Downton Prison Visits
So, obviously Mary pops over to prison to visit Anna. (Carson is worried this will Bring Shame Upon the Family if the papers get wind of it, but Mrs Hughes wisely points out that visiting one's Falsely Accused Ladies' Maid is very appealing to the masses; Violet just wonders if she "took a cake with a file in it.") Thank God she does it in dramatic lighting and a huge hat. She and Anna have a conversation wherein Anna has basically decided she's going to hang, and Mary is very firmly noting that Scotland Yard has no case, and everyone at Downton will give testimony as a character witness.
Downton Morning Meeting
In this week's Who's Doing What Reset breakfast: We are reminded that everyone is going up to Brancaster Castle "for the grouse," but Thomas is playing valet because Bates needs to stay home to deal with that whole My Wife Is In the Pokey problem, and Anna obviously isn't going DUE TO HER IMPRISONMENT.
Isobel and Violet aren't coming either, because of the Impending Arrival of Princess Kuragin. (It has also just come to my notice that I have been spelling Shrimpie wrong this entire time. I beg your forgiveness.) Everyone wants to know why Violet has gone to so much trouble to rescue someone she hates, and Violet's response is a tart, "you know me. Never complain, never explain." Edith notes, "you don't usually have that much trouble complaining." YOU GUYS! EDITH MADE A JOKE!
Downton JUST DO IT ALREADY
These two, left behind while everyone is away, spent a lot of time talking about houses and looking pained. Well, Carson talks about houses and Mrs Hughes looks pained, until it finally comes out that Mrs Hughes has a SECRET SISTER in who isn't "quite right in the head" who she's had to put into a home and to whom all her money goes, so she is BROKE and cannot pay for her half of this B&B Carson wants to buy and honestly the entire time they were talking about this endeavor, all I wanted to know was: ARE YOU TWO GOING TO BE SHARING A BEDROOM IN THIS B&B OR WHAT.
You should also assume that this entire episode is punctuated with Carson sniffing about The Changing Times, This Modern Era, etc etc etc, as is his deliciously grumbly wont.
Downton Departures
So, everyone is off to Lord and Lady Sinderby's for the shooting party, where -- NEVER FEAR -- yet ANOTHER disastrous dinner awaits! There is a great moment when everyone is saying goodbye to the kids, and Mary tells George to "come to Mummy," and Edith tells Marigold to "come to Mu....ME COME TO ME! ME, EDITH, EDITH YOUR LEGAL GUARDIAN WHO IS NOT YOUR MOTHER."
Additionally, I wish there would be a scene where these two unnamed nannies would turn to each other, as the cars pull off, and one would say to the other, "So, Edith is totally Marigold's Mum, right?" and the other would say, "uh, duh, Francesca," and then they'd go have some tea in the nursery and talk about how crazy it is that people at Downton keep getting arrested for murder, and how they've pretty sure Thomas will be next.
Downton Closing Time
I mostly just included this shot because I love watching them close up the house. The light in this shot is so great. There is continued blah blah blah about Whether Daisy Shall Continue Her Studies, because Julian Fellowes CANNOT FIGURE OUT HOW TO END A STORYLINE EVEN IN A SEASON FINALE BUT INSTEAD HAS PEOPLE HAVE THE SAME CONVERSATIONS OVER AND OVER AGAIN. Here's how you do it: Daisy decides to take an interest in maths so she can help with the farm at the beginning of the season. In the middle of the season, she learns and grows under the tutelage of Sarah Bunting: Nails Across the Slate. When they go up to London, Daisy announces she wants to take her exams, and leave service and get a job in the city and have adventures. Then, in the Christmas Special, she gets news that she's passed her exams, and with a wonderful and emotional send-off, from the Downtonites and Mr. Mason, our bird leaves the nest forever, off to live her own wonderful and exciting life, and also as a example that The Times They Are A-Changing. Personal character growth, and a tribute to a running theme of the season! When she gets on the train, she meets a handsome and helpful young man, hinting that her future will be bright romantically as well. We never see her again. Now, this involves writing Daisy off the show (and it's a little similar to what happened to Alfred but I literally just came up with it in five minutes), but it RESOLVES A STORYLINE. NOT EVERYTHING NEED DANGLE LIKE A PARTICIPLE FOREVER.
