Tyra in Versace
This is made of Versace scarves, and is meant to evoke J.Lo's famous frock from the 2002 Grammys. (Boy, viewers REALLY do not like her; comments on the show's Instagram were all, "VOTE HER OUT!!!" I am going to live alone on my island, but I'm gonna build a nice shelter because I've watched Survivor.)
This was hilariously absurd. She stood there delivering her lines for the top of the show, and they had clearly wheeled out a wind machine and jammed it in her face, because her hair and her sleeves were blowing backward. I wish a still photo could possibly capture it.
Derek Hough
Derek was apparently supposed to be Bowie, which... mmmkay.
Justina Machado & Sasha Farber
Justina picked Madonna, so they did a rumba to Crazy For You. I don't now enough about ballroom to know why rumba is a good choice for that slow song, but as much as I've loved Justina, I thought this was a really boring dance and deserved its spot near the bottom. Not her fault; the choreography was dull as heck.
Justina Machado & Sasha Farber
Justina does this thing where she really sucks on her lips when she's getting negative feedback. It's totally the face I would be making, where I am trying to bite back a comment and just listen and I THINK I am doing it neutrally but I totally am not.
Bruno
I have no idea what icon he is. That could be anything. He's probably just going as himself -- he made a joke about that later in the show -- but I'm just going to assume again that he's Jay Manuel. It would be SO on-brand for Tyra to take someone platinum.
Carrie Ann
Did she say who she's paying homage to? Maybe it's no one, honestly. Maybe it's GYMNASTS.
Nelly & Daniella
So then Nelly came out to a cover of "California Love" that he recorded specially (I think), and they did jazz, which was an interesting combination. Nelly looks like he walked into wardrobe and said, "Broken ribs, but MAKE IT FASHION." And the little scarf kept flopping into his eyes.
I think Nelly gets by on the fact that he's throwing himself into something very earnest, and people didn't expect it. But Daniella does almost all of the heavy lifting -- except for when he literally lifts her, which he does with ease -- and that allows him to get by just standing there and pumping his arms and doing a light variation on hip-hop. I mean, he's doing air guitar here?!? But -- aside from catching him looking really bored while watching the other contestants -- he seems to be into it, and the judges seem perhaps overly charmed by that.
Cheryl and AJ McLean
They waltzed to "Somebody To Love" by Queen -- he's evoking Freddie Mercury -- and it was okay, but they made some mistakes. I think he's better at this than Nelly is, though. In the few episodes I've seen, he seems to be going out on more of a limb, technically speaking.
Kaitlyn and Artem
I feel for the people who DON'T get interesting entrances, and then they show up and see Kaitlyn Bristowe standing in the middle of a circle of crystals. She's doing Britney, and they danced the tango to a hella slow and dramatic version of "Toxic," and I have to say... it was really, really good. I think Artem must be an adept choreographer.
She ALSO got a full crystal head piece. I cannot imagine this show wants consecutive winners from "The Bachelorette," not that it gets to choose, but Kaitlyn has a performing background and it does show.
This costume, though. They lit it effectively while she was dancing, but I feel like they maybe picked Toxic SPECIFICALLY for the naked costume.
Johnny Weir
Johnny picked Amy Winehouse, and they did a quick-step to "Valerie" that was very fun -- that is a GREAT song and it's super hard not to bop along with it, so well-chosen, there. (I love "Crazy For You," but it felt like a dirge.) Also, I pledge allegiance to him for doing as much of the beehive as he could muster while dancing.
Johnny & Britt
They clearly had a good time. Also, in his package, he somehow connected Amy Winehouse and fame and expectations and his own Olympic career, and watching him get choked up reliving the experience of falling on the world stage and feeling like a failure... as someone who LOVES the Olympics, I basically stopped what I was doing and watched that whole part with both eyes and ears.
Skai Jackson and Alan
Skai's pick was Janet Jackson, and their dance was... fine? I am not as big a fan of hers as the judges are. Physically she can create the kind of lines they like, but I find her a little brittle when she dances. However...
At one point he put her down and spin her and she did like three FULL circles before slapping her hands down and immediately stopping, and it WAS a great move, and it was near the end so I think that's why she got especially good scores.
Skai also used this to speak up about Black Lives Matter -- she's only 19, so good for her for owning what's important to her on such a big stage at a young age -- but the real reason I got this grab is because Tyra over there got caught on camera clambering back onto the stage in her new costume, in which she CLEARLY struggled to move, and it's little wonder...
I don't currently have the imagination to figure out who or what this is. Gaga? I don't even know. But it looks miserably uncomfortable and I have NO idea why it has supersize boob cups. Are her notes stashed in there?
Nev Schulman and Jenna
Nev. Okay. I am not a fan of Nev, generally. I don't care for Catfish AT ALL, and he just rubs me slightly the wrong way. But having said that: He's VERY good at this, and he can go from graceful to goofy, and I think he's going to win this (assuming the viewers don't all line up elsewhere). He also, to his credit, always seems delighted by what the other couples are doing. So I'm trying to pull back on my preconceived notions of him. Also, Jenna is adorable and her costume is delicious. THOSE SHOES.
By the way, it was Elton John, and they danced a jive to "Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting," which is also a banger of a song that lifts up the room. When I got my black belt, we had to compose a musical form, and I thought I chose well by setting mine to "Livin' On a Prayer," but then one of the teen candidates came out with "Don't Stop Me Now" from Queen and we were ALL dancing along and singing along at every rehearsal for our belt ceremony. The right music DOES matter.
Johnny
Johnny Weir did not seem as enchanted. (Maybe he's just stressed. He's been very up and down so I suspect the competitor in him wants to gnaw off his fingernails.)
Justina, Sasha, Kaitlyn, Artem
These two couples faced off in a cha-cha, and the judges gave the bonus points to Justina. It was hard for me to tell which one was better, but I love watching her and she seemed to have more fun, maybe? Bruno had to break a tie with each of the three pairs, and he picked Justina and Sasha, and I'm not mad at it because they needed 'em.
This point in the show was my first clear look at Tyra's, well, clear boots. They are ridiculous. This whole outfit was a nightmare on camera and I suspect also awful to wear. She needed to have made a choice that was, like, 35 percent less.
Nelly, Daniella, Skai, Alan
They did salsa to "Copa de Vida," which, again, GREAT SONG, and the energy was awesome, but you have to love that Nelly's big strategy was to come out and immediately rip off his vest and dance shirtless. Own your strengths, Nelly!
Cheryl, AJ, Britt, Johnny
Johnny kept the beehive. I love you, Johnny. They did the jive to "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go," and AJ got the points, but then AJ and Cheryl got eliminated. Cheryl was pissed later. I do think she's correct that Nelly and Daniella are the weaker pair; they were at the bottom AND lost their dance-off and both were correct, but if the fans are here for Nelly, what can you do? And how long before someone dances to "Hot In Herre," dammit?!?
Tyra WAS hot in therre, because she totally took off her boots for a chunk of the show and just stood around barefoot. (Here, she is swinging Nelly's vest and announcing she might take it home to cuddle, which is completely weird and very Tyra.) She put them back on for the conclusion of the show. Next week I fully expect her to be like, "Screw it, I'm wearing fashion sneakers."