Alesha Dixon, Julia Sanina, Hannah Waddingham
Alesha is a judge on Britain's Got Talent (and started out in the UK girl group Mis-Teeq). Julia is a Ukrainian singer from the band The Hardkiss, and Hannah is HANNAH. They all look pretty great, honestly. This will be hard to top on the big final night. Bold choice of Hannah's to match the Eurovision color scheme and backdrops for the year, which you can't see as much in this photo -- and which is sort of a moot point because most of the time she wasn't standing in front of those colors.
Look how GREAT it is from above though!
Malta: The Busker, "Dance (Our Own Party)"
These poor sweet sweater angels. This song is apparently about being uncomfortable at, or sick of, a giant party and wanting to go hang out in a smaller group at home. So it includes him saying, over and over, "I feel better in my sweater," and then later, "If you're keen, I've got some indoor shoes I can offer you." SOLD.
This was his big move: Holding his hand straight up for HEY, and then turning it this way for WAIT.
Sir, I don't believe your free-floating steering wheel is going to work.
How can Europe have voted out A CONGENIAL SAXOPHONE? They also had a fake car, a couch, a LAMP! What is wrong with you all?
Here is my one beef: I think the Eurovision experience is purer when the home viewer isn't getting bells and whistles that cover up what's happening on-stage. MAYBE this was on the screen in the arena, but it was full-screen for us. And one of them covered a costume change! OBJECTION! If you're going to pull a Jodie Sawyer from Center Stage, YOU DO IT IN FRONT OF ALL OUR EYEBALLS and MAKE IT FLOW.
SURPRISE. A version of this symbol appears on their drum set, and they ALSO cut to this full-screen for a split second. I yelped.
Here is their outfit change! After an "ACT 3" screen came up, we popped back to the main guy doing a solo dance in his new sweater, which kept the others off-camera long enough that the other two could completely change AND swap out the saxophone. I feel like this had ALL the right ingredients, and yeah, a mediocre song, but mediocre songs have made it plenty far based on all the bells and whistles around them. DOWN WITH THIS VOTE.
Azerbaijan: TuralTuranX, "Tell Me More"
The Wonder Twins opened with some black-and-white split-screen effects that are ALSO exclusive to home viewers -- or at least, we experience it differently than arena audiences would -- and I feel like that's also cheating. If we wanted a music video, we'd watch the one you already made, folks.
They said their song was Britpop inspired, but it was definitely more... Beatles-lite than what I think of as current Britpop. Andrew Garfield is welcome to grow out his hair and play one or BOTH of them in a movie about their lives (they are the ones who lost their dad AND their two older brothers). I was rooting for them, but I get why this didn't go -- it was too gentle, too flat, even with their scarves.
Dion Cooper, Netherlands
This half of the Netherlands duo kicked off their song, which is about losing sight of joy, and indeed I did not experience any while watching them.
Mia Nicolai, Netherlands
I lied, I did get some joy: This is clearly Olivia Rodrigo playing Katherine Heigl playing Pat Benatar.
Sigh. This maudlin song was a waste of glittery pinstripes.
Latvia: Sudden Lights, "Aijā"
This photo makes this look more energetic than it was. The staging was dull, the song was forgettable. It was also, from what I gather, a song about how much the world sucks right now. AMEN, brothers.
Ireland: Wild Youth, "We Are One"
One of the bloggers covering this for the BBC said he kept standing up in the crowd to adjust his jumpsuit, and... I can sense the accuracy of that statement.
Also this guy looks kind of like if aliens tried to create new Jamie Tartt based on a faded photo.
Poor Ireland. They've had such a bad run lately. Honestly, this song wasn't awful. It was fine! They brought a sparkly piano and everything! It was a cookie-cutter pop ballad with a feel-good message ("We might be different, we might be unique /// You might be a leader, I might be a freak // And we might be different // But, under the falling sun // Tonight, we are one") and you can sense it was written while picturing the winners' confetti raining onto their faces. Honestly, it should have been the Eurovision theme song -- it would be perfect for that. And I did think it deserved better than failing to qualify for the final, even if it lacked special sauce.
BUT HE HAD FIRE. WHAT SELF=RESPECTING VOTER CAN ELIMINATE FIRE????
Rita Ora
And then Rita Ora came out wearing a tutu table. She sang a medley that ended with a preview of her new song, "Praising You," which... turns out is a remix of Fatboy Slim's "Praise You." It wasn't bad, but the way the crowd went wild, I think they thought she was just straight-up covering it.
Bye, ladies! Can't wait to see what you wear on Thursday. Oh, and special nod to Julia for wearing flames on the bottom of her dress. SHE understands the importance of Eurovision fire.