Gracie Gold Ladies Short Program
I love Gracie, but remember what I said during Nationals about her needing more coverage on her wardrobe? I stand by that. I don't know if she's grown since this was first fitted, but the red was way too low on her torso throughout. Obviously, nothing was ever going to pop out -- I don't THINK?? - but it was DISTRACTING and those skating judges are even crankier and more uptight than I am, from what I understand.
Patricia Glescic Short Program
This takes my hated Tights Over Skates situation and turns in into a kind of Leg Condom scenario. Which, weirdly, it turns out I prefer to The Rachael Flatt.
Yuna Kim Ladies Short Program
Insert my usual complaint about her tights here. It's a big compliment to how gorgeous this ensemble is otherwise, though, that I didn't even NOTICE my Most Hated Tights Situation until like....the fifth time I looked at this. It helps that I think she is amazing. I think this costume was even prettier on TV than it is in photographs.
Note: Yuna Kim used to be referred to in Western publications as "Kim Yu-Na," and "Kim Yuna," and now she's being referred to as "Yuna Kim" more and more. I know that her family name is "Kim" -- and that many Koreans romanize their names when using European languages in different ways, so I admit that I am confused as to which name order the skater herself actually prefers, as it's seemed to have changed over the years. I went with "Yuna Kim," because that's how she refers to herself on her official website, and I assume she is doing Family Name Last now, but if anyone out there knows better, please correct me, because obviously I want to call everyone what they want to be called.
Yuna Kim Free Skate
I mean. This is some classy, elegant shit right here. (Despite the aforementioned tights/shoes.) She also skated to selections from Les Miserables, so it also seemed appropriately beautifully downtrodden. And not for nothing: WOW, was she good. That program is excellent, and it's so nice to see the music and the clothing work together as they ought.
Carolina Kostner Short Program
I love that the under-tulle (a phrase I am pretty sure I just invented) is a different color than the overskirt. I also love something you can't exactly see here, which is that the top of this is sort of a modified halter, which is very flattering and pretty on her.
Carolina Kostner Free Skate
What you can't really tell in this photo is that this costume goes all sheer in a circular pattern around her belly button. Like, SHEER BEER BELLY AREA, not that she has a beer belly, OBVIOUSLY. But it's very sheer in that ARENA. It's a shame, because other than that, this costume is lovely. Also: can people please stop skating to "Bolero" for like ONE YEAR. JUST ONE YEAR. Also: Carmen. Thanks.
Mao Asada Short Program
She's great, but the matching ponytail holder really drives this straight into the 80s, doesn't it? I am very sad this was not a routine based on one of Jane Fonda's aerobics tapes...although it was Gershwin, so the sassy jazziness of it does work.
Mao Asada Free Skate
We really just don't see enough Swan Lake, do we? HAHAHAHAHAHAOMGWTFBBQ enough Swan Lake you guys, honestly. Please. Although she also looks beautiful, and the slight grey ombre effect in the feathers of the skirt is really elegant.
Kaetlyn Osmond Short Program
The sheer trend will not rest until even our athletes have been infected. (She was really adorable, though.)
Mae Berenice Meite Free Skate
I just thought this was awesome. More people need to Skate Like an Egyptian.
Elizaveta Tuktamysheva Free Skate
Whereas, here, I like the idea that she just woke up one morning and was like, "you know what? Screw it. I'm wearing pants. Or sort of pants. As close to pants as I can get away with. Me and my stirrup pants are gonna be warm, and you can't stop us. ALSO GLOVES. I could commit MURDER IN THIS THING. And MAYBE I WILL."
Virtue and Moir Short Dance
Is it wrong that I, an American, might love Canadians Virtue and Moir just a teeny bit more (moir) than I do Meryl Davis and Charlie White? Because I do. (Even though Davis and White deserved their win this go round, and I DO like them and think they're exceptionally good. I just will never not be in love with Virtue and Moir after the Olympics.)
Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir Free Dance
Even when they're about to burst into a revival of Sprockets. (Or, more accurately, even if they ARE skating to Carmen, which I think I already yelped about.)
Ekaterina Bobrova and Dmitri Soloviev Short Dance Program
One of the short dances this year led to a whole lot of men dressed like Brian Boitano.
Dmitri Soloviev and Ekaterina Bobrova Free Dance
Here, on the other hand, she looks like she's going to a formal affair and he's her cute boyfriend who just showed to pick her up wearing jeans. (In the actual program, I think he was supposed to be....insane? Or something? That IS a good excuse for showing up for a party in jeans when your girlfriend is wearing a gown.)
Penny Coomes and Nicholas Buckland Free Dance
I do think it's possible those rosettes are actually made of frosting.
Nathalie Pechalat and Fabian Bourzat Free Dance
I originally thought Fabian was wearing leather pants and now I am so depressed that I was wrong. They were skating to the Rolling Stones, and I kind of love how totally they committed. I mean, if you're going to be groovy, be GROOVY.
Andrew Poje and Kaitlyn Weaver Free Dance
I do not know what is happening here, but it is amazing.
Nelli Zhiganshina and Alexander Gazsi Free Dance
This is about zombies, right? I mean, at its core?
Viktoria Kavaliova and Yurii Bieliaiev Short Dance
And I presume the subtext of this one is the discovery of penicillin. Actually, I have to transcribe the announcers' convo about this:
HIM: "You have to admit, you liked his costume."
HER: "Oh, LOVED IT. And he loves it, you can tell."
HIM: "Hard to not like the LIME GREEN."
HER: "You know, it's just...part of the...job. With ice dancing. You just go with it."
And thank god, right? Please keep going with it, you guys. Do not stop going with it.
Nelli Zhiganshina and Alexander Gazsi Short Dance
Um. You...forgot something...?
Elena Ilinykh and Nikita Katsalapov Short Dance
"God, do I have to do EVERYTHING?" he appears to be thinking.
Madison Chock and Evan Bates Short Dance
Great subtlety from the Americans.
Penny Coomes and Nicholas Buckland Short Dance
"HERE'S HER CROTCH!"
Irina Shtork and Taavi Rand Short Dance
I am sure they pick the required dances out of a hat, or whatever, but I like to think that the hat -- much like Harry Potter's Sorting Hat -- thinks to itself, "hmmmm. What can I cough up that will force people to look like they might be rodeo clowns? MWHAHAHAHAHHAHA." (Ahem, POLKA.)
Piper Gilles and Paul Poirier Short Dance
Given that these two are Canadian, it feels apt that this looks like a Short Dance based on the love affair of Anne Shirley and Gilbert Blythe. I wish we had a shot of the part where she cracks him on the head with a slate.
Nathalie Pechalat and Fabian Bourzat Short Dance Program
What? THEY'RE FRENCH.
Alexei Bychenko Short Program
I just wanted to give a shout-out to the dude who decided to go Full Sailor.
Denis Ten Short Program
I like a male skater in a tuxedo. Denis here came in second, and I believe that is a first for Kazakhstan.
Denis Ten Free Skate
And it cracks me up that his short program costume is white tie and tails, and his free skate is, like, the after-party.
Javier Fernandez Short Program
Whereas Javier, who came in third, was like, "you know what? I'm going to dress like a skater, okay? Like, the costume you'd get for a skater if you called up a costume company and told them you were being a male skater for Halloween but you wanted it to be REALISTIC. None of the Hamlet As Costumed By Banana Republic of Evan Lysacek! Nor the Sparkly Russian Unicorn of Johnny Weir! Just BASIC."
Javier Fernandez Free Skate
But he does seem to understand that ladies (okay, I PERSONALLY) love male skaters in vests.
Brian Joubert Free Skate
I support the work of this brave gladiator.
Patrick Chan post mens' short
Best score for a men's short under the new scoring rules, in your own country, DOES deserve a nearly shirtless thumbs-up, Patrick Chan!
Patrick Chan Short Program
The back of his shirt is delicate and fancy, and his routine was seriously really amazing. Peter Carruthers on NBC Universal was like BESIDE HIMSELF. (Note: the commentators on NBC Universal are actually really quite good, in that they actually give actual technical feedback and clearly know what they're talking about. I love Scott Hamilton, but on NBC Normal, he tends to only say, like, "the last third of his program and boy are his legs tired!")
Patrick Chan Free Skate
This outfit comes from what I privately like to think of as the Gaston School of Skating Costumes.
Viktor Romanenkov Free Skate
I REALLY want to introduce this dude to Mae Berenice Meite! LOOK AT THEIR COSTUMES! They are SOULMATES.
Justus Strid Free Skate
Whatever is happening here, it is MADE OF YES.
Tatiana Volosozhar and Maxim Trankov Pairs Short Program
Her dress is much more purple than you can see here, and he has a porn 'stache, but other than that, over in Pairs, this looks pretty classic...
Tatiana Volosozhar and Maxim Trankov Pairs Free Skate
...especially since I believe their Free Skate here is about spanking? Right? I mean, I am just assuming based on this photo, but that sounds right. (Actually, I think it was actually about how CRAZY HIGH her jumps are, like CRAZY awesome high.)
Meagan Duhamel and Eric Radford Pairs Short Program
Pairs is so boring after ice dancing, costume-wise, and I am saying that about a man who is wearing suspenders and a bandana even though his program seemingly did not need a bandana? It was not a salute to Beiber...although these two ARE, like Beibs, Canadian. Canada, are you guys just really into bandanas right now? It's okay. You can tell us. PS: These two are great. The American pairs skaters are kind of meh, I fear, so I may be cheering even more enthusiastically for our northern friends come the Olympics.
Meagan Duhamel and Eric Radford Pairs Free Skate
"Not another man in a vest!!!!!!"
In fairness, they both look totally charming, even if he is dressed slightly like Chandler Bing.
Aliona Savchenko and Robin Szolkowy Short Progam
This is quite classic. I'm not mad at it.
Aliona Savchenko and Robin Szolkowy Pairs Free Skate
Regardless, bless these two for sassing it up in the free skate EVEN THOUGH IT WAS TO BOLERO AGAIN OH MY GOD YOU GUYS THERE WAS SO MUCH BOLERO THIS YEAR. Torvill and Dean even are all, "ENOUGH ALREADY."
On the other hand, I vote that more female skaters wear patterned bra tops layered over lace body suits. Keep making it interesting guys -- and we'll see you all at the Olympics! BRA TOPS ON ALL OF US!