Downton Train Cars
I also just used this screengrab because I found the train car set appealing. Herein, we learn Something Is Up With Lord G. He's doing a lot of gasping and grabbing his chest and I don't mind saying that I was like, "if you kill off Robert, Julian Fellowes, I WILL NOT BE BEST PLEASED." Don't worry. It's just an ulcer. But it IS a Brush With Death that gives Lord G some life perspective, which we'll get to eventually. This scene is also setting up that Tom is nervous about going on so posh an outing -- at this, Mary sniffs that Crawleys stick together; Edith notes that "for once" she agrees with Mary -- and everyone basically agrees that Lord Sinderby already thinks Rose's family is less than wholly desirable, so they better behave.
There is also a moment where Edith is nattering nervously about the children and Mary goes, "honestly. I'm the mother around here and I'm not panicking," and LITERALLY EVERYONE IN THE CAR exchanges Meaningful Glances and does everything short of whistling and staring out the window. Mary is very very unobservant sometimes. She is going to feel so dumb when Matthew Goode figures out that Edith is Marigold's mother in about six seconds next season. I assume.
Downton Such Hideous Grossness
HIDEOUS. FYI, this interior and its exterior actually belong to Alnwick Castle -- a tragic pile of rocks belonging to the Duke of Northumberland -- and holy cucumber sandwiches but it is, as Lord G puts it, "EXTREMELY GRAND." It was also Hogwarts in the first two Harry Potter movies, and has been in a ton of other stuff, so you may recognize it. Needless to say, it should be a stop on our Fug Nation Tour of Great Britain's Castles, Country Houses and Many Many Pubs that I just invented. This tour will be hosted by Matthew Goode and he shall marry me at the end of it. Pack your fascinators and break the news gently to his wife!
Downton Lounging
I love Lady Sinderby, but seriously: Who reads like this, other than a person WHO LIVES IN A PAINTING? Anyway, Brancaster is VERY FANCY and VERY POSH and this episode has like 45 minutes of silent tracking shots of the interiors and I am totally fine with that. (At some point, we should discuss that Pippa Middleton was allegedly involved with the heir to this very estate and, dude, she should have locked that DOWN. Sure, Kate's going to be Queen [consort] eventually, but this place is FABULOUS and no one will get mad at you for going on vacation every three weeks if you're the Duchess of Northumberland. Northumberland is a good title, too. I mean, it's not Norfolk, but what is? This parenthetical brought to you by all the time I spent reading about titles for The Royal We.) Anyway, Atticus and Rose and Lady Sinderby are very excited to see the Downtonites, even if Lord Sinderby is as cranky as ever.
Downton Servant Shenanigans
Additionally, Lord Sinderby has brought his own butler, Stowell, with him -- for Reasons of Plot -- and said butler is a total assheel who hates everyone and is terribly TERRIBLY rude to Tom and Thomas (including making Thomas act as a footman! THE HORROR!) and is basically what would emerge if Rose's mother and Sarah Bunting: Derailed Closet Door got together and had a really old baby. Never fear: His comeuppance is swift and it is harsh. Never go up against Thomas when Revenge is on the line. Thomas is the sort who is terrible to his loved ones and coworkers but will not stand for them to be disparaged by outsiders, and he LOVES a challenge.
Downton Tromping About
Look at all these people in tweed! This makes me want to go run and put on my own tweed blazer and my Wellies. Mary, of course, looks totally grand while Edith looks like she's been cleaning out the attic, as you'll see in a later slide. I don't know that we needed TWO days of shooting in this particular episode, but...whatever, Julian Fellowes. Whatever. Who am I to argue with how much fun it was to get everyone in their tweeds and boots and stick them in cold rainy bushes? Here, Mary basically tells Lord Sinderby to just suck it up and be nice to Rose's Scandalously Divorcing parents and he is not having it, "even for [her]." Because of course Lord Sinderby would appreciate a fellow crank in Mary.
Meanwhile, Lady Sinderby and Tom -- perhaps the two nicest people in their respective families -- have a heart to heart about how hard it was for him to join the family, and how much she regrets what an uptight pain in the boot room her husband is sometimes. To paraphrase.
