Evita Premiere

Madge in Givenchy

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Crollalanza/Shutterstock (267607p) Madonna EVITA FILM PREMIERE IN LOS ANGELES, AMERICA - 1996

This is NOT subtle and you could argue that her hat is influenced by the Pope, and that she's wearing a dying Christmas wreath and a loofa. All of those are valid comments, and SPOILER, by the end of today you will likely look back at this as a limp echo of something Audrey Hepburn wore.

But the aesthetic also very much suits her, and it's nice to remember a time when you could not look away from Madonna and it wasn't because she was wearing a grill and some threadbare Moschino.

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Crollalanza/Shutterstock (267607z) MADONNA EVITA FILM PREMIERE IN LOS ANGELES, AMERICA - 1996

Seriously, she knew how to make herself The Center of It All. This was HER movie, her moment, because she made it that way right here.

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Kip Rano/Shutterstock (320369a) Madonna VARIOUS MADONNA

I mean. Paint that in oils and hang it somewhere.

Antonio Banderas and Melanie Griffith

There is something so Yesteryear about a dude rolling up to his movie premiere with a cigar dangling from his fingertips. Also, check out the delicately heeled boots.

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Mark J Terrill/AP/Shutterstock (6513529f) BANDERAS GRIFFITH Antonio Banderas and Melanie Griffith arrive at the "Evita" premiere, at the Shrine Auditorium in Los Angeles EVITA OPENING, LOS ANGELES, USA

They were such a foxy couple.

Glenn Close

"I cannot BELIEVE I didn't get this part. Smile, Glenn, your Oscar will come."

Minnie Driver

Her bodice is not having a productive conversation with her chest.

Grace Jones

"Hold my beer, Madonna. I'm Grace f'ing Jones."

Paula Abdul

She looks like a Vegas ballroom, but, like, Ballroom, C, for smaller gatherings.

Rosanna Arquette

I like to think that there was an AMAZING Desperately Seeking Susan reunion at the bar, during which Rosanna threw off her shapeless green shroud and revealed That Jacket.

Debi Mazar

Look at her taking digital pics of her best pal with that high-tech point-and-shoot.

Diane Lane

"What do you mean, dated? Taffeta is NOW!"

Madonna in London

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Charles M Ommanney/Shutterstock (267891x) Madonna EVITA FILM PREMIERE, LONDON, BRITAIN - 1996

The London premiere was not QUITE so grandly successful for Her Madgesty.

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Alan Davidson/Shutterstock (9789463e) Madonna Evita Premiere at the Empire Leicester Square London, UK - 19 Dec 1996

This was the best full shot we had of the outfit, but the colors are obviously jacked in the photo itself. Still, it feels like she's the human embodiment of Green Goddess dressing.

Kylie

That is a PAJAMA ROMPER and I DARE you to tell me otherwise, Victoria's Secret.

Naomi Campbell

Fairly sure that's also a nightgown.

Jane Seymour and Stacy Keach

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Alan Davidson/Shutterstock (9789463be) Jane Seymour Evita Premiere at the Empire Leicester Square London, UK - 19 Dec 1996

Do we think Dr. Quinn is wearing a real fur? She otherwise looks amazig.

Fergie

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Charles M Ommanney/Shutterstock (267891r) SARAH DUCHESS OF YORK AND ROBERT STIGWOOD EVITA FILM PREMIERE, LONDON, BRITAIN - 1996

Sure, Fergie, why not.

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Charles M Ommanney/Shutterstock (267891s) ? EVITA FILM PREMIERE, LONDON, BRITAIN - 1996

The caption for this person read simply, "?" and that is truly the most devastating burn of all.