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# Fabs and Fabbers: The US Figure-Skating Championships
- URL: https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/fabs-and-fabbers-the-us-figure-skating-championships/
- Published: 2014-01-24T19:00:49.000Z
- Updated: 2014-01-24T04:21:32.000Z
- Author: Jessica  
- Tags: #wp, #wp-gallery, #slideshow, #Import 2026-10-07 07:37

## Ashley Wagner Free Skate

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/461885213.xml)

Ashley hadn't won a free skate all season and indeed she continued that streak here. Her costume is GORGEOUS, but this skate was a mess, which is a shame because I actually think the program itself is lovely -- not that it matters, [given that she's going back to her old one.](https://www.latimes.com/sports/sportsnow/la-sp-sn-ashley-wagner-figure-skating-sochi-olympics-20140121,0,4478863.story?ref=go-fug-yourself.ghost.io#axzz2rFabaYLT) This seems like a rash decision to make like TWO WEEKS OUT, and even she calls it "a Frankenstein of a program," but I am not a figure skating coach, even if I like to tell at my TV like one.

## Ashley Wagner Free Skate

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/461901117.xml)

I have never seen a tighter smile over in the stands than Ashley's, when they would cut to her as everyone else skated. Honestly, I guess they make you hang out at the AT&T Skaters Hang-Out, or whatever they call it, but if I had been Ashley, I think I would have been like, "I AM HAVING A REAL BAD NIGHT I AM GOING TO THE LOCKER ROOM STOP MAKING ME ACT LIKE I'M SO HAPPY FOR THESE OTHER PEOPLE." Like, they don't make the Dodgers bench sit next to the Cardinals bench in the middle of the play-offs and act all chummy while they're in the middle of a game. The need for figure-skating to pretend these people -- because they do it to the men too -- aren't hardcore athletes drives me nuts. Let the girl and her coach go back to the locker room and talk this out.

## Ashley Wagner Free Skate

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/462034443.xml)

All that said, I think this costume is totally gorgeous on her.

## Ashley Wagner Short Program

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/461602261.xml)

As is her short program costume. Costuming, at least, has never been Ashley's problem.

## Polina Edmunds Free Skate

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/462034421.xml)

Polina is 15 and she looks it, no? That's not a complaint, merely a comment that she is still in that Long Lanky Young Adolescent Stage. She must be VERY EXCITED to be going to the Olympics. I am very excited that, despite how this photo looks, she is NOT wearing shorts.

## Polina Edmunds Free Skate

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/462034419.xml)

This costume, also, was much prettier in motion/on TV than it is in still photos.

## Polina Edmunds Short Program

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/461597439.xml)

I AM a little worried that Polina's sideboob is going to make a run for it. I love her, though. There is something really likeable about someone who is still young and excited and thrilled to be there. I think that's one of the reasons the Olympics are awesome. Hardly anyone is like, "meh, this isn't that great." EVERYONE is like, "WHEE THIS IS AWESOME THIS IS THE BEST!"

## Gracie Gold Free Skate

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/461885039.xml)

Gracie looked pretty good in this program -- both in terms of outfit and performance. Regardless of the Ashley/Mirai question -- because honestly I think BOTH Ashley and Mirai are likely to underperform at the Olympics (sorry, ladies; I hope I'm wrong, Ashley) -- I think she has a good shot at representing the US nicely. But man, the rest of the international ladies are going to put up a good fight, and she has VERY little international experience (right? I'm sure I'm going to get some of this wrong, and I expect the many skating experts in Fug Nation to spread some truths in the comments) and that is a concern.

## Gracie Gold Free Skate

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/461895449.xml)

And not for nothing, she is skating to Tchaikovsky's Sleeping Beauty -- which, although it's overused, I actually have always loved -- and this is basically the perfect Sleeping Beauty costume. I am always positively inclined toward the more modest neckline/arms (just because I think they're elegant, and god knows [last year her costume was VERY nipple-adjacent](https://www.gofugyourself.com/fabs-and-fabbers-of-the-us-national-figure-skating-championship-01-2013/2013-prudential-u-s-figure-skating-championships-14?ref=go-fug-yourself.ghost.io)), and I like Gracie. Switching to Frank Carroll was a good move for her. Keep it up, sister.

## Gracie Gold Short Program

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/461597563.xml)

Her short program look is also very elegant. She also got record high scores (under what I will always call "the new judging system") for both the short and the long program.