Downton Prison Visits
In which Anna wonders if she forgot to tell everyone that, oh yeah, she ONCE STABBED A GUY. (Her stepfather, who was Being Inappropriately Handsy With Her.) Yes. Maybe you should have mentioned this little incident BEFORE YOUR ARREST FOR MURDER, ANNA. He didn't die, or anything, but now the prosecution can claim that Anna has a Pattern of Violence. She had means, motive, opportunity, and now it appears she has a habit of trying to kill people. You guys, maybe Anna DID KILL HIM. I almost wish that she was guilty, to be honest. Just make these two the serial murderers/career criminals that they appear to actually be! Make something interesting happen instead of just arresting people every season for something they didn't even do! Bonnie and Clyde them!
Downton Decor
What appetizing wall hangings for a room in which Stowell refuses to serve Tom a roll! HOW DARE YOU SIR. Delicious breadstuffs are sacred to the British! Everyone else is, rightly, totally embarrassed by this, and Rose whispers to Mary that apparently Stowell is also a total old gossip who talks behind Lord Sinderby's back all the time. "They know far more about us than we do about them," Rose points out. Mary looks thoughtful, surely thinking about how much Anna: Accused Murderer/Confessed Stabber knows about her birth control.
Downton Headbands
In which Mary looks lovely and she and Baxter agree that Stowell is wretched, and Mary full-on suggests that Thomas do one of his Thomas-y things to eff with him. Thomas of course agrees, because Thomas LIVES to make other people's lives a living hell. This is accomplished by Thomas forging a note to the cook that ruins Lord Sinderby's dinner. (Not EVERYONE'S dinner. Just Lord Sinderby's. It is actually fairly innocuous except Lord Sinderby is nuts.) You know what they say: It's honestly not a Christmas special until something is forged.
Downton Crankpots
Back at Downton, Violet has brought Princess Kuragin to her home, given her clothes, and basically shoved her and the Prince back into the hole of their unhappy marriage and washed her hands of the entire thing, and while that sounds sad -- and parts of this plot are incredibly melancholy to me -- this scene is hilarious. Princess Kuragin hates everything/one, and Lord Merton and Isobel -- invited to stave off awkwardness, because, as Violet puts it, "the presence of strangers is our only guarantee of good behavior" -- make a continuous series of faces that scream, "OMGWTF Is This Really Happening?"
Princess Kuragin is SO CRANKY about being totally dispossessed and reunited with her husband by someone she hates. At one point, Kuragin is noting that many of their Russian compatriots have settled in Paris, although they've lost everything. "Of course, so have we," he says. "INCLUDING THE WILL TO LIVE," Princess Kuragin mutters in the corner and I swear to god, every time I watched this scene (I have to watch at least twice to write the recap), I cackled out loud at that moment. It was GREAT. It may have been the mic drop moment of this hour and a half, with apologies to Maggie Smith.
Of course, once it's clear that Violet is not going to be running off with him to live in sin, Kuragin is very dramatic and Russian about the whole thing, all "I DO NOT UNDERSTAND YOU" and Violet is very English about it in response, basically like, "You are married, and this is how it must be. Goodbye." (That is not a criticism of Violet, by the way. I am far more English in my reaction to things than I am Russian, believe you me.) After the men leave, Violet tells Isobel that she's rather sad to know she will never again "receive an immoral proposition" from a man, but I must tell her to buck up. When there's life, there's hope, Violet. May season six bring you a dashing and single septuagenarian suitor who makes all kinds of immoral and delicious proposals.
Downton Dining
This room is SPECTACULAR and in it, we learn that one of Atticus's friends has a friend coming to hunt with them as well, quite suddenly. You may know him as MATTHEW GOODE AT LAST. We also learn that everyone "feels sorry" for the other member of the party, their agent Mr Pelham, and I swear to god, Edith literally perks up when she hears about someone for whom everyone else ALSO feels sorry.
Downton DRAMZ
And also, Lord Sinderby finally notices that Stowell is not serving Tom properly, but this scolding is interrupted when Lord Sinderby has a HISSYFIT as Stowell starts serving him, like, skinless chicken breasts instead of a Cornish game hen. And in the midst of said (secretly Thomas-prompted) hissy, Lord Sinderby also refers to Thomas as "you stupid fool." And you can imagine how that went over. Thomas looked like he might want to stab Lord Sinderby with a fork. (I do wish someone from Downton had stood up for Thomas, by the way, although I suspect they were all stunned that they were at YET ANOTHER DINNER that was marred by insanity and rudeness. But still. HE SAVED EDITH FROM A BURNING BUILDING, YOU GUYS.)
