Mandatory Credit: Photo by Francois Durand/Shutterstock (523019z)
Eva Longoria
THE 58TH CANNES FILM FESTIVAL,'WHERE THE TRUTH LIES' FILM PREMIERE, CANNES, FRANCE - 13 MAY 2005
This was her first Cannes, and while it does seem like things have only gotten bigger and bigger, a knit slip dress feels almost woefully understated...
2005
Mandatory Credit: Photo by Matt Baron/BEI/Shutterstock (522946aq)
Eva Longoria 58TH CANNES FILM FESTIVAL, CAROLE BOUQUET PHOTOCALL FOR FILM 'FEUX ROUGE', CANNES, FRANCE - 13 MAY 2005
Eva Longoria arriving to the premiere of 'Where the Truth Lies' at the 2005 Cannes Film Festival on May 13, 2005. Cannes, France Photo ® Matt Baron/BEImages
... but at least she had the surprise rearviw factor in play. But this still feels like the thing you wear to dance at your (swanky) backyard wedding reception.
2005
Mandatory Credit: Photo by Matt Baron/BEI/Shutterstock (523060r)
Eva Longoria
THE 58TH CANNES FILM FESTIVAL, 'STAR WARS : EPISODE III - REVENGE OF THE SITH', CANNES, FRANCE - 15 MAY 2005
This is better! It's very pretty but feels slightly like it's going to fall off?
2006
Mandatory Credit: Photo by Chris Alan/BEI/Shutterstock (590486s)
Eva Longoria
'EL LABERINTO DEL FAUNO' FILM PREMIERE, 59TH CANNES FILM FESTIVAL, FRANCE - 27 MAY 2006
May 27, 2006 - Cannes, France
Eva Longoria
2006 Cannes Film Festival - 'El laberinto del fauno' Premiere
Photo ® Chris Alan/BEImages
Amusingly, Eva has told the story of this dress as if it were at the 2005 festival -- her first -- but she's at the Pan's Labyrinth premiere, and that was 2006. Sorry, Eva. Anyway, apparently she was there without her stylist's detailed directions, because she wore this backward and didn't know until later.
2006
Mandatory Credit: Photo by David Fisher/Shutterstock (590493y)
Eva Longoria
'TRANSYLVANIA' FILM PREMIERE, 59TH CANNES FILM FESTIVAL, FRANCE - 28 MAY 2006
This is some real apricot fromage right here. The only thing I really LIKE are the tan shoes, and so that's how you know it's a bad dress. It's like several steps removed even from ABS By Allen Schwartz.
2006
Mandatory Credit: Photo by David Fisher/Shutterstock (590493z)
Eva Longoria
'TRANSYLVANIA' FILM PREMIERE, 59TH CANNES FILM FESTIVAL, FRANCE - 28 MAY 2006
No, Eva! Making it a tear-away won't help!
2008
Mandatory Credit: Photo by Shutterstock (764680l)
Eva Longoria Parker
'Kung Fu Panda' film premiere at the 61st Cannes Film Festival, Cannes, France - 15 May 2008
'Kung Fu Panda' premiered tonight, 15th May at Cannes. The animated film boasts Jack Black as the voice of Po the panda, who works in his family's noodle shop and dreams of becoming a kung-fu master. His dream becomes a reality when, unexpectedly, he must fulfill an ancient prophecy and study the skills with his idols, the Furious Five. Po needs all the wisdom, strength and ability he can muster to protect his people from an evil snow leopard. The film also features the voices of Dustin Hoffman, Angelina Jolie, Jackie Chan, Lucy Liu and Ian McShane.https://www.kungfupanda.com/
NOW she's getting into the Cannes-do spirit. Swing big, sweet child! That thing feels like a wedding dress inspired by the moment in The Little Mermaid when Ariel reprises "Part of Your World" and the surf crashes up onto the rock where she's lying.
