Kendall and Kylie

I imagine Kendall is saying, "Ha ha ha, I TOLD YOU not to let North play with your self-charger because now it's in the toilet and you're low on battery."

Kylie Jenner

It was both warm and sunny today. This dress had to feel like smoking droid hell. It isn't terrible and at least it's not a billboard for her waxer, but typically for Kylie, she just HAS to dress like someone ten years older than she is. Also let's please clap our hands in front of her face and see if she blinks. RESCUE HER PLEASE. Years ago, when it was Lohan, I asked for Angelina and Brad to adopt her. I might be asking that again now.

Kendall Jenner in Alexandre Vaultier

I'm just glad Kendall is treating Caitlyn's big, emotional night with all the dignity and subtlety she can muster.

Khloe and Kendall and Kylie

And Khloe made her top out of electrical tape. I wouldn't have walked the red carpet either.

Kim Kardashian

I hope North tore off Kim's sleeve during snack time. (I do like that Kim apparently here is cheering for Caitlyn.)

Brody Jenner

And then Brody showed up, the only red-carpet representative of the male Jenndashians and more specifically of the non-Kris children (the others were inside but didn't do the fashion parade). He looks nice and not insane and rather restrained. In 2009, when I was staring at him holding court in an LA restaurant and texting throughout his gigantic meal with his large group, I would not have predicted that I'd compliment him on being relatively low-key (compared to his step-sisters, that is). Times do change.

ESPYs Fine and Fug Carpet: Various Kardashians and Jenners

I'm starting to wonder if Kylie is pathologically unable to enjoy anything. She's starting to develop Kim's patented Blankface -- and Kim's patented Actual Face, in a way -- and even Kendall can't make her crack much of a sincere smile. What is going ON. Kylie is only 17, still, right? Is it too late to call Child Protective Services? [Photos: Getty]