Downton Entry Halls
While that dinner is going down in flames, Violet has seen all her various lovers and guests home. And I really only included this slide because I don't remember ever having seen Violet's hallway before, and it's so deliciously paneled. Also, her cook is named Mrs Potter, which I'm not sure I realized prior to this, or if I did, I totally forgot. At any rate: Ten points for Gryffindor!
Downton Nightgowns
Post Horrible Dinner Number Infinity, Lord G -- believing he MIGHT have angina -- goes in to tell Edith that he loves her, he knows Marigold is her child, and he fully believes Gregson was an honorable sort, who would have married her if the Nazis hadn't killed him once he moved to Germany so he could divorce his crazy wife in the attic who has been forgotten by everyone but me. And Edith of course cries and Lord G cries a bit and I of course totally cry and it's all quite lovely and very touching and THANK YOU for showing it to us, Julian Fellowes, instead of having Robert toddle back in to see Cora, all, "well, I talked to Edith about Marigold and everything is great! Golly, her room is terrifically green!"
Downton Loose Lips Sinking Ships
And, obviously, now Thomas is really on the warpath given what happened at dinner -- aka Stupid Foolgate -- and he goes and gets Stowell drunk and Stowell spills all manner of Lord Sinderby's secrets and then IT. IS. ON. What good is a butler if you can't count on him to keep his trap shut about all of your sexual indiscretions? Carson would be APPALLED.
Downton Perambulations
In which we learn that Atticus has been offered a job in New York and there's yet more yammering about Tom moving to Boston, like, WE KNOW. At one point, Edith points out that Mary hates "being left behind when everyone is getting on with their lives," which I think is dead on target. And so does Mary, clearly, because she makes a snide but weak comment about being left behind WITH Edith and everyone basically just exchanges sympathetic looks. (There's a lot of cracking on Mary this week -- all of which she tolerates with an eye roll -- including from Tom, who later very kindly jokes about her unselfishness. I am a Fan of Mary, but I enjoy it, and god knows she dishes out enough that she needs to be able to take it.)
As for this America thing, I'll believe the Tom Moves to Boston plot when season six opens IN BOSTON with Tom throwing tea into the bay or something. I would love it, however, if we could get to a point on this show where Just Endlessly Talking About A Thing That Might Happen wasn't considered plot development.
Downton UGH JUST WORK IT OUT
Isobel breaks up with Lord Merton because she doesn't want to come between him and his TERRIBLE CHILDREN, Larry and Daryl, and this is all very unsatisfying, because as much as Lord M professes to love Isobel -- which I believe -- never for one moment does he say, "Larry can take a long leap into a short well for all I care. If he doesn't shape up, I will disinherit him and I don't care what happens to the estate!" Basically, he just announces that this is a challenge for him. MAKE A SWEEPING ROMANTIC GESTURE, SOMEONE, FOR ONCE.
Downton AT LAST
But whatever about those two. HE HAS ARRIVED. HELLO LOVER. Matthew Goode, AKA Henry Talbot, is quite nice to Mary, but not obsequious and he's very deliciously dry, and in return, Mary goes and tells him that Atticus has had to give up shooting for the day to make a space for him, and then she actually gets a decent look at this person and feels very guilty about even saying anything about it, because, HELLO, why are you being antagonistic to MATTHEW GOODE? So then they have a flirty conversation about how Mary HAS NO HUSBAND and ergo can be flirted with without fear of dueling. (She does not mention that her vagina currently has a 67% mortality rate.)
Downton Companionship
So, wait. None of the ladies get to shoot? You have to tromp out there in your adorable tweeds and stand next to some dude and keep him company? I very much enjoy keeping dudes company -- and this would be fine if you were paired with your beloved, to whom you'd probably have lots of gossip from breakfast to impart anyway -- but COME ON. I want to shoot at things! (I would have probably been troublesome if I'd been born in 1899 or whatever.) Sexist practices between the wars aside, I am delighted to report that Bertie Pelham, The Agent For Whom Everyone Feels a Bit Sorry And Who Is Distantly Related To the Lords of The Manor, and Edith Crawley, The Lady For Whom Everyone Feels A Bit Sorry Who Is Also Distantly Related To People, rather hit it off, and he's very helpful and useful. PLEASE FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE USEFUL AND BE HAPPY, EDITH.