2008 in Versace
Mandatory Credit: Photo by Shutterstock (764533q)
Eva Longoria Parker
'Blindness' film premiere at the 61st Cannes Film Festival, Cannes, France - 14 May 2008
'Blindness' premiered today at the Cannes Film Festival. Based on a novel by Nobel Prize winner Jose Saramago and starring Julianne Moore, Alice Braga and Mark Ruffalo, the story centres on a town where everyone is struck with a mysterious case of sudden blindness. A doctor's wife (Julianne Moore) becomes the only person left with the ability to see. She feigns illness in order to take care of her husband (Mark Ruffalo) as her surrounding community breaks down into chaos and disorder. https://www.blindness-themovie.com/
Great color, but it confuses me when gowns that aren't see-through still try SO HARD to redirect your vision to the crotch region.
2009 in Versace
Mandatory Credit: Photo by David Fisher/Shutterstock (924154o)
Eva Longoria Parker
'Bright Star' film premiere at the 62nd Cannes Film Festival, Cannes, France - 16 May 2009
Bright Star is the latest release from British film director Jane Campion (In The Cut, The Piano) and has been entered into the main competition at this years 62nd Cannes Film Festival. Based on the last three years of 19th Century English poet John Keats, the film stars Britains Ben Wishaw (Perfume, Criminal Justice) as the protagonist and Australias Abbie Cornish (Somersault) as his muse, Fanny Brawne. It follows his three-year secret love affair with the girl that lived next door to him, curtailed by his premature death at the age of just 25. The title refers to one of Keatss sonnets, written when he was with Brawne. Co-stars include Kerry Fox, Paul Schneider and Thomas Sangster.
This fabric is funky, but the dress itself looks kind of stuff and unforgiving, and the train, like a duvet folded for display at Bed Bath.
2010
She's REALLY veering into some forgettable makeup here, isn't she?
2010
Mandatory Credit: Photo by Agf/Shutterstock (1182983n)
Eva Longoria Parker
'Tournee' film premiere at the 63rd Cannes Film Festival, Cannes, France - 13 May 2010
This is appropriately glam, though.
2012 in Marchesa
Mandatory Credit: Photo by Joseph Kerlakian/Shutterstock (1714328h)
Eva Longoria
Opening Ceremony and 'Moonrise Kingdom' film premiere, 65th Cannes Film Festival, France - 16 May 2012
NOW she's angling for the stairs moment, right?
And she got it, sort of.
The good news is, that thing will pick up all KINDS of lint, so the organizers might not have to vacuum as hard.
2012
Mandatory Credit: Photo by James Mccauley/Shutterstock (1715015g)
Eva Longoria
'Rust and Bone' film premiere, 65th Cannes Film Festival, France - 17 May 2012
She clearly had to dial it down after all that -- the red-carpet equivalent of taking a night off. Although her HEAD looks great, and I guess that's the point of being a L'Oreal rep.
2012
Mandatory Credit: Photo by Stephane Reix/EPA/Shutterstock (7667950ag)
Us Actress Eva Longoria Arrives at the Opening Dinner Held at the Agora Pavilion After the Opening Ceremony of the 65th Cannes Film Festival in Cannes France 16 May 2012 the Film Festival Runs From 16 to 27 May France Cannes
France Cannes Film Festival 2012 - May 2012
What is even happening. There was a period where she showed up a lot in large dark gowns and we started calling her The Widow Longoria -- so much time has passed that I don't even know exactly when that started, or with which large dress -- but this feels like The Widow Longoria got real bored with her sewing machine and started to play.
2013
CANNES, FRANCE - MAY 18: Actress Eva Longoria attends the 'Jimmy P. (Psychotherapy Of A Plains Indian)' Premiere during the 66th Annual Cannes Film Festival at the Palais des Festivals on May 18, 2013 in Cannes, France. (Photo by Andreas Rentz/Getty Images)
This isn't so much Cannes to me as Miami Socialite Vows To Host Extremely Large Pool Party.
