Atticus and Rose exchange this cute, "yikes! Isn't this a palaver?" expression where you can tell that he isn't being judgmental about the drama. Edith turns to him on her way out and goes, "I'm sorry, Mr. Aldridge. BUT YOU MIGHT AS WELL KNOW WHAT WE'RE LIKE." Isn't really what we're all looking for just another person who finds your family drama liveable? After she runs out with her hair ablaze, there's a lot of chatter about POOR EDITH and SHE HAD TO KNOW HE WAS DEAD and LET'S GIVE HER TIME TO THINK, and Violet says, "all this endless thinking. It's very overrated. I blame the war. Before 1914, nobody thought about anything. At all." MIC DROP.
Downton Cottage Love
Finally, these two have a REAL set-to about "Anna's" cervical cap, which Anna SOMEHOW manages to get out of without saying, "oh my god you foolish foolish man, IT'S MARY'S. YOU NEVER THOUGHT THAT SKETCHING TRIP WAS FOR REAL!!"**** And I thought this was all going to turn into a complete disaster, but it actually takes a surprising turn where they actually TALK ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT BATES IS A MURDERER. He is NOT. Although, he says, he totally thought about it and kinda wanted to be and also totally 100% planned the murder but just didn't go through with it.
We also learn that he kept The Train Ticket -- which Mary burned, thinking it proved he was guilty -- because it wasn't ever USED, and ergo it proved that he DIDN'T go to London that day. And now Anna is freaked out that she lost the one piece of exculpatrory evidence that could have saved him, except, hello, the prosecution could easily argue that he bought himself two tickets and threw out the used stub. Also, I find it very hard to believe that neither Anna nor Mrs Hughes nor Mary realized that the ticket was unused in the first place. SOMETHING about this plot twist -- interesting though it is -- doesn't totally pass the sniff test and I think it's that SO MANY PEOPLE saw that ticket without figuring that out.
ANYWAY. Anna's REAL happy that Bates didn't kill Mr Green -- there is this wonderful moment where he says he's not a murderer and she mentions his first wife, and Bates is like, "ugh, not THAT murder that everyone is pretty sure I committed, THE OTHER MURDER that everyone is pretty sure I committed." -- and Bates is so happy she's so happy. But let me tell you: If Bates goes on trial for THIS murder, I will....absolutely not quit this show at all. But I will complain about it!!
****Except ALSO in the US version, there IS this whole scene where Anna apparently DID tell him the truth, and Bates tries to LAWYER out of it, all, "well, Mary had a very hard time having a baby when she was married to Matthew, and when she finally had a baby, UPON THAT VERY VERY DAY HER ONE AND ONLY SEX PARTNER DIED. So when would she have had time to BUY THIS DEVICE? EXACTLY. LAWYERED." And then he storms out. It's really really obnoxious and it makes him look worse than he did without it. (Thank god I watched the US airing on PBS to compare to my iTunes version. It's SO INTERESTING to me that they're different, but YOU'RE JACKING WITH MY RECAP, ITUNES.)
Downton Besties
I actually think these two would make EXCELLENT friends. (That's poor Molesley in the foreground. Molesley can't even turn out all right in a screengrab, poor man.) They are slowly bonding over their shared Love of Learning and also gossiping about Mary's hair. I actually love this. Both of them need a friend and a little Platonic love in their lives. I also like how basically everyone downstairs is banding together to Get Daisy Out of Service. Patmore was paying for her lessons, Hughes is telling her to get as far as she can, Molesley wants to help her with her studies. #SaveDaisy
Downton Gossip
ANNA: Did you find a ticket in the pocket of Bates's coat?
MRS HUGHES: YOU MEAN A TICKET THAT PROVES HE'S A MURDERER? YES YES I DID OH GOD YES I DID.
ANNA: Oh, great! It actually proves he's NOT a murderer. Also, he knows everything now.
MRS HUGHES: Oh. Congratulations?
ANNA: Thanks. Now I plan to beat myself up for giving away something that only tenuously proves anything and also that anyone in her right mind would have thrown out BECAUSE IT'S TRASH and if Bates was so freaking convinced it would EXONERATE HIM ON ANOTHER SET OF MURDER CHARGES maybe he should have put it somewhere SAFER than in the pocket of a COAT!
MRS HUGHES: Super!
Downton Two Lovers
This entire segment at the Point to Point is GLORIOUSLY well shot and I could have included 100 screengrabs of how FABULOUS the countryside looked and how incredibly well done the entire thing was. It was lush and glorious and just a delight to watch. Also, many of the men wore jodhpurs, like Blake here, which is also always a good time. This seven minutes of the episode were breath-takingly beautiful and it must have cost a FORTUNE as a set-piece and it was worth every pound.