Downton Dirty Looks
I really just wanted you to see the DIRTIEST LOOK Isobel has ever given Violet.
Anyway, remember how Lord M was going to try to bring his sons around? Larry THE WORST goes and writes Isobel a letter that basically says he still hates her and always shall hate her. I do not understand why Lord Merton isn't taking this matter more in hand. Why is this a negotiation? HE'S STILL LORD MERTON. Crack the whip, dude. Anyway, as far as Isobel is concerned, it's decided: She doesn't want the rest of her life to be overshadowed by this familial fight. We know. This has been said 100 times.
"I suppose there's one consolation," Violet says. "Dr. Clarkson will be delighted." And then she bursts out laughing and Isobel gives her this look. (I laughed.)
Downton Chop Chop
Okay, let's just take care of this plotline here. It was actually quite amusing, but not really that IMPORTANT in the grand scheme of things, and we have miles to go before we sleep. At one point, Denker announces that she can make a really wonderful restorative broth -- yes, this plot is about restorative broths -- and Spratt calls her bluff, up to and including finding the broth that Daisy has made for her and smuggled over to the Dower House, which he pours down the sink. When Violet, however, tastes the swill that Denker is forced to make on her own, she -- in a really great moment from Maggie Smith -- squawks out that it's delicious, to Spratt's hilarious astonishment. Again: very, very amusing subplot, and everyone involved is really funny, but probably not that deeply vital.
Downton More Matthew Good, All Matthew Goode
Especially because, elsewhere, THERE IS ESCANDELO AT TEA! And it is NOT that Tom and Henry are wearing nearly the same tweeds. (This screengrab looks to me like Allen Leech is thinking, "yeah, I know. Matthew Goode wore it better.")
Downton Dirty Diana
Instead, the scandal is that SOMEONE has invited Lord Sinderby's MISTRESS and his ILLEGITIMATE SON up for tea by informing her that the place would be empty. And that someone is Thomas, working off the intel that Drunk Stowell gave him. The Mistress seems terribly nice, actually, and confused and hurt by this prank and guess who saves the day? Rose, by pretending that "Diana" is her old friend and roping Mary and Lord G, even, into playing along, thus saving Lord Sinderby's bacon AND Lady Sinderby and Atticus's feelings. (She later says she isn't going to tell Atticus about this, but I feel like maybe you tell your husband if you find out his father is having an affair, especially because Atticus is cheerfully like, "I have never heard of this friend of yours and we've never met.")
Personally, I echo Robert's reaction to the entire thing, which is: OH CRIKEY. However! This palaver finally convinces Lord Sinderby that Rose is an asset to his family, and he vows to be nicer to her parents. Also, Rose uses her new currency with Stowell to force him to be much, much nicer to Tom. So, well done, Thomas? Maybe don't go quite so nuclear next time.
Downton Dancing
In which Branson FINALLY, and very kindly, tells Edith that he's guessed the truth about Marigold. He reminds her that where he grew up, this sort of thing happened all the time. Oh Tom. You are so nice. And not only that, but Edith is wearing the MOST AMAZING green dress. You can tell she's happy because she looks lovely in most of this episode. (And Mary is glum because she hardly wears any color at all.) In an earlier moment -- not even a scene, just two lines -- Edith even runs out to talk to Mr Pelham, the agent, in a bright red dress, so you KNOW she's doing all right. And then the aforementioned Mr Pelham sweeps her away to dance at dinner, where we learn that the heir to the estate is "always away in North Africa." I would assume, in the hands of anyone else, that this would mean said heir is about to get gored by a wild boar, leaving Mr Pelham to inherit and Lady Edith with a very rich suitor indeed but given the way this show usually goes, I assume we will never see him again. For example, where is Evelyn Napier!?
Downton Matthew Goode
In which Henry proves himself to be very sharp indeed. I suppose he IS a prosecuting attorney in another life. He calls Mary out for being snobbish, and then asks her a series of questions about the events of that afternoon which prove that he is extremely observant and quite smart. Mary is, rightly, impressed. MAKE OUT WITH HIM, MARY!
