Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux
Not to be cynical... but I'm going to be cynical: Something about this red carpet appearance felt like EXTRA hard selling. Like, the kind of thing where if they broke up in three weeks, I'd be like, "Oh, right, of course." I mean, I hope they're super happy, but this is like they're pledging allegiance to something, or running for president and vice-president of How To Wear Black Without Lint Or Dandruff Flakes Or Basically Any Markings At All.
Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux
And now is the time on Sprockets where we stare searchingly into each other's souls.
Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux
Her shoes are at least noteworthy. The rest of it... I mean, the unfortunate thing about Jennifer Aniston is that I can't think of anything to say about her that couldn't as easily have been said ten years ago. The narrative is the same. Which on some levels is a compliment, because it means she doesn't look that different than she did ten years ago, but on other levels GET BETTER CLOTHES.
Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux
HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY FACES HURT FROM HAPPY.
Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux
I've decided this is the poster for a new morning chat show they're hosting. It's called Hey, You!.
Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux
I haven't found a credit on that dress, and is it any wonder? It's a shirt with a sweatband sewn in the middle. She's doing her Aniston thing to it, so ti's not OFFENSIVE or anything, really, but I don't know why Jennifer Aniston isn't paying, say, Ilaria Urbinati, a boatload of cash to help her rock the hell out of it.
Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux
Can I say that I really enjoy that Jennifer is wearing a big watch? I totally accept that in place of a bracelet and unless I'm blacking out, you rarely see that on a lady on the red carpet. Way to go, Aniston, for bringing back the timepiece. LOOK. I FOUND SOMETHING NEW TO SAY AFTER ALL. Thank you for being a friend.