The 2014 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
I sincerely appreciate how much Victoria's Secret truly believes we should wear, at the very least, a cape with our bras. Where is the cape department in my local VS, I ask you? No capes, no wings. I demand a recount.
Inside the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show **USA ONLY**
Something else that amuses me about this particular exercise is that Victoria's Secret often pairs its most Standard Issue Bras and Panties (like these) with its most dramatic wings. The Wings need, I suppose, non-distracting companions.
The 2014 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
Unless, of course, you're Lindsay Ellingson and you're playing the part of Titiana in Victoria's Secret Presents: A Midsummer Night's Dream.
The 2014 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
And she's playing...Peaseblossom, I suppose? I cannot wait for Victoria's Secret Does Shakespeare. All the puffed, slashed sleeves attached to tiny balconette bras. The balconette being, obviously, thematically apt.
The 2014 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
She is SO PLEASED that she managed to escape the clutches of that plant outside in time to make the show.
The 2014 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
Victoria's Secret Presents: GLAADDIATOR.
The 2014 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
Victoria's Secret Presents: Mockingjay
Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
Victoria's Secret Presents: Bird Flu!
The 2014 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
I love you, Karlie Kloss. This picture is so, "eh, I'm Karlie Kloss. I'm going to deploy these wings when I damn well feel like it, and not a moment before."
The 2014 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
I have NO IDEA what Victoria's Secret is presenting here. She looks like a drum majorette crossed with a Tribble.
IThe 2014 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
In which Ed Sheeran is like, "LOOK AT THE GROUND, MATE. JUST LOOK AT THE GROUND."
The 2014 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
And this is a salute to...Fuzzy Items One Might Hang From One's Rear View Mirror? Graffiti? Cozy neckties? I don't know.
The 2014 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
"We don't trust you to handle the full-sized wings. Here are some mini-wings. They're like the pantyliners of wings."
The 2014 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
I actually think that bra might be legitimately pretty.
The 2014 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
"I'm dressed as a dreamcatcher right now, you guys."
The 2014 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
"And I'm dressed as a...what did you say I was supposed to be, again?"
The 2014 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
"And I suppose I'm a butterfly? Or a flower? Whatever. Something terrifically feminine. Fallopian tubes? I dunno."
The 2014 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
This feels like the JEM and the Holograms portion of the evening.
The 2014 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
And THIS the Hot Glue Gun portion.
The 2014 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
And this is as if JEM had a baby with a craft store, so it's all coming together rather romantically, actually.
The 2014 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
Ed Sheeran, in the background: "STILL LOOKING AT THE GROUND. JUST RESPECTFULLY LOOKING AT THE GROUND."
The 2014 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
Are those BUFF PUFFS WITH NIPPLES? I'm frightened.
The 2014 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
Doutzen Kroes, providing a brief respite from the complete insanity, and allowing us to recalibrate.
The 2014 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
IT'S ALIVE.
The 2014 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
Are those...fuzzy holsters? Do I need those now? Is this a thing I am supposed to be wearing?
The 2014 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
This model, you know, was delighted to get at least one turn down the runway where she wasn't worried about any of her bits popping out.
The 2014 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
"YOU GUYS," this model's face is screaming, "I LOVE the part where we get to wear pants!"
The 2014 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
Even if they're HIDEOUS.
The 2014 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
That coat is actually legitimately amazing, in addition to being great for all your Lingerie Bullfighting needs.
The 2014 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
I think it's possible that those are the only pair of undercrackers from this show that will actually pop up on people you actually know. (The jacket is a Vanderpump Rules apres-ski fever dream.)
The 2014 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
I can't tell if this is supposed to be super-retro or somewhat futuristic.
The 2014 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
It's possible that her skirt/cape can easily be wiped down with a nice clean damp sponge.
The 2014 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
Sui He looks as legitimately delighted by her GIANT PUFFED C3PO SLEEVES as humanly possible, and she's not wrong.
The 2014 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
Ed Sheeran: LA LA LA LA MY NECK'S STARTING TO HURT FROM ALL THIS LOOKING AT THE GROUND WHEN WILL EVERYONE PUT HER CLOTHES BACK ON?
The 2014 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
Oh, hey, there's Swifty! (We'll get to her in the next post.) This, in case you were wondering, is Karlie Kloss as Undercrackers Maleficent, and it's awesome.
The 2014 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
Mark my words: SOME FOOL will wear this as a dress to something and my right eye will start to twitch.
The 2014 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
"DENISE! Did you remember to design something sort of...50 Shades of Grey-y?"
"SHIT. NO. Throw a white shirt on someone and fake it."
This is also the shot where we learn that the Angels do get wee bandaids to cover their nipples.
The 2014 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
Behati Prinsloo seems so underwhelmed this go round. She's like, "being married to Adam Levine is exhausting. I'm just going to stand here."
The 2014 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
Is this part SUPPOSED to be terrifying?
The 2014 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
Yeah, yeah. We got it.
The 2014 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
This must be the part of the show where the crowd is encouraged to, I don't know, wave their hands in the air in a manner indicating that they've got no concerns about whatever it was they've just witnessed.
The 2014 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
THE END! UNDERPANTS FOR ALL!