2013
CANNES, FRANCE - MAY 17: Actress Eva Longoria attends the Premiere of 'Le Passe' (The Past) during The 66th Annual Cannes Film Festival at Palais des Festivals on May 17, 2013 in Cannes, France. (Photo by Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images)
That's an uninspiring version of this basic aesthetic.
2013
Global Gift Gala held at the Four Seasons Hotel George V Paris Featuring: Eva Longoria
Where: Paris, Hotel George V, France
When: 13 May 2013
Credit: WENN.com **Not available for publication in France, Netherlands, Belgium, Spain and Italy. Available for the rest of the world.**
Wow. I didn't know leaf blowers also worked so well on sequins.
2013
66th Cannes Film Festival - Global Gift Gala - Arrivals Featuring: Eva Longoria
Where: Cannes, France
When: 19 May 2013
Credit: News Pictures/WENN.com **Only available for publications in the UK and USA**
"I want to look like I was lying around in my underwear when a sexy villain came and blew dark smoke rings all over my body. MAKE IT HAPPEN."
2014
CANNES, FRANCE - MAY 17: Eva Longoria attends the "Saint Laurent" Premiere at the 67th Annual Cannes Film Festival on May 17, 2014 in Cannes, France. (Photo by Andreas Rentz/Getty Images)
Sure! This seems right.
2014
CANNES, FRANCE - MAY 19: Eva Longoria attends the "Foxcatcher" premiere during the 67th Annual Cannes Film Festival on May 19, 2014 in Cannes, France. (Photo by Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images)
OH HELL NO. Not least because it looks like a giant used her braid as dental floss.
2014
CANNES, FRANCE - MAY 16: Actress Eva Longoria attends the Global Gift Gala hosted by Eva Longoria during the 67th Annual Cannes Film Festival on May 16, 2014 in Cannes, France. (Photo by Andreas Rentz/Getty Images)
As lingerie goes, that's not even very good.
2015 in Versace
It's hard to concentrate on the dress when her face appears to be advertising makeup that will erase your mouth entirely.
2015 in Gabriela Cadena
The front portion of her dress looks like it's about to open its eyes and yell at me...
2015
... but I think it should be yelling at itself instead.
2015 in Georges Hobeika
"WHAT. You want better? IT'S AN OFF YEAR, OKAY? WE ALL HAVE THEM."
2016
What... do we think happened to her original outfit? Because this can't be it, right?
2016
Mandatory Credit: Photo by James Mccauley/Shutterstock (5683022b)
Eva Longoria
'Money Monster' premiere, 69th Cannes Film Festival, France - 12 May 2016
WEARING PAMELLA ROLLAND SAME OUTFIT AS CATWALK IN *5586493av
I'll take it, Widow Longoria. I'LL TAKE IT.
2017 in (I think) Balmain
I WILL LEAVE IT, WIDOW LONGORIA. I WILL LEAVE IT.
2017 in Philipp Plein
Mandatory Credit: Photo by Matt Baron/Shutterstock (8840072ad)
Eva Longoria
Philipp Plein Resort Collection, Arrivals, 70th Cannes Film Festival, France - 24 May 2017
FLEE IT, WIDOW LONGORIA. FLEE IT.
2017 in Marchesa
Mandatory Credit: Photo by AP/Shutterstock (8827853q)
Eva Longoria
2017 The Killing Of A Sacred Deer Red Carpet, Cannes, France - 22 May 2017
Ehhh. This feels like a pastiche of ideas that have all been done better elsewhere. In some cases BY Marchesa.
2017 in Genny
Mandatory Credit: Photo by Shutterstock (8827568h)
Eva Longoria
Eva Longoria out and about, 70th Cannes Film Festival, France - 22 May 2017
WEARING GENNY
"Hi! No, I will not be taking questions at this time, as I don't understand this either."
