Royal Ascot Ladies' Day 2014
I just wish they wouldn't be so restrained.
Royal Ascot Ladies' Day 2014
This is what I look while I'm fugcapping a show, although MY straw goes STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH.
Royal Ascot Ladies' Day 2014
And this is what I look like every other second of every day of my life, obviously.
Royal Ascot Ladies' Day 2014
It must be really hard to walk around sometimes at Ascot. NO personal space AT ALL.
Royal Ascot Ladies' Day 2014
If you push a button, does it start to spin?
Royal Ascot Ladies' Day 2014
I think she's realizing that wearing a hat that makes it impossible to SEE, much less BE SEEN, is not great strategy.
Katherine Jenkins
The considerate thing to do is to jam a small mirror in there, so that anyone talking to you can also check their teeth for food.
Royal Ascot Ladies' Day 2014
Aw, I enjoy the idea of the ladies in their toppers.
Royal Ascot Ladies' Day 2014
That hat makes me happy in an Eliza Doolittle kind of way.
Miss China Jin Ye
Elephantitis of the Loofah.
Royal Ascot Ladies' Day 2014
You know the expression "a hat on a hat," meaning, like, gilding the lily, basically? I was going to joke that it applied here in spades, but actually, I find this charmingly funny.
Stephen Jones and guest
I believe that is milliner Stephen Jones, and a woman who would've liked a crack at designing for Maleficent in happier times.
Royal Ascot Ladies' Day 2014
Oy.
Royal Ascot Ladies' Day 2014
Well. These are nuts. But the one on the left at least looks like it might be built out of her own hair; the other one just looks like it SMELLS of a cheap wig shop.
Royal Ascot Ladies' Day 2014
I kept thinking this was a giant silver pillar ON her hat, but no, she's just sitting in front of one. SO CLOSE to winning.