## Mirai Nagasu Free Skate

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/461885115.xml)

So, this is a Bond-themed program and I think it's quite cute. Mirai's costume is also great -- we didn't get a shot of the back, but it's a racer-back covered in silver sequins. I stand by thinking she was kind of robbed. Scott Hamilton pointed out that there are problems with her program, in that there are moments where she CLEARLY is resting, she under-rotates her jumps, and mathematically, she's got issues with the judges. She doesn't have as good an international track record as Ashley. And I think that all of that is what killed her in the end, with the selection committee. But she also landed all her jumps, and...Look, she finished third. She nailed her free skate. I think it's kind of bullshit for them to decide to make her the alternate, and you know she's got to be devastated. After the news came down, Sandra Bezic was like, "well, if Ashley hadn't performed so well at Worlds last year, we wouldn't even have three spots at the Olympics," but COME ON. I get that reasoning from an emotional standpoint, but that should have nothing to do with it. You don't let a relief pitcher who's got the yips close out the last game of the World Series just because he struck out the side two weeks ago to get you there. You yank him and put in someone who can bring that mother home.

All of this makes me seem like I dislike Ashley, which I don't. In fact, I LOVED [the "Black Swan" program she did a couple of years ago more](https://www.gofugyourself.com/figure-skating-fab-and-fabber-us-nationals-02-2012/2012-u-s-figure-skating-championships-day-3-4?ref=go-fug-yourself.ghost.io) than life itself. I just have a lot of THOUGHTS AND WORDS about this whole thing.

## Mirai Nagasu Short Program

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/461610029.xml)

I am so thrilled by the consistent return to the White Skates Look. You guys know how much I hate Beige Tights Pulled Over Skates. At last, the heavens have smiled down upon me and that seems to be out of style once more.

## Hannah Miller Free Skate

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/461864365.xml)

Now, I'm going to just toss in a couple of women I thought you might want to see. Hannah Miller here is adorable and I am really sad that this is not supposed to be a luau-themed free skate as I first thought when I saw this photo.

## Hannah Miller Short Program

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/461597163.xml)

You know you've watched a lot of figure-skating in your time when you can tell to what music a skater is performing by merely looking at her costume. ("Firebird," of course.)

## Christina Gao Free Skate

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/461885443.xml)

Poor Christina. She just fell ALL OVER THE PLACE. Her long program was a brutal disaster. The crowd actually was cheering in the middle in a "COME ON YOU CAN DO IT" way, which was lovely, but also when a Boston crowd is giving you pity claps, you know you have had an epic meltdown. Her look here is very pretty here, in a Subtle Marchesa Way.

## Barbie Long Free Skate

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/461864127.xml)

Despite her distressing skate choices, I think this is actually quite beautiful.

## Rachael Flatt Short Program

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/461597285.xml)

Rachael was, frankly, out of her mind if she really thought she was going to make this happen (she finished 18th). I guess this was her Farewell to Skating, but man. Do you really want to go out 18th, or go out closer to the top? Maybe she seriously just wanted to go out wearing traditional white skates.

## Agnes Zawadzki Short Program

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/461602265.xml)

Not to pile on Agnes, who had a very rough go -- she finished 11th -- but this skirt is too short, girl. Your skirt should not look like Dolphin shorts.

## Max Aaron Free Skate

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/462065563.xml)

"I'M A MIME!" (Also, this had sheer portions across the back, which I thought, for one shining moment, bleeded into his pits. Max used to be a hockey player, so obviously I spend all of his routines screaming "TOE PICK!" at the TV.)

## Max Aaron Short Program

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/461722177.xml)

Too much chest, unless your short program is about the heartbreak of working at American Apparel. Sadly, the US has only two spots for men this year, so that might actually come to pass for poor Max "Toe Pick" "Third Place" Aaron.

## Jeremy Abbott Free Skate

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/462065027.xml)

Dear Jeremy Abbott,

Please don't choke this year. Also, [PAY ATTENTION AND DON'T GET DISQUALIFIED, JEEZ.](https://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/olympics/sochi/2014/01/12/jeremy-abbott-jason-brown-us-championships/4441973/?ref=go-fug-yourself.ghost.io)

Love, The United States Figure-Skating Whatever Our Official Name Is.

PS: Is that shirt one of those things where if you stare at it long enough with unfocused eyes, suddenly you see the Space Shuttle in it, or something? Just wondering.

## Jeremy Abbott Short Program

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/461721839.xml)

This one movement feels very, "heeeey, ladies." I have to say, I didn't see the short program here, but Abbott's long program feels so boring to me, even when he's on. It feels like Generic Male's Figure Skating Program and I sort of worry that he's lost his zing, when he used to be full of zing -- remember his awesome "Sing Sing Sing" short program? BUT! I am not NEARLY as up on the dudes has I have been in years past, so please tell me I am wrong in the comments; I hope I am! I actually really like Jeremy Abbott, like, a lot. He seems like such a sweetie. (Also, if he's really A RAGING WAD, we want to know that too, skating gossip mongers. I love it when we get to talk skating gossip twice a year.)