Downton Matthew GOOOODE
And, indeed, Mary (awkwardly) flirts her skirts off, actually running after Henry to say goodbye -- not that I blame her, he IS Matthew Goode -- and wondering if she'll ever see him again. (He says he has an aunt in her neighborhood, so...maybe. He's definitely not falling all over her. And also he's got this lawyer in Chicago that he's kind of thinking about getting it on with, although that situation is...complicated.) Mary practically bursts into girlish giggles when she finds out that he loves cars and the spiffy roadster in British racing green parked in the drive belongs to him. You'd never guess from her reaction when he leaps into the driver's seat and speeds off that her beloved first husband DIED IN A TERRIBLE CAR WRECK.
That said, please come back, Henry Talbot. You are a dreamboat and you wear tweed very well, and if Tom's off to Boston and Atticus is truly going to New York, then we are in a SEVERE DREAMBOAT CRISIS AT DOWNTON. Rest assured, you are welcome any time. I have never been more serious about anything in my life.
Downton You Have To Be Effing Kidding Me
Sigh. Moving on from Matthew Goode -- which I never like to do. While everyone was gone, Bates wrote a letter confessing to Green's murder (!) and then fled the bloody country (!!) because of course he did. Bates makes THE WORST LIFE CHOICES. For one thing, his confession is easily disproved and then Anna will be back in jail and HE'LL be in trouble for MAKING A FALSE CONFESSION I KIND OF HATE YOU BOTH NOW. We're working on YEARS of Bates being in trouble with the law for stuff he didn't actually do (but seems like he could have) and it's SO BORING.
Bates also leaves Lord G his forwarding damn address, so now Lord G is an accessory to all of this, and it's all posited as being noble but this is ridiculous.
Downton Anna
Accordingly, however, Anna is sprung from the joint and Lord G and Mary are SO pleased and relieved to have her back, and no one wants to talk about the fact that the only reason she's out is that her husband lied to the cops and is now on the lam. Her husband who was convicted of murder once already and who has AT THE VERY LEAST surely violated some of the terms of his release. I am assigning Julian Fellowes homework over his break and it is to WATCH SOME LAW AND ORDER BEFORE YOU GO DOWN THIS PATH ANEW.
Downton Dresses
I LOVE this dress on Cora. That is all.
Downton Time Stamp
HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!
Downton Darlings
As you learned from the previous slide, time has passed, and there are things you need to know. Namely, (a) Andy, the Footman Who Denker Tried to Cheat Out of All His Money now works at Downton (because they need extra help with Bates on the run), and, (b) Sybbie is the cutest.
Downton Developments
And in Bates's absence, in a series of events I forgot to screengrab, Molesley went through Bates's cottage -- where we all learned that Anna has an entire drawer full of doilies? Anna is getting weirder and weirder -- to find a photo of him, and then he and Baxter went to every single pub in York until they found someone who could confirm Bates's alibi. (The man who eventually does so remembered Bates because of the limp, and because they almost had a fight, which seems right.) I think Molesley can be considered quite redeemed for that time he was snooty to Carson and ended up having to work paving the road, and I hope he and Baxter get married and are very happy and never get arrested for anything at all. Frankly, Lord G should have paid a private investigator to do this himself. Regardless: ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR MOLESLEY AND BAXTER! Give them a raise, Robert. Put them to work finding your Gutenberg Bible!
Downton De-Engagements
And these two are STILL BREAKING UP OH MY GOD IT'S BEEN MONTHS. But at least Lord Merton makes a very passionate declaration of love. To which Isobel is like, "too bad, because your children are an immovable impediment," and...that's it? This is unsatisfying. I really do love this show and deeply enjoy it, which says something because I feel like it's bad at love triangles AND satisfying break-ups, which are both really important for what is essentially a soap opera. At least Isobel's drawing room looks fantastic this holiday season.
Downton Tears
But this was a very touching moment, where these three -- "the three who should have grown old with her," per Tom -- take a moment to think of Sybil. There is a lovely bit where Edith and Mary take hands, and they send Sybil their love, wherever she may be, and as much as I just complained about this show, I DO think it handles dead characters very well -- they are generally not forgotten, which is nice and sort of unusual on TV. Eventually, Lord G comes in and asks Tom if he might leave Sybbie until he's settled, and Tom won't go for it, but it's very congenial and all really very emotional. DON'T GO, BRANSON! We need your kind heart at work in this house! Don't leave me alone between Edith and Mary!