2017 in Pamella Roland
Try as she might, Eva simply could not use the little magnet pen to move the metal shavings so that they covered her evenly.
2017 in Elie Saab
"Yeah, I'm tired, I just want to go home."
2019 in Cristina Ottaviano
Mandatory Credit: Photo by Matt Baron/REX/Shutterstock (10238455o)
Eva Longoria
'Rocketman' premiere, 72nd Cannes Film Festival, France - 16 May 2019
Oh, but this is SO GOOD. It's totally dreamy on her. It fits PERFECTLY, and hold onto that memory, because...
2019 in Alberta Ferretti
Mandatory Credit: Photo by Anthony Harvey/REX/Shutterstock (10236787au)
Eva Longoria
'The Dead Don't Die' premiere and opening ceremony, 72nd Cannes Film Festival, France - 14 May 2019
... this one reads very droopy and heavy and... FULL of effort.
2019 in Victoria Beckham
Mandatory Credit: Photo by Katie Jones/Variety/Shutterstock (10239506u)
Eva Longoria
Kering Talks: Women in Motion, Eva Longoria, 72nd Cannes Film Festival, France - 17 May 2019
Wearing Victoria Beckham Same Outfit as catwalk models *9881297p and *9881297ak
It was nice of her to wear her friend Posh's pants, but the shirt she got with them is gnuinely atrocious.
2019
North America Rights Only - Cannes, France -20190519- Kering Women In Motion Dinner During 72th Cannes Film Festival -PICTURED: Eva Longoria
-PHOTO by: Reynaud Julien/ABACA/INSTARimages.com This is an editorial, rights-managed image. Please contact Instar Images LLC for licensing fee and rights information at sales@instarimages.com or call +1 212 414 0207 This image may not be published in any way that is, or might be deemed to be, defamatory, libelous, pornographic, or obscene. Please consult our sales department for any clarification needed prior to publication and use. Instar Images LLC reserves the right to pursue unauthorized users of this material. If you are in violation of our intellectual property rights or copyright you may be liable for damages, loss of income, any profits you derive from the unauthorized use of this material and, where appropriate, the cost of collection and/or any statutory damages awarded
As was this Nagini cosplay.
Eva Longoria
USA Rights Only - Antibes, France -20190523- Celebrities pose for pictures as they arrive at the 26th anfAR Gala, held at Hotel du Cap-Eden-Roc, during the 72nd Cannes Film Festival. -PICTURED: Eva Longoria
-PHOTO by: Doug Peters/PA Images/INSTARimages.com
-43077910.jpg This is an editorial, rights-managed image. Please contact Instar Images LLC for licensing fee and rights information at sales@instarimages.com or call +1 212 414 0207 This image may not be published in any way that is, or might be deemed to be, defamatory, libelous, pornographic, or obscene. Please consult our sales department for any clarification needed prior to publication and use. Instar Images LLC reserves the right to pursue unauthorized users of this material. If you are in violation of our intellectual property rights or copyright you may be liable for damages, loss of income, any profits you derive from the unauthorized use of this material and, where appropriate, the cost of collection and/or any statutory damages awarded
Sigh. I think a lot about our untentional Lasts. This is now the last thing she wore at Cannes, for God knows how long, and it seems a bit baggy AND she accidentally moisturized her legs with furniture polish. Hopefully 2021 will bring something to wash away the taste.
Global Gift Gala, 72nd Cannes Film Festival, France - 20 May 2019
Mandatory Credit: Photo by Jacques BENAROCH/SIPA/Shutterstock (10242208l)
Eva Longoria
Global Gift Gala, 72nd Cannes Film Festival, France - 20 May 2019
Wearing Jonathan Simkhai
Mandatory Credit: Photo by Jacques BENAROCH/SIPA/Shutterstock (10242208l) Eva Longoria Global Gift Gala, 72nd Cannes Film Festival, France - 20 May 2019 Wearing Jonathan Simkhai