Downton MLF
Blake, of course, has gotten Mabel Lane Fox to appear as part of their plan for her to Get Gillingham Back -- a plan that Mabel, by the way, is now TOTALLY totally in on. Also: everyone is staying over at Downton, post race, and I do mean everyone. Blake, Gillingham, AND MLF. So THAT should be fun. If we get to see it next week. It's possible Lord G will just waltz into the library and narrate what happened. NO SPOILERS.
Downton More Hats
Mary is ALSO riding in the race -- as a surprise, which she and Atticus here cooked up the night before. He also is riding because he's charming and delicious. I like that they appear to be wearing matching ties.
Downton Letters of Farewell
While everyone is having fun and looking utterly grand in their riding clothes, Edith is home writing her GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD letter, a pursuit which is interrupted by Branson, who is SO kind to her and tries to get her to tell him where she's going, but she's basically like I CANNOT SPEAK OF MY PAIN IN THIS HOME ANY LONGER GOODBYE FOREVER NO NO DON'T TRY TO STOP ME and sweeps out. I hope she took the Gutenberg Bible with her. She's running off with Marigold, and that's going to cost some money. At least until she starts drawing a salary from Her Surprise Newspaper. As one of you said on Twitter last week (I think?) we can only hope that Edith turns into Katherine Graham.
Downton FAREWELL PIG FARMERS
And FREAKING FINALLY Pig Farmer and Edith tell Mrs Pig Farmer that Marigold is Edith's actual child, and Mrs Pig Farmer flips her lid, going so far as to tear up Marigold's birth certificate. (Edith has others, which is possibly the most forward-thinking Edith has been in her entire life.) I don't know HOW ON EARTH Mrs Pig Farmer didn't suspect this, but here we are.
It's actually REALLY well done -- she is clearly IN AGONY over this, and of course. Mrs Pig Farmer loved Marigold like her own child and now that child is being ripped away. It's TERRIBLE for her and she is rightly ENRAGED at the Pig Farmer and it's totally wrenching as she pulls herself together to say goodbye to poor Marigold and gives her her stuffed animal that she cannot sleep without and I might have teared up a bit myself. I kind of hope Mrs Pig Farmer ends up wacking Pig Farmer over the head with a bed pan in the dead of night. That guy is the WORST. He lied to her for ages and he's totally weak-willed and he never meets ANYONE'S eyes. I kind of hate The Pig Farmer more than anyone.
Downton Riders
While Edith is re-homing her secret love child for the third time, MLF and Mary have a conversation in which Mabel tells Mary she resents the hold Mary has over Gillingham, given that she, Mabel, is a better match for Tony AND she loves him more. "I quite agree with you," Mary says, leading MLF to wonder why Mary, then, had to show up looking like "a cross between a Vogue fashion shoot and a stick of dynamite." Mary retorts, "well, I can't make it TOO easy for him."
Downton Riders 2
And this is the face Mabel Lane Fox makes when Mary says that. She is totally amused and I really just want these two to pair up and be sharp-tongued besties forever. They clearly understand each other and are probably platonic soulmates.
Downton Gorgeousness
I MEAN, HOW GORGEOUS IS THIS. Er, I mean, hideous. So hideous. Just an eyesore.
Downton Eyeballing
"I think she's splendid," Isobel says of Mary as the riders all go racing off. "I think she's CRACKED," Violet retorts. This all leads into a convo where -- after Cora floats off -- Isobel basically tells Violet that she's marrying Lord Merton because it's her chance for one final adventure in her life and to that I say HOORAY. More adventures and more engagements for all!
Downton Aldridges
The good news is that so far everyone likes the Aldridges, even if they ARE -- gasp! -- Jewish.
Downton Side-Eye
Well, except maybe Violet, whose take on this is a resigned, "there's always SOMETHING, isn't there?" I love Isobel's side-eye here.
But Violet can't stick around to worry about religious differences. Once they get back to Downton and find Edith gone, she scampers right off to The Pig Farmer's Abode, where they both promise they have no idea where Edith is, but they're going to keep their mouths shut about it. WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT. If I were Mrs Pig Farmer, I think I'd be so angry that I'd track down Edith and ask, at the very least, to be compensated for the time I spent caring for her child, and also for my pain and suffering. Yes. I would decide to squeeze some cash out of Edith. Sorry, Edith.
Downton Disaster
Speaking of Poor Edith, she's holed up in some hotel in London with Marigold, where she plans to order ice cream and champagne for a celebratory dinner. ICE CREAM AND CHAMPAGNE IS A TERRIBLE MEAL FOR A TODDLER, EDITH. Don't you know ANYTHING about raising a child?