Downton Melancholy
In a very melancholy scene, Violet and Isobel discuss the truth about Princess Kuragin. It seems that, last time they met, Princess Kuragin caught her husband and Violet essentially running off together, and PULLED VIOLET OUT OF THEIR CARRIAGE BY HER HAIR and THREW HER BACK to her husband, and Violet basically believes she did her a huge favor in doing so, and that she would have regretted running away with the Prince for the rest of her life. ("You must have looked rather disheveled," Isobel says. "Men notice nothing," Violet says.) Violet feels very strongly that the Princess saved her then, and now they are finally even. "And you never strayed again," Isobel says. "I never risked everything again," Violet says. Isobel notes that's not quite what she asked. "It's all the answer you'll get," Violet says. "Remember, we were the Edwardians." And for implying she might have slept around a bit, I give Violet this mic drop.
Downton Aerial Shot
Further notes on the Christmas party: Lord G has been abstaining due to his ulcer, so when he gets into the nog, he gets hammered and spends the entire party jovially wasted, which is fun; Tom thinks Mary should take over his office (zzz); Tom gives a lovely goodbye speech, and Lord G pulls it together to give a very, very kind tribute to Branson in turn. There is also rather more singing that expected, including Mary's rendition of "Silent Night," the lyrics of which are totally foreign to me. Like, is that how that song is sung in England? Because y'all just blew my mind.
Downton Aldridges
And these two look lovely and seem VERY HAPPY, which is a tremendous relief. Thank God SOMEONE is. I hope Rose got an ornament for the tree that said, "Atticus's First Christmas," and that she forced Mrs Patmore to learn how to make latkes.
Downton Betrothals
But forget about them, because THEN CARSON ASKS MRS HUGHES TO MARRY HIM AND SHE ACCEPTS AND FOR SOME WEIRD REASON NO ONE KISSES ANYONE. I mean, I am delighted for these two, given that I have been wondering all season what the hell is going on with them, romantically speaking, but, "of course I'll marry you, you old booby. I thought you'd never ask," and then just a hand on the arm is not exactly how I pictured it. You two are getting married! SWEEP HER INTO YOUR MANLY, ORGANIZED ARMS, CARSON, AND RUFFLE THAT PRIM HAIR-DO A BIT! I don't even know if an engagement with no kissing is legal. I WANT EVERYONE TO MAKE OUT MORE IN SEASON SIX. That said: Mazel tov and yay, and don't either of you go murdering anyone unless they really, really deserve it.
Downton I'm Sad That I Hate You Who Once I Loved
Speaking of which, look who's snuck in, just like Santa. Yes, you're so coy and charming, you who FILED A FALSE CONFESSION AND THEN FLED THE COUNTRY. ARGH. You guys, I cannot believe this plot isn't over. ALL I WANTED for this Christmas was for someone at Scotland Yard to call Downton and be like, "whoops, some random lady confessed to killing the Valet, it's all good, this plot is over, BYE." But instead, Anna is delighted Bates is back and is like, "but what about these murder charges against ME given that now it's been proven that you didn't do it WHICH WAS OBVIOUS IN THE FIRST PLACE?" and Bates basically full-on Scarlett O'Haras it and tells Anna they'll worry about it later, because it's Christmas and he twirls her around and it's supposed to be all HAPPY CHRISTMAS THE END, BUT... NO. NO LATER. Please dear Julian Fellowes, PLEASE open season six with a conversation wherein we learn that they totally found the actual murderer over the break and everything is totally fine and WE NEVER HAVE TO TALK ABOUT THIS MEANDERING ENDLESS PLOTLINE AGAAAAAIN. I mean, we literally found out who killed Laura Palmer more quickly. COME ON.
And on that note, uh, Happy Belated Christmas? I wish this episode had ended on basically any other character at all, because now I feel like an old crank. Let's imagine Matthew Goode making us all G&Ts on a warm veranda and go out on a high note. See you next season! Pack your tweeds and bring your Matthew Goodes! Up next on your PBS Costume Drama Recap Schedule: Wolf Hall. I'M COMING FOR YOU, BOLEYN.