## Jason Brown Free Skate

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/462058203.xml)

Speaking of Heeeeeeeyyyy, I feel like this entire outfit is designed to be like, "I really wanted to BeDazzle my crotch but this is as far as my coach would let me go."

## Jason Brown Short Program

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/461712931.xml)

I enjoy this child's moxie. (He's only 19.) He has a whole Riverdance footwork section in the middle of his long program -- and aced it -- and anyone who would go there automatically pleases me. He was SO EXCITED to score as well as he did, and he is basically just a DELIGHT and I have cast Andy Samberg in the movie of his life.

## Maia Shibutani and Alex Shibutani Free Dance

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/461831595.xml)

I continue to love Maia's sassy ponytail.

## Maia Shibutani and Alex Shibutani Short Dance

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/461694011.xml)

And this gown is lovely. (It's always awkward when siblings are swanning about in one another's arms, but what can you do?)

## Madison Chock and Evan Bates Free Dance

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/461831445.xml)

Just as I knew Hannah Miller had to be skating to "Firebird," I knew this had to be *Les Miserables* (My DVR didn't record the ice dancing for me because it wants me to be unhappy.) I can name a Marius/Cosette in 2.5 seconds.

## Madison Chock and Evan Bates Short Dance

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/461694107.xml)

And this, I love. They look like they fell out of a Gatsby party, in a good way.

## Meryl Davis and Charlie White Free Dance

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/461849785.xml)

You are correct. This is "Scheherazade." It really does play to Meryl's strength as A Person Who Looks Like A Disney Princess.

## Meryl Davis and Charlie White Short Dance

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/461693735.xml)

Charlie's hair is like the third member of this team at this point.

## Alexandra Aldridge and Daniel Eaton Free Dance

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/461835649.xml)

These two finished fifth, but I could not deny you the glory that is this picture.

## Anastasia Cannuscio and Colin McManus Free Dance

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/461835619.xml)

I love it when dudes skate in costume as Chandler Bing.

## Marissa Castelli and Simon Shnapir in Pairs Free Skate

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/461825871.xml)

Yeah, so he's wearing a gun holster, so what? PAIRS SKATING IS ROUGH. (Okay: this is also a Bond program, so I guess it works. If only I thought Marissa were skating as Judi Dench.)

## Marissa Castelli and Simon Shnapir Pairs Short Program

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/461575933.xml)

"MY WAXER ALSO DESERVES A GOLD MEDAL!"

## Felicia Zhang and Nathan Bartholomay Pairs Free Skate

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/461824821.xml)

This is ANOTHER Les Mis program. So many dreams have been dreamed in time gone by at this Olympics. So many skaters are asking if we have heard the people sing or asking if the beating of our hearts will echo the beating of the drums, and if we will join in their crusade, if we will be strong and stand with them. Me, I'm just glad I'm going into Year Two of using my junior high obsession with *Les Miserables* at my adult-person job.

## Felicia Zhang and Nathan Bartholomay Pairs Short Program

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/461575977.xml)

TOMORROW COMES! Except this is *Carousel* , which makes me thinks Zhang and Bartholomay have a thing for Really Very Sad But Also Awesome Musicals, which..okay, I am actually totally cool with that. See you at the Olympics, everyone!

[Fabs and Fabbers: The US Figure-Skating ChampionshipsFirst of all, thank you so much for your patience in waiting for this post. We were traveling, and then I got run over by the Globes/Critics Choice Awards/SAGs train BUT I AM BACK and we have a LOT of falling down, illusion netting, and crotches to discuss. Also: I can't believe that none of you told me that Rachael Flatt is wearing white skates now! VICTORY IN OUR TIME! (Well, except for Rachael. Poor Rachael. Just go back to college, girl.) Also also, we clearly need to talk about Ashley Wagner's epic crack-up and how she ended up making the team anyway, which I understand -- the Deadspin article I linked to last week called it the Marta Karolyi effect (if only US women's figure skating was anywhere near as tight as US women's gymnastics was in 2012) -- but I still think feels a little unfair, perhaps because I just enjoy the drama of having nationals be, essentially, the Olympics trials and if you screw up, it just plain old sucks to be you. AND ALSO ALSO ALSO we need to talk about how the Olympics is now having team skating. SO MUCH SKATING! \[Photos: Getty\]![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/461885213.xml)](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/fabs-and-fabbers-the-us-figure-skating-championships-